Penis Monologues

Click Here for more pics

I will give a quick shout out to the person I think would most appreciate Penis Monologues, Aussie Mike. Who if he is bored is probably reading this from a LAN down under [LAN=Local Area Network].

Q: What is the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Penis monologues were the greatest escape into fun. A spoof off the famed Vagina Monologues, this piece of theater is played once a year at PSU to my personal critical acclaim. Shame on anybody who goes through undergrad and never see it. You missed a great time. Located within walking distance is the Forum (nix the jokes about the funny thing that happened on the way...) after nine parking is free so we drove. When we arrived, we went the wrong way in the circular forum. Instead of waiting in a line that extended outside, we ended up being among the first ten to go in. SCORE!

Now the cost was as free as a flasher's wang. We got great seats in the middle and were even able to save seats for MattyMat and Alice in the packed standing-room only classroom. I got an awesome picture of Alice with a penis in the background shown above but not many other pics. Classic, right? In retrospect, both Nicole and I hookup and now MattyMat and Alice do, so somewhere it must have been a rather romantic occasion.

Memories of "No Refund Theater" came to mind but Penis Monologues were funnier on average; although, it was not quiet as funny as SAS (Short Attention Span Theater) and their skit productions or doing abridged Hamlet quicker, and quicker, in slow motion, and then backwards. In general, I like all theater, especially theatre that stimulates the man's hypothalamus. (The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. mating.) Live theater better than reality TV I probably would have seen otherwise, because you can hear your friends in the soundtrack to this.

Penis monologues proved a few things. Nicole did not think she would like it but laughed her arse off. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. This proves that I was right and she should learn to obey. Penis monologues also proved that male strip teases are more funny than sexy; luckily, it did not result in any male nudity. I think if it did James or Zach would have auditioned. There were more girls than guys in the audience. More proof of Penis Envy--haha. Finally, I learned that chastity is curable, if detected early.

Mostly though it was not about learning, but short stories and skits that were all about laughing about sexuality. I especially liked when the only girl in the cast walks by half way though and said, "I like oral sex." Audience reaction was quintessential to the fun. This one skit centered on how hard it was to urinate after sex. This caused the actor to tell a tale where he accidentally peed on the girl he lost his virginity to when she came into the bathroom. When he said he was trying to stop, the guy behind us groaned, "No, don't stop, that shit hurts." My other favorite audience moment happened when another person's skit caused him to say "Size doesn't matter." Instantly, the girl behind me said, "It matters to me."

Finally, that same only girl in the cast walks by three fourths of the way though and said, "I REALLY like oral sex." Then she proceeded to put a phone number on the chalkboard. With that deja-vous feeling, MattyMat examined his cell phone and realized that the oral sex girl's phone number is real and in his contact list. Way to big pimp MattyMat.

Keying off Vagina Monologues, the men lined up and started naming their penises, or is it peni? My favorite was "Peter-peter, pussy-pleaser". When Vagina Monologues ended, RuchaCat and crew felt like it would be fun to name their vaginas and bring it up in conversation months later. Luckily, over the years none of the guys I know felt the same need because I don't think they could pull it off. …If I was forced to play though I would say I'll call mine the bishop, it works both in the religious catholic schoolgirl way and the cunning intellectual chessboard way. Okay I had lied; I want to be peter-peter too…

This blog was dedicated to all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
website statistics