Steve Suprise Visit

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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it. Steve left me a message: Surprise I am in town, Indian Pavilion for lunch? After a tingly shower full of anticipation, I ditched Lazybones (Nicole) who would not be bothered to wake up that early on a weekend (noon). Then, through the bell-clear morning and its bitter winds, I roared past the others to the Pavilion to set a new speed record. I was there just in time to cell Steve to find they postponed the meal another 20 minutes.

To kill time I went to my favorite movie rental store, Mike's Music & Video. As the ebb and flow of consumer demand and the advent of the internet transforms the industry of high end consumable art, the downtown Mikes no longer had much of any music to peruse. In my undergrad year, Case and I spent hours going up and down the isles looking for gems of our favorite musicians, but this was not the same Mikes. In fact, their famed 49-cent VCR rental has gone the way of the dinosaur, which is great because my VCR runs tenuously at best. Now I mostly rent DVD and video games for a buck something a day, payable when you return.

There is still something about the event of physically being in a store that makes it preferable to the cheaper Netflix web mail option. I do not know if it is just nostalgia, the hunter in my primordial psyche that craves the trill of the chase, or if it is more of an MTV need for instant gratification that will not allow the wait for shipping, but it keeps me coming like baby to crack even though it does not make sense. It is like when you are surfing through the stations on cable and you pause for a second on Full House. You know should should not, but you do.

Finally. Pavilion. The last few times Steve's came up to Happy Valley I have not been able to get Pavilion so I was happy to finally make it. With Steve came MattyMat and Dicke, and for the first time KT, Brooke, and Amy joined us for the traditional weekend buffet. If you have never been to the buffet before, what makes the meal great is the bread (NAN) and the chicken. Of course, this made me feel special when I was first in line from our group and got the last of the nan bread. This joy was short lived though. In a matter of seconds, there was more fresh bread for all.

After the first round of eats, MattyMat left to get more meat because, well, meat is good. He asked us to make sure they did not take his plate because he still had some nan bread on it. Obviously this meant that I should take it and hide it somewhere. For some reason putting it on his seat made the most sense. Even though MattyMat arrived right at the moment of the disappearance, he did not see the vanishing act.

With his Spidy senses heightened, MattyMat knew something was awry. He sniffed suspiciously until he saw, or as the case may be, did not see his plate. The crocodile smiles surrounded him but did not know who too accuse; he looked at his spot without his plate as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

Quickly MattyMat conceded and went back to the buffet in the other room. This further inspired me to hand his plate to the waiter who was taking finished plates. Of course, you can imagine the look on the waiter's face. It was a little befuddled, as if he did not believe that I just pulled a used dish from a seat, but he wanted no part it asking how or why. MattyMat now had his meat and bread and some exercise so we let him in on where the plate went.

More juvenile antics continued with the conversation and us questioning what certain deserts were made from. Surprisingly my Indian heritage helped as much as a straw in the dessert. Amy and Brooke took the brunt of the abuse along with most of the airborne food attacks. When we finally parted, I suggested renting some movies to kill the afternoon. Most bailed but Amy promised to join us after her hair cut which luckily was right next to the Pavilion. In addition, it ended up being the same stylist that MichealAnne uses.

I went in with Amy for a second trying to convince the stylist to shave her head; Instead Amy got a haircut, which belonged in one of those bar games where your drunken blurred vision is supposed to find the difference between two pictures of the same event. To the unsuspecting eye, it would be easy to overlook it. They would loose and have to put another quarter in. Still it would not be too hard to guess the area since Amy’s humongous hippo ass would take up most of the shot.

While Amy was being pampered and undoubtedly talking about us to the gals in the shop while under one of those hair contraptions that could give her the Marge Simpson look, MattyMat, Steve and I went back to Mike's Music & Video to select two flicks. I invited Nicole to join us but the lazy lioness had no desire to dress to see a movie she had just seen in the theaters. On the way back to MattyMat's we stopped at CVS where the alarm sounded as we entered. Damn racial profiling! I think they could smell the Indian food on my Caucasian brothers and could see though my disguise... Or maybe it was because we had movie with those little anti theft things on them.

A similar thing happened to me the first time I went to petite library, but I did not have anything that would have the strip. I blamed rational profiling or poltergeists to amuse the four girls that were in my group. The poltergeist theory won out because later I tried to use the Microfiche and put it in backwards to have it explode everywhere. This could not be explained by my incompetence so had to be the paranormal. This time I just handed the movies to the woman at the counter who swiped them. Then I proceeded to go down the isle amused at what consumers can purchase from CVS.

MattyMat needed toilet paper and Steve needed milk. Somehow from this simple endeavor, the cell phone abuse occurred. Amy most likely got a free series of messaging vibration from her cell phone at the salon. If she listened to the messages, she would hear MattyMat leaving one making fun of her lame message. Then he realized he had free weekend and nights so he just left the cell phone running, handing it to Steve and I at various times until it cut off 6 1/2 minutes later. Oh this is funny we thought, so Steve dialed up.

While Steve was leaving a voice mail, I dialed up so that Amy could hear her own voice when listening to Steve's message. I know it sounds silly, but it was actually quite amusing, especially when we went down the isle reading packaging. As fate would have it the first thing we found were the lamb condoms and the pregnancy tests. Afterwards we found the KY Jelly and as seen on TV patted bras which apparently they sell at CVS. I have to give Steve the most props for reading a label and then doing the same label in Spanish. Cómo es divertido es el Steve?

When we got to MattyMat's apartment, James, Anthony and Christina were watching Spaceballs. My favorite line of course "When will then be now?" --soon came up. It was long enough since I last saw the movie that I was giggling. I still think Spaceballs should have been re-released to the theater when the original Star Wars movies came out again. James told me there were Internet rumors that tried to get them to make Spaceballs III the search for Spaceballs II, but there's little chance of that happening. Lament.

Drip, drip, d..r..i..p. There was this sound from the kitchen which confused me. Pursuing the valley of echoes I found MattyMat had some chicken in the sink thawing. I added some soap and took a picture of Amy next to it. Actually, it came out rather nice. I guess when the spacing of the picture does not have to overcompensate for Amy's giant ass she can look quite lovely. Later, Anthony went in the kitchen to find the floating bottle of soap. He turned back to the group in the living room and asked, “Why is there soap in chicken?”

Anthony did not know whom, but knew it was sabotage but thought it would be funnier asking about it rather then just letting MattyMat stumbling upon it. We are just proud that Anthony could make popcorn, which were his intentions in the kitchen. Over a week ago, Anthony burned popcorn and the smell was still a part of the microwave. Now this is not just your standard burn the popcorn in the dorm, opens the window and go to your friends for a bit. This was opening the microwave and there was actually a yellow haze of smoke escaping like a cartoon radioactive blob. Still, we let him make popcorn because we need some to enjoy the movies.

The two movies we got both ended up being druggy movie set in New Jersey of all places. Along with most of the country I've always made fun of New Jersey and have not been too fond of Philly because of it proximity to Jersey and that whole someone telling me the wrong directions in the car and me having to have to pay for making a wrong turn and going over a bridge. ANYwho, I think it is funny that my family whose first generation immigrates are in Pittsburgh now all their first-born child living in Jersey. My cousin Kitty, my older sister Shenu, and my cousin Anoop (and his wife Riju) all are the oldest of their immediate family and are living in Jersey. Arun and his wife Rupal also have gone to evil garden state.

ANYwho, Garden State was one of the movies we rented. It was the more serious of the two, and starred the girl from “The Professional” all grown up. She fell in love in 4 days with an actor who been on psychiatric drugs since childhood returning back to his hometown after his mom's suicide. My description probably makes it seem like a downer but it was actually an uplifting story, but paled in comparison to the other movie we rented. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle is ridiculous!! You go just expecting a crazy antics of some post-college pot heads and what you get is the most amazing serious of events which at the time seem completely believable and leave you laughing continuously. Assuming you're under the age of 104, you should get this movie!! It's EXTREME!!

James and Anthony looked snazzy when they left us in gangster style on their way to a semi. With nothing better to do, we got into some recklessly wresting antics. Grab Amy's legs and made a wish! It is dangerous being the only girl around. Amy got back at me though. They decided to go to Subway from some fresh eats and Amy just about took me out with the door when I tried to enter the establishment. Let's just say me going through the subway door entrance was like skiing through a revolving door. Nicole's friends were eating at Outback so I ditched the group to join hers.

I guess the rest of Steve’s visit became Aussified in honor of our mutual friend Aussie Mike. From the Australian restaurant Outback, we met back up with Steve at Aussie Mike's favorite pub, Bar Bleu. If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon, Bar Bleu to be specific. By the way everyone that is pronounced bar blaah!! because its French Cajun.

My signature 7 and 7 drink sparkled like a diamond. I got a blinking blue stirrer for Nicole when I got her a huge fishbowl long island ice tea which left her whining it's soooo big and cold. How come when she goes out with her fiends or with Steve without me, she comes back wasted? For a while I was sent back to my high school days when I hung out with Kelly's other brother and his friends at Jazz clubs in Pittsburgh. The band here was not mind blowing but its nice to hear a sax every once and a while. I keep nagging Nicole to bring hers so I can blow into like Homer and say "sax-a-ma-phone", but as of yet she has not learned to O-b-e-y.

Part of the highlights of diner and Bar Bleu was me trying to convince Nicole and Andrea that Dave's beard wasn't atrocious. I still think its funny that Nicole has a friend Dave who is dating a girl named Andrea because my buddy Dave Wyman was conjoined to this girl Andrea to the point we called them Dandrea in college. Andrea from Dandrea was my friend but their relationship was messed up. I'm quite happy that Dave Wyman found and married Mariel, especially because it got me to go on a weeks vacation to Puerto Rico with Spaz and Sexkitten.

ANYwho Bert wins the prize for the most drunk. I don't know if it is that he doesn't go out that much because he's in a competitive major, Astrophysics, or if it is his Korean blood; maybe it is just he is a guy from Penn State, but he tends to get lit the few times I'm at bars with him. For the most part it is amusing with lots of hugs and "I'm glad you're my friends". Last time at Bar Bleu, he was kicked out though and I was yelled at because I thought he left but was still downstairs and the bouncers wanted us to take him.

Now Bert has this super strong handshake, which to old school business types is probably something to admirable. I have the complete opposite hand shake that is curved and quick because I don't like judging or being judge too quickly on first meetings, because I learned early in love I missed out on some people because of first impressions. In fact, Steve and I did not really have a memorable first impression. To others though, Bert's shake comes off as an overcompensating pissing contest. Steve who is damn strong for his statue was the first person to just ask him about it. This is one of the things I like most about Steve. He has the character to confront someone he knows.

Of all the friends I have, Steve have to be the least likely person that I thought I would be good pals with. Like if he read that last sentence he’d mention that it ended with a preposition-lol. Steve may have come off a little too smart for his own good when I first met him. He knew his stuff and sometimes that comes off as I am better than you, which he is because he's my friend--lol. Steve might have been a little too conservative about things or too know it all. He definitely was too complacent not wanting to chase after girls for fearing to be that dick. Though the intentions of this are admirable, sadly it usually sabotaged his chances for romance sometimes, but I know when Steve finds the right person, it'll be them who is the lucky one. Because when Steve makes a decision to have fun, he and everyone around him does. When he goes into his gay sas talk, or when he gets a few drinks in him and lets loose, he's actually one of the most personable fun guys to know. I better cut this paragraph and blog off now before it everyone starts thinking I have a non-sexual crush on Steve. I leave that to Aussie Mike.

Steve is my friend and I'm glad he surprises us this weekend to add some more joy to happy valley and can't wait til next time.....Or maybe I'm just hungry again. mmmm Pavilion.

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Anshu Gupta
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Pside Aids Hookah Talent Show

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hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?

UNTIL I FIND IT, I WILL JUST HOLD A HARD DRIVE UP TO MY EAR SO I CAN LISTEN TO THE C:

OH THERE it is...

Today is special day, -two events on one Thursday night, and thusly two blogs. It is fun to say thusly, or write it as the case may be.

ANYwho, this second episode takes place at the Hookah lounge in State College where the main character, Celery, is busy coordinating a fundraising show benefiting AIDS and PSIDE (Penn State International Dance Ensemble).

There were no melting flakes of snow outside but the crystal chill of winter made it hard nipple cold. Like a vulture, I circled the block for parking in town but had to escape to campus. With construction, I weaved around obstacles searching for an entrance to a parking lot I could see but I could not find a way in. Eventually, I abandon that lot for one two and half blocks from my place and a few jogging blocks from the Hookah Lounge. That makes a lot of sense, right? Maybe I should have parked at my place but you are not a real man if you do not take the risk to find the prime spot.

After descending only a few stairs into the dark cellar that is the Hookah Lounge, a pair of friends immediately greeted me. It was Andre the giant; I mean Andre our humorous tall Brazilian friend, along with Alice, Celery's crazy friend who is so much of a sex fiend that her last name is an orgasmic "Ou" (pronounce O like the letter or the orgasmic squeal).

Alice was in new form because she just got a fun ear piercing. Now all she has to do is the classic license plate tattoo of something symbolic on her lower back and she will have fulfilled her college transformation from seemingly sweet shy schoolgirl to masterful mysterious mature maniac. Andre was our old friend but a new roommate to Alice. It seemed like many tides since I saw the super senior Andre, but it did not take long to settle back into the waves of out friendship. I felt so much love that I could not imagine anything bad happening.

Do not think there are no crocodiles just because the water is calm. Evil guarded the dank cave of the Hookah Lounge like a fairytale goblin demanding to be paid $3 dollars to enter. “Suckanelf!” It was surreal to remember that this very Hookah Lounge where I met Evil through my sweet red ridding hood like innocent friend, Celery. I've never been sure if Celery is so innocent and loving she feels sorry for Evil and tries to show her the way, or if Celery is just naively blind to cold soul. I know the ways of the wicked are tempting, but confudles me every time I see the pair of friends together. Celery often defends Evil to me and me to her, saying if we spent time together, we would grow on each other. Sure, Celery, the Evil one would grow on me as if she was a colony of E. coli and I was room-temperature British beef.

Of course, I am speaking of Michelle as the evil one. Physically I will not insult her. She is lava lamps lovely, you know: fun to look at, but not too bright! When I first met her in this Hookah lounge she continually assaulted me for no reason, and from that footing, we have remained. Determined not to give it to her, I handed my three dollars to the girl next to her because as the Arabs say, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

The evil one laughed, as she explained why I would not give her the satisfaction of taking my money. Then Michelle boldly turned to me and asked for a truce for the night. “Yeah right, I am not so easily charmed.”

Even though he knew nothing of our past animosity, Andre chimed in asking why I was paying the three dollars at all. The sign said "$3 donation". DONATION, which should mean I only had to give it if I wanted to. Michelle claimed the sign was a mistake and it should have said “$3 cover”. Sounds like a little bait and switch to me. While we were arguing the point, another girl escaped the winter firelight outside, descended into the fetid darkness of the hookah lounge, and callously walked by use without paying.

I was outraged. "Why didn't she pay? See, it is a donation!" --No, Michelle maintained; she does not pay because she is dancing in the show. "Really?" I said shrewdly. "She doesn't have to pay 3 dollars because she's in the show. If I give you three extra dollars, will you not dance in the show? I’d pay just spare the masses."

Little did I realize Michelle was not dancing in the show, she was singing. I have been thwarted again by evil. Since I have no magic weapon or alibi, and I fear chains that clank, I retreated from the confrontation with the evil troll gatekeeper. I took solace knowing the money was going to causes I like to support. Still, EVIL will survive another day.

A crew of fun people soon formed around us. To me it was the best assortment, some people I know and some I do not. In these cases, I can have a lot of fun cracking jokes about people to strangers and vice versa. Mad props will go out to Brooke for showing up. I invited Brooke to the festivities because she is under 21 and it is nice to find places she can go other than just vball, house parties and frats. As a bonus, Brooke brought a couple of her lady friends along, one of which I accosted for going as Nicky with a y instead of I.

Brooke also deserves credit for bringing the always-daring Island Amy from Puerto Rico along who told us humorous woes of her neglected vagina. This topic of conversation made Andre feel at home funneling the discussion to ask “Who should go down on their lover first, a guy or a girl?” Other than the chatting, the best part of Brooke’s mini-crew was that they bought the flavored Hookah and left early so I received freeness.

MattyMat soon joined but went to sit with Abha and RuchaCat in another section, leaving Anthony and a few his friends behind to join us. Then, two of Anthony’s friends came in when I was answering a call to lead to some random humorous actions. The girl facing me, I recognized her face vividly but not her name; the other one was on my cushion facing the other direction so I was clueless but she had a familiar aura.

The one I recognized, I remember was charming. We smashed two-liter bottles with a James’ sword on Anthony’s balcony before we watched the nutty movie "Bubba-ho tep". It was one of those classic "I forgot your name right after you told me" instances. Somehow, I got to teasing her that night about something and started calling her Princess so in my head that stuck.

Therefore, in the haze of flavored tobacco I guess my brain thought if I knew Princess I obviously knew the other girl who had the gaul to sit on my cushion on the floor. Thusly, when I returned I wanted to reclaim my cushion. I playfully chocked the non-princess on the neck from the back grunting in a sing-song way, "You are in my seat!"

Princess started laughing and then asked me if I even knew the girl I assaulted. I looked over, but by this time I knew I did not want to...whoops, we never met. Then Princess asked if I remembered her. Luckily, I saved a little grace with my pchewy charm, and I mentioned Bubba Ho tep.

Now I guess it was chilly in the hookah lounge. It was chilly in the sense that wusses and women might complain. This made it sensible for Princess’s female friend to keep her gloves on for a while. After about 10 minutes, though of sitting on the cushion-less ground, I started to think the gloves staying on were odd. Therefore, I turned to her and pleaded. "You know it was an innocent mistake. I am sorry. Don't go OJ on me and strangle me with those gloves, okay?" ...we all laughed, rejoiced, and prepared for the amazing show.


Wow, I am sorry for writing so much but I did not have time to write less. As favored member of the sponsor PSIDE, Celery MCed the night. The honor of introducing the sexy belly dancers befell on her. What is there to say about that? College girls dancing around in hookah room can make everyone feel like a sultan for a day.

Next, our friend Abha bravely took stage to do a reading. Now Abha can claim to be five feet tall, and with her assortment of killer heels, you would never know the truth. Regardless, she is short and it was hilarious seeing her read her poems because the mike was raised above her pointing down instead of under her point up. Also to add to the amusement were a few people next to RuchaCat saying lude things about Abha in Hindi thinking nobody could hear them or understand. Men, gesh, how mature.

Okay well I guess my groups of guys and girls were not very mature either. Throughout the whole show, Andre and I were yelling things. Andre kept insisting there should be some performance art, and demonstrated his rising and wilting flower gestures. Anthony was no help either, doing goofy things to get me to laugh my ass off like pointing to himself and smirking while someone was reading a serious poem telling the tale of homosexual lust.

I guess I should apologize to RuchaCat for our juvenile nature. By the time RuchaCat was the up to grace us with her poetry we all had the case of the 6th grade giggle. Now RuchaCat’s poetry is not like the normal silken, sad, uncertain poems; they were good. Granted I do not think they were legendary and she would never outdo her college poetry years, but they laid a good foundation of expression raw emotion, and they were just a snippet of her portfolio, a mere glance into her complex soul. I imagine one day RuchaCat will write a poem about her favorite color Purple and people will be moved to cheers of Bravo and then, and only then, will they understand her as I pretend to.

Anywho, backed to today. Beforehand I brazenly asked RuchaCat to decade her poem to me. First, she did one reading written by a published famous poet, and didn’t dedicate it to me. Then she read a personal poem inspired by the first poem. I guess it makes sense to give that author credit for inspiration, but I wanted it dedicated to me. Sensing this perhaps, RuchaCat assured me after the reading that in her heart it was dedicated to me. You have to love my weasel friends...they know just what to say. Now RuchaCat gets bonus points for fixing the microphone and engaging her audience with eye contact. Her speech com teacher would be almost as proud as I was.

Unequivocally, I would say RuchaCat’s poetry was my favorite of the night, because it seemed the freshest and most original presented well. I especially like the first of her two encore readings, a poem called Chu-Chu or something of the likes. It was the autobiographic tale of when RuchaCat and her school friends found a ladybug, which was rare in the dessert oasis Dubai where she was raised. A boy heard the commotion and smashed the bug thinking he saved the girls from the icky bug. But RuchaCat and her friends liked the bug; and even if they did not they did not need to be saved by a pretentious boy.

Off the kewl prose of the poetry, the night of humor overtook the show. RuchaCat introduced the Chu-Chu poem as something she wrote from Dubai. This caused some guy from the audience to cheer for his homeland. This made RuchaCat feel a little uneasy because her poem was not really about Dubai and she thought she was going to let him down.

In the middle of the poem, RuchaCat goes on to describe the girls in their school uniforms, skirts of course. This made Andre yell out "Man I think I like Dubai already!" to the boisterous laughter of all. I guess you had to be there to appropriate it fully, but I cannot remember the last time I was entertains so much by good performances, and laughed so much by the side comments as this night.

Meanwhile I took it upon myself to challenge the non-performing spectators to blow smoke rings. Of course, I told people to curl their tongues just to see them do it, even though I had no clue how the rings were created. Andre graced us with his thoughts. He suggested you should ungulate your jaw with no other shenanigans needed. This worked for a one girl once, perhaps as a fluke, but she was the only one to have any success other than Celery who has done it before.

In the interim, we had sad pathetic Brooke. Poor Brooke spent most of the night just trying to learn how to blow smoke out of her nose. When we caught on to what she was doing, like good friends, we made her laugh every time she tried to exacerbated things. Still, like frantic fish determined to breathe out of water, Brooke was bent on smoking through her nose. Before the night ended, we were proud that she persevered and succeeded. She deserved a ribbon, but sadly all she got was smelly clothes.

Now back to the show and the shockers. Celery danced another group dance with the girls from PSIDE with the poise and charm you would expect. There was no shocker in that in itself. Due to the smoke, you usually get a haze in the pictures you take at the hookah lounge. Today there was anther affect of flash photography. The girls wore outfits that had shear fabrics over their midriffs and when the camera flashed, you had flash of sensual flesh. Luckily, these girls were not in sporting dresses made of this fabric like John Kerry's daughter at the Canes film festival, because she appeared naked to the cameras and exposed her granny panties.

The first real shock for me was when the Evil Michelle got on stage to sing. There is no denying her. As snake's shed skin, the Evil One sang a solid melody that left me swaying like an oscillating electric fan set on medium. Michelle had an amazing voice with enchanting tonality. It was the kind of voice that reminded you of a nightingale serenading her children with lullabies. I was entranced and even complemented her after the show. "Good job. You have a really good voice."

Michelle interrupted, befuddled, "Is that a complement?"

I continued, "Yeah, you should sing more and talk less." I know I have sensitivity of a Medieval Dentist. Still, like the Venus flytrap, I learned Michele is danger and delight growing on one stalk.

The next shocker was by far the biggest. This made the shock of a rookie QB on the Steelers going undefeated in the regular season seem cliché. This monstrous shock was perpetrated by Celery's roommate Rachel. Anthony and I met Rachel on the sand courts of Volleyball. She is a sweet playful girl, and I do not want to say she has a Mickey Mouse voice, but she has a childish voice on the likes of Spaz or Princess. It was in the heart of the show when Rachel stepped on stage without me noticing because I was in the middle of a conversation.

When I looked up by happenstance, I could not believe it was Rachel. Her voice floated like prayers into my amazed ears. She was singing a raspy, sexy, hilarious country song I never heard of and she was a star. I turned to Anthony who was not paying attention and said, "You won't believe who is singing!” His shock and awe reflected my own. Of course, this was more of a funny night of theatrics. Celery convinced her roommate to go up for a much-deserved encore and sing a Britney Spears song. Midway she forgot the words and left us with smiles frozen on our faces still lost in amazement.

Eventually, and unfortunately the night had to end. Since I am the gallant hero, I would not let the ladies burn with frost and offered Alice, Abha, and RuchaCat a ride home. I even went as far as to run to my car and pick them up at the door...mostly because I was too impatient for them to say their goodbyes.

Today I realized my life has a superb cast, but I just cannot figure out the plot. If I was stuck on a deserted island, I would still pick Drew Carry as the thing I would bring (Girls would turn me into a slave; drew is funny and he is fat so if needed, he would make a tasty treat.) But if I had to choose a group of people to vacation with on an island with nothing else to entertain me, they would be the first I’d want to shipwreck with.

Your Personal Hero
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pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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Julia make Thai

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H lp! S m b dy st ll th v wl s fr m my k yb rd!

Oh there they are. Stupid vowels are never found where I expect them.

Luckily I didn’t have to find ingredients for a meal tonight because of Julia’s benevolent greatness. Julia jump started the weekend by making Nicole, Dicke, Tia, Monica and I some Thai Food, on a Thursday no less! With time to kill beforehand, I sped to the mall for a much needed....

Haircut…There's always the haring debate for a man like me, stylist or barber? In the barber’s corner is a price break, a manly ambience and the unreal feeling of that soft lather and close shave by a straight edge blade. Damn that feels masculine! On the downside you’re surrounded by pale, balding, gut-growing men who foretell of a foreboding future.

In the stylist's corner, the advocate would tell you the haircut you receive is more metro so you get what you pay for. Also they sneak in a bonus head massage when they shampoo you. If only they did the shave and there were no annoying hairdryers, it’d be a cinch to pick the stylist all the time. Still, today the scale tipped for the stylist because of location! Location! Location! If I go to the mall I can get stuff too, imagine the possibilities...

Stylist: What size clippers on the side?
Me: Two…
Stylist: That short?
Me: Absolutely. I want to tRick my body into thinking it is summer.
Stylist: Good luck. I hope you haven't jinx yourself....

End result was a nifty short haircut but a frigid sub-freeeeeeezzing night. Damn the stylist and her witchcraft. She lured me in with a no wait haircut, lulled me with her sweet shampoo massage, just to doom me with her dark psychic prophesies of cold.

ANYwho, when we called Tia to tell her we were ready, in classic Tia style she was not. Brilliant Nicole decided we should retrieve Monica first arguing that would give Tia ample time. Then we waited in the parking lot for Tia. And we waited… and we waited some more…Then just for a larf, we continued to wait…

“Tia’s slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.” I said to myself. Finally, she arrived before we died of carbon monoxide poisoning fully prepared with a rehearsed lame story that her mom called just as she was leaving.

Funny things about cell phones you can walk and talk at the same time. Oh wait, Tia forgot here cell phone and had to go back to get it when it rang. Silly me. I'm just teasing a bit, of course. Tia herself admitted it was a lame excuse and she wasn't going to bother trying to come up with more.

Now that we were a packed in my car, we sped to claim all the green traffic light on the way to Julia’s kitchen. When we arrived, I unloaded the “soap treats” on her for dessert. Some would say it's the tropical fruit known as liche with coconut bits, but I say it is what it taste like, soap. I'd much rather have the liquid liche anyday in hell because that stuff is prime.

To kill some time while Juila cooked, I battled Nicole and Tia in some table tennis, besting them with my ferrous skills. Little did I know what would happen in retaliation. Tia had an arsenal of ass shaking dances prepared. I got a pic of it which you can see, but it probably just looks like a mistake if you didn't know it was a dance.

After Tia gave up, Dicke assumed the role of Nicole’s partner. During this play game we added another ball to test my hand-eye coordination. Though exhausting, it was a fun challenge and ended up being quite exhilarating. I suggest you try it whenever you have a chance, and send me a quarter as royalty because I just invented the game. I'm sure I'm the only one to ever think of such a variation. Nicole added to the joy by saying "Oh Yeah" every time she scored. This inspired Dicke to do the same. Unfortunately they could only cheer 2 or 3 times out of ten due to my ninja skills.

Normally Julia can rely on her saucy looks or her killer karate moves to bring men to their knees. Today she used cooking. At first it was the nasty smell of god knows what that flooded the room and our nostrils. Desperate, we fled for fresh air and opened the windows for whatever salvation we could find.

Next it was the "fruit cleaning spray" which Julia unconsciously dared me to spray in my mouth that subdued me. Granted it is made of natural ingredients: citrus, pineapple juice, orange rinds and such. Its purpose is to clean pesticide off of fruit, but a fruity flavor it did not have. So if you ever decide to go hippy and buys such a product, don't eat it, and send me a quarter for saving your taste bugs.

Finally, it was Julia's noodle and veggie Thai dish that brought me to my knees. For some it was the spiciness, but for me it was the shear deliciousness...mmmmm seconds please. Thanks Julia.

Along with the food we had the general fun of seeing Tia go from being a Bag Lady to a costume jeweler for 7th graders. At one point, Tia found a picture in a magazine, turned fortuneteller, and told Monica that her boyfriend Shaw would turn into him. Lol--Tia is the best.

It took me a while to figure out why Nicole and Tia are such good friend, but know I know. For an actuary like Nicole, risk mitigation is the essence to her sole and statistics and randomness is her passion. What is more risky and random than the fun styles of Tia? Tia is one of a kind. You all suck for not knowing her, and will never know the true joy of randomness. By reading this blog though, you may have an inkling of an idea. I think that means you owe me a quarter.

I'm guess by now the reader of this has figured it out. I need to do laundry soon and could do well to have a plethora of quarters. So if you got some spare change send it my way. Oh well, read the next blog to hear about the rest of my adventures in the night.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

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Tokyo Vertigo plays the Saloon

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Huzzah, I have done it!! Congratulate me. I went a whole 525,948.766 minutes without purchasing a musical instrument. You doubtlessly would have never guessed that I was the variety of man to impulsively buy musical paraphernalia. I wonder what Freud would say? I love fidgeting with instruments, fully knowing I'd never really learn to play unless a crafty musician moved in with me and transformed learning into an addicting game. I don't know where this virtuoso will live considering Nicole takes a lot of space, Trouble is going to live in my closet, and I’m saving up for a pet Siberian tiger.

The year of the lord two thousand four marks the year I gave away my guitars. I also tossed out my toy drum set to make room for a punching torso named Void. Void lives with me because nobody else will accept his checks signed Void—ha-ha. Still I love experimenting with noise so I’ve retained my signature harmonica necklace. The only other instrument I have is my favorite gift ever, a purple dragon shaped flute. Celery graciously gave me the flute for no occasion other than she saw how much I coveted it. Now that’s a true friend and a genuine person indeed.

Today it was hard to not dash to the Rainbow Music store next door to buy something when I went to see Tokyo Vertigo, the new band containing my friends Johnny Marsh, Bret, Mohan, Brian, and yeah Phil. I had the itch to buy an instrument to live vicariously through their joy. Tonight's paying gig was at the "Saloon", home of the infamous Monkey Boys, twenty-some flavor choices of tasty mixed drinks. My favorite is Bong water, which you can appreciate even if you couldn’t pick marijuana out in a drug line-up.

Phil and Brian needed to have a few more riveting solos, Johnny Marsh needed to have a little more emotion on stage, Bret needed to have more fun, and Mohan needed to learn how to express himself and be more animated....Let me let you in on the joke, they were the complete opposite, out of control.

Though their play list was mostly covers, Tokyo Vertigo ignited the surprising large crowd given that spring session at PSU hadn't started yet. Super props go out to Bret who played while he was sick. My only real advice for the premadonnas is to somehow start the show earlier. Their ear for pitch made the Saloon’s sound man have to reemerge on stage a dozen times to make minor variations until the sound was to Tokyo Vertigo's liking.

Tis a shame that I didn't take more pictures to capture the fun I had. It felt like a reunion with a bunch of people I haven't hung out with much since Batman Dave went to Brazil for the fall. Also I had the thrilling opportunity to chill with Zach who I haven't hung out with at bars nearly enough. Boo to Zach for taking a drag on a cancer stick when he so successfully has stopped smoking. Nicole would be the first to remind you that your insurance rates skyrocket if you’re a smoker.

Surprisingly, I ran into Bob from volleyball, Nena, and Jill, three people from completely different groups of friends. It's the kind of bar visit you want to have to jumpstart the spring semester o’ fun in the middle of the winter chill. Adrie was bubbly fun as usual, and H(eather) was the pimp dancer we've all grown to love. One day I'll open a club and hire her and Celery to teach dance basics, and then hire Alicia for the advance motivation to go buck wild. Then I'll turn them to Peaches to manage and sit back while my club gains me fame and fortune with bands like Tokyo Vertigo playing, and of course Alicia. If you would like to fund this venture, send one dollar to Happy Guy, 600 W. College, apt 2; state college, pa…

If you're 21+ you should join us next time Tokyo Vertigo plays. Otherwise hope for the time they hit the Hub again, another frat, or maybe they'll try to make the spring festival, Moving On. Only downside of the night was when robo-pchewy took over and guided me home, he didn't put on a winter hat because Alice still had it from the Jacuzzi party earlier in the week.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Jacuzzi New Years Day

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All is quiet on New Years day. Sadness follows because sweet Trouble (Jess) is on her way, away. That nutty girl woke my lazy bones up just to take her to the bus station so I could say good bye and start missing her, gesh. Luckily, in the world of pChewy, if you want fun, then make it; swim in a deep sea of playful mayhem! We're off...

It was New Years day in Happy Valley, and since the abnormal mid 40’s heat was melting the ice sculptures on Allen St., I was going to have fun in the slosh. For Xmas, Santa got me this Spiderman toy that shoots real streamers because I was a good boy. Taking careful aim, I jokingly shot at one of the sculptures to the delight of a random child who then begged me to shoot him. I acquiesced and sprayed the gleeful boy a few time as he dodged merrily until I gave him the chance to try out the canister of stringy fun. His parents thanked me and then I was on my way.

After partying, it's the Waffleshop, if you ever bounced with me, you know what I'm talking about; Kate, Steve, and Anthony dined with bliss, and after the good times we saw the funniest flick, “Shawn of the Dead”. Now you don't have to have watched the remake of Dawn of the Dead (though if you want a thrilling gore movie, that would be it), to enjoy this hilarious movie which is a play on zombie movies. Somehow Kate the pansy was slightly afraid, by what?, I don't know because the movie was such a well produced up roaring farce. Shawn of the Dead has to be my best impulse movie of the year since "Shoaling Soccer".

Following the movie, we frolicked to Anthony's brother John's place for some tasty homemade Gorditas and football. The Gorditas were delicious in this amazing ranch sauce and went perfectly with watching the close Michigan bowl game. Noting the time so we’d know exactly when 30 minutes later arrived, we gathered our makeshift swimwear, loaded into two cars, and headed to Alice's place.

Yes, I said swimwear in the middle of winter. How perfect right? I hooked up my laptop, which has lame internal speakers, to Alice's computer speakers and base. Since it was thirty minutes later, we were allowed to dive into her hot tub like a submarine in enemy waters, overflowing the area in flash flood scenario. We had our malt bottles from Highway Pizza in hand because the liquor stores in our commonwealth were closed which meant no hard liquor.

It took us forever until genius Steve deciphered the controls of the Jacuzzi and figured out how to adjust the heat, causing us to burst into cheers every time the temperature went up a single degree. Nicole was on the attack with squirt gun rubber duckies, but nothing could really protect you from James in Speedos, especially when KT and Dicke arrived late to scrunch us together like performers in a clown car. Only James was much scarier then clowns could ever be.

“Your honor, I unequivocally stand by my previous testimony. That puddle of water by the toilet is my swimming trunks dripping onto the floor, not pee.” It didn’t take a court order for Alice to wise up and lay some towels in the bathroom and the room leading the tub only after we left a wet mess. I guess I could be prosecuted for neglect because I told Alice I’d bring extra towels. But if I go down I’m bringing my accomplice Nicole with me. I relayed the need for towels to her, but she didn’t bring our bath towels so we were short some.

After the heat got unbearable, we trickled out one by one, Nicole being the last to leave because she stubbornly wouldn’t let me win that honor. I turned and gazed at the spectacle; the water we displaced could have bathed a gross of midgets or watered a field of killer tomatoes, and it left the filter in the tub gasping for water. Unfortunately our best efforts could locate the hose and spigot to replace the water.

Oh well, inside the house I did find myself a tall slender glass full of a blue Windex-like punch purchased because I imagined the vibrant color when mixed with poisons could lure my nemesis Celery to imbibe for her untimely demise--muhahahaha. Along with the blue juice and my evil thoughts, I munched on delicious brownies made by our hostess ho-hoe, Alice.

To varying degrees the weekend of partying had gotten to most of us, especially Steve who was sprawled out on the couch passed out from sleep deprivation, not alcohol consumption. I guess that means we can declared the start of the New Year an unrivaled success, bid the night farewell, and silently embraced our hopes for fun in the future.

I hope you’ll be part of that fun…

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com