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Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken? I used to get wings all the time, especially this Mystery sauce from Wing Zone. Leave it to Nicole to get wasted one night after chomping some wings and associate one with the other. Now I am subjugated to get my meat fix during company lunches. I am not sure if it was the wing deprivation or the dipping sauce I got at Prospectors, but the wings I engulfed transformed me to another plane of existence where everything unworldly seemed to come into sharp focus. During my spicy epiphany, I finally found out why the chicken crossed the road. It is art. -a chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion-hehe. ANYwho, I munched so many wings for lunch that I was not too hungry for dinner but was looking forward to tonight.
We went to see an a cappella competition in the HUB tonight. A cappella is two words; do you have any idea how long it took me to find that out; Microsoft Word was no help. ANYwho, for said a cappella we waited in the longest line I have seen outside of an amusement park. Frantically, we looked for Bert, Dave, and his girlfriend, but randomly ran into Anna and her friend before Bert'n crew found us. The show was a renowned success, and the clear winners were hilarious beyond their talent. The halls were filled with laughter and merriment. They sang songs from our childhood to today, from Rescue Rangers theme song though Backstreet Boys up to Usher's current hit. I have no idea why it took the judges so long to tally their votes and release the results.
I have actually been going to this competition for several years since my freshman/sophomore roommate was in the music fraternity Phi Mu Alpha. It is one of those cannot miss PSU musical events like seeing the thespians at haunted Schwab, the free bands at Movin' On or Artsfest, or joining the marching band at the end of the Homecoming parade.
Musically speaking, my favorite band is "The Cure" which itunes.com somehow thinks is punk?? In reality, I am quite eclectic in the range of music I like. If you are lucky, you might even see me trip over people during a country line dance, push people twice my size in a mosh pit, shake like a lunatic to rap in my car or celebrate Steelers touchdowns hand in hand with friends bouncing to good polka.
Chorus to the best polka song ever: "I don't want her. You can have her; she's too fat for me" [switch partners]; [repeat] "I don't want her. You can have her; she's too fat for me".-Lol. There's nothing in the world more fun that lifting someone's mom up and passing her around to this song.
Okay prepare yourself now for my favorite musical joke [drum roll, please]:
"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft
…and I will show you A-flat minor."
Wow, hold your composure. Do not pee your pants. Okay, the joke may seem childish but when you read the heart-breaking story of my musical life, you will know why my musical humor is stuck with my musical skills in elementary school.
My music career is the standard artist story of the system crushing the spirits of the dreamer. I was stifled as a child in grade school when my chorus teachers was knocked up with child and replaced with a kindergarten teacher that I did not know. On her first day, the new chorus director wanted to gage our singing voices so she whipped out a puppet that she made say, "Hello so-and-so, would sing for me?"
One by one like obedient lambs, the other schoolchildren would sing. Then the puppet would congratulate them until my turn came. The puppet turned to me and sang, "Sing high-er!" with the last syllable being raised in her high soprano voice. From all accounts, I froze for a few seconds with this puzzled "What you talking about Willis?" look. When the teacher tried to use the puppet again to demand that I "Sing high-er" I said, "I'll do it again louder, but I'm not going to sing to a puppet!" This led to my dismissal to the principle office with a note of disapproval.
Now by this time in my lustrous four years of schooling, my principle knew me as a model fun loving kid. I assume that he thought I was coming for something the new teacher needed so he offered me a piece of candy. He was confused when I said, "I don't think I get candy" and handed him the note the teacher gave me. As he read the note, he was noticeably surprised that I was there for disciplinary reasons. Instead of following policy and taking me into his office to discuss the situation he asked in shock, "What could you have done?"
I responded, "I'm not going to sing to a puppet." I could see the principle crack a smile that he tried to hide as the secretaries and counselors in the office half laughing tried to look away to conceal that they were listening and thought it was funny. I think they were all on my side and proud of my courage. In the end, the principal took me into his office where he said I could just leave chorus if I wanted to, thus stunting what most undoubtedly would have been a famed musical career that would have changed American Idols competition to who wants to tour with Pchewy. Still, I spoke truth the power and was rewarded with a green Charms lollipop with gum, my favorite.
ANYwho, away from my career-crushing trauma, and back to the weekend we go. I left everyone before the official reading of the judge in the a capella competition because SneakAttack called. Since she was visiting for the weekend, she invited me to join her to see "Giants of Science" at the "Crowbar". For those poor souls that do not know Giants of Science, they are an awesome cheesy 80 cover band with painted chalk faces that are famous for their crazy antics involving wet t-shirts, drinking games, and assorted challenges like that. Since I will probably never go platinum, I will just have to enjoy the musical talents of others like Giants of Science at great venues like the Crowbar.
Let me tell you a few things that I believe. I believe the Crowbar is the best venue for music in State College because it has the strong legacy of being converted from a two-story Burger King to what it is today. I also believe all you Bryce Jordon lovers are punks comparing the intimacy of a venue like the Crowbar to the corporate mass marketing of Bryce. I believe Giants of Science is one of the premier cover bands in Happy Valley, especially when they play at the Crowbar. I believe everyone is entitled to my opinion.
It was enough of a surprise to run into Anna earlier. When I got to the Crowbar, I bumped into Celery's old roommate Debb who was in Florida last semester. After some reacquainting, I met up with SneakAttack and her boyfriend who were sitting with Sexkitten and her boyfriend. Then Kim came by in an amusing way. Kim was kind of like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. Kim was buzzed which most certainly led her to stumble down the one stair separating the second floor from a sunken viewing area on the second floor. I would like to make fun of Kim more for that trip, except I tripped walking up it forgetting it was there. Why is it that when you are walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there is still one more step? I guess we are two peas in a pod.
After some drinks, we left the boyfriends and went down to the dance floor. The loveliest of faces are set by stage light, when one sees half with the eye and half with the fancy. It was soooo much fun. It was also the first time I saw Kim dance too. Apparently, her love of the Crowbar makes it the only place she dances. Can anybody blame her?
While I was lost in song and dances from before my time, I was flooded with memories of the dozens of different bands I have seen at the venue. I discovered "Republica" and saw legends like "G-Love" and "Vanilla Ice" on his comeback tour. Over the times, I have learned the two rules to remember in the crowbar.
Rule one is to take it easy, Don't fight. Do not push, shove, or get in a huge fight because some drunk person runs into you. Also, lay off the arguments with your significant others. Why ruin a fun night?
The second rule is be wary of women you meet in the Crowbar. The drinks are flowing so do not go after girls and just assume they are as attractive they appear. Um, I am not talking for personal experience (hopefully you believe that).
After some heartache with fights and hooches, I have created a way to avoid the two Crowbar sins. The thing that works for me with girls is to see how much they are sweating to gauge their non-beer goggle size. The advice to keep from fighting is just to chill yourself, ignore others and focus on the music.
Luckily SneakAttack, Kim, and Sexkitten were neither fighters nor sweaters so I had fun just watching the drama of those around us who did not follow the rules. I guess my advice to all can be summed up like this: "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
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