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It is spring break for the college kids now and it is still cold. Granted there have been blizzards during PSU's spring break before and there is no snow now, but I find no solace in that thought as I dream of burning my winter coat. I hate the cold. The football season is long over so I see no reason for the cold. All the kids are gone for spring break. Did I mention that I hate the cold? Yes I know, hate is a strong word. In fact I hate the word hate almost as much as I hate pessimistic haters, but today I hate cold more. In fact, I hate the cold so much I refused to eat the York Peppermint Patties my coworker offered me for free on sheer principle.
Luckily I was able to leave work early and had a fun weekend to speak of. I have just returned from Annapolis Maryland. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself down there, return (get it?? If not, try reading that line again). ANYwho, Annapolis is a trendy shopping town outlined by a pretty bay overrun with navy brats. Overall I'd call it a pompous Milwaukee, but I find myself visiting because that is where the new house of Mikeypooh Shelak resides.
Mikeypooh Shelak's place is a quality fixer-upper. I won't call him an old man for buying it yet. I think you've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. I didn't find any wood strips in site so I'll give Mikeypooh Shelak the devil's benefit of the doubt. What I did find was a big hole in the basement. Well, technically Nicole Myers found it when I chased her into it. Luckily she did not sprain anything except my chest from laughter. Why is it that when you are walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always thinks there is still one more step and you stumble? That's the only analogy I can draw to portray the look on Nicole Myers's fleeing face.
Nicole Myers and I were in a heated battle of tossing six darts at a time and trying to get them all to hit the dartboard that led to the completive atmosphere and the chase. You'd think Nicole Myers would have learned to stay away from Mikeypooh Shelak's dart. At his old place that he rented which was in walking distance of a water taxi, I threw one of Mikeypooh Shelak's darts a good 18 feet. Bull-eye, or more appropriately, Nicole Myers's ass is where it landed with a high arch giving her much time to roll out of the way.
Poor girl didn't think it was actually going to throw even though I practiced the throwing motion like a QB pump-fakes before throwing the precision bomb....and years later she's learned little, lament. It may be that her sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others who dare to play chicken with me.
So in retrospect the greatness of Mikeypooh Shelak's place is proportional to him having a Jacuzzi. I got to enjoy it with MattyMat Shelak and his friends returning from their spring break trip to New Orleans. Of course this meant Zack had to whip out his Speedos. That kid is hung like a horse. They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. Most of the lame ones preferred a quick nap to the Jacuzzi, but soon we were all hungry and headed to town for some Japanese food.
You knew the Japanese place was authentic when you saw the lucky Kitty bobble-hand waving at you. You can tell the class of the establishment when they bring you cups and fill them with a can of pop right in front of you. Oh yeah, did I mention that the coke Anthony Scardino got was a limited New Years edition can from 2 years ago. Aged bourbon he probably thought he was going to get on his spring break, but he didn't know he was going to get aged coke too. Still who are we to complain about classiness of an establishment? Surely James Stewart who was making a penis out of his napkin wasn't going fuss.
Overall the eats were okay. You know my motto: Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow you diet. Though the Japanese was nothing compared to the other place we went to for breakfast the next day, mmm eggs benedict. The only thing that could be better than that breakfast is a banana, some chocolate syrup, and thou (DISCLAIMER: Change thou to Christina Rucha if you are a guy or girl who isn't young, playful, beautiful and brave of heart.)
Anywho, the real heart-pounding excitement of the weekend lied in the windfall of fortune luck that we were graced with. We were lucky to find parking. MattyMat Shelak was lucky that I found his sunglasses on the ground on our way back. But mostly we were lucky we survived.
Mikeypooh Shelak probably enjoyed watching speed racer as a kid, but some things don't stick. He drives as well as he dances, and he dances like a rattlesnake at a square dance. Mikeypooh Shelak's driving prowess is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs. It is not done well, but you are surprised to see it done at all. Mikeypooh Shelak was defiantly more likely a reinCARnation from a horse-centered civilization where he could get a CAReer as a samurai or something, rather than a renewed soul that was once a pioneer of locomotion.
I let Mikeypooh Shelak drive my Mitsubishi Eclipse, which admittedly has a poor u-turn radius to keep you from flipping, but is no excuse for him drifting off to the side and smashing into the curb. Then to top it off he hit his own parked car when he parked in his driveway.
You should have seen the look of "I wish I was innocence" on Mikeypooh Shelak's face when he got out assessing the damage. It reminded me of that proverb, each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty or of a child being caught with a match next to a burnt curtain. Of course the falling out side panel of my car was already an issue, which in retrospect was easy to fix by a professional at no cost to me. Still, it's scary when I say I'd rather give KT Shelak the keys to my car than the other two Shelaks. Maybe one day rat-cat's will be cloned with brains and trained to drive. Then I could choose the Shelak's cat Hobbs as my preferred Shelak driver.
Still we survived and had some good laughs at it. This lends to my friend's theory that God is a comedian and we are his reality TV. It is your job to amuse god with drama or laughs or he will get rid of you. What else explains the loss of so many old people? -they are so boring. On the tombstones of 96% of humans should have the epitaph, "God was bored by him."(or her). Now how or why those other 4% die I'm still debating.
Yawn...my nap made me sleepy this afternoon, how does that work?
I guess I'll bugger off and leave you with this advice for the cold.
Remember the lesson of delayed gratification as taught by Vikings before they raided the frigid Norwegian countryside. --No matter how cold you are, always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
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