THE BAbbLER's Boredom

Shipra N Molly Visit

2005-03-19T15:47:00.000-08:00

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TODAYS BLOG LESSON: Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.

I had a dream that I was an inventor. I made a fancy metallic box that you could hear tiny parts shake when you picked it up, but I couldn't remember what it does? The story continued and the plot unfolded with the main characters overcoming adversity and finding true love. Then after the climax, when the villain was defeated and they lived happily ever after, the main character came up to me and said, "So what does that box really do?" I shrugged my shoulder. The leading lady couldn't take the mystery and pressed the button. Suddenly I was transformed into a movie theater and the screen had a picture of the girl pressing the button, then a wipe dissolve that sucked us all into oblivion. Apparently, I was a movie character inventor and the button sucked the movie up to lead to the ending credits. Neat, huh?

This was a movie weekend because my little sister Sonali (Molly) Gupta and cousin Shipra Gupta came to visit. First though we needed to eat. Someone needs to tell my family that Food' alone is not the correct answer to the question what do you want to eat. Luckily Shipra Gupta got a hold of her friend who made the decision to go to the Corner Room for us. The Corner Room is a fine establishment but I find myself making funny faces at the people dinning from the College Ave Window much more often then I actually go there to eat. My friend Sean would claim I don't go there because it reminds me of my adolescent naivety. Apparently one of his friends thought I was hilarious and even tried to give me her number to meet for breakfast the next day, but I didn't pick up any of the cues and told her to give the number to Sean to call. I protest this thought though because I frequented the Corner room for all you can eat pasta the next year.

My favorite thing about the Corner Room is the etch-a-sketch's you can get while you're waiting. We had fun time drawing each other as you can see in the pics collection. Shipra Gupta apparently loves the Corner Room for its Turkey. Outside of Turkey Day, it can be hard to find quality Turkey. Shipra Gupta's friend though had the best idea. He came with free coupons for ice cream so I was immediately a fan.

After dinner, we decided to the simplest thing for fun and rent a movie. Unfortunately there is only one Princess Bride, a movie that everyone loves because it is the best. Due to this fact the arduous task of picking a movie haunted us. There must be a solution to this problem that is fun and effective. Of course it would take a genius to figure it out. I am that genius, and the answer is simple. Everyone goes around a select a movie. If two people like the same movie they can pick a filler movie to represent that movie. Then the movies battle by a coin flip and a winner is declared. Unfortunately they shot down the Weeping Camel movie but we ended with a winner.

The next day we went to Shipra Gupta's favorite restaurant, Green Bowl. All you can eat and dim sum--hehe. You'd think that since it has green in the name it'd be my favorite restaurant, and I do like it because it is create your own stir-fry, but Nicole Myers claimed she didn't like. Of course in practice when I told her to add peanut sauce to whatever she chooses, she ended up with a meal she liked. My favorite combination is peanut, spicy Thai, and spicy hot sauces. mmmm.

I know sleep is a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine, but I feel like a bicycle, two-tired. Ouch, that was a bad one. Thusly a perfect place to end.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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Pizza N Porn

2005-03-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

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"All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you want to look. I fuck like you want to fuck. I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways you're not."

I haven't blogged in ages until I received the advice of a veteran journal keeper. ~Writing isn't hard; you just have to pretend you're an infinite number of monkeys.~ My problem is that I set such a fabulous standard to live up to, not even a room full of Shakespeares could compete. I feel like I can't out do myself. I can't contend with my own greatness of just a week ago. The most gruesome of thoughts is to have my level of story diminish in any way. I am a hilarious personality in person, if you add the jokes I can steal from the Internet, I become a superhero caliber unstoppable tour de force of folly. I mean my blog isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.

Speaking of sex, that is what today's blog is all about. Not just sex, but sexcapades you can only find in quality Made In America porn. Ultimately, paying for porn seems odd to me though it is a billion dollar industry. The loss of ones hard earned money for pork makes it appear that you're being screwed while everybody else is getting laid. Still, a man, it's hard to knock sex. It is no coincidence that beaver and beautiful are on the same page of the dictionary. Also, some of our sheltered gal pals have never seen a porn, so I felt almost obligated to educate them, and quickly.

Thusly, Pizza and Porn night was conceived in the maniacal brains of MattyMat Shelak, James Stewart and Anthony Scardino. I think it was James Stewart who picked up the first porn on Bourbon Street during their Spring break. It was aptly named "Sin City's 'fuck me harder'"….and the legend was born!!

I don't care what people say. I think porn stars are special. A little bit of plastic, a little powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl seem what she ain't. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one. My liberal thoughts on people who make porn can be summed up by a famous quote attributed to Sir Elton John, "I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though." As for those who condemn the industry, I always think about Simpson's creator Matt Groening who wrote, "When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."

Ha-ha, funny stuff right? But think about it. How much would it take for you to be a porn star? Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95, the price of a bag of Doritos which is my crack. I know what you're probably thinking. Sure you can make a lot of money from the billion dollar porn industry but will you be happy? Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING. Personally, I think I was desensitized by nudity as an early child because I was introduced to the art world where sex and nudity were just an expression of being and not some puritan thing of evil. Because of this, a naked body isn't really a big deal to me as much as a connection with a person and the actual tactile sensation of touching or kissing. Instead it was always just a goofy joke.

For instance, I remembered an impressionable younger me listening to a tour guide at the mattress factory museum in Pittsburgh telling me about the artist who was exhibiting that day. He left his wife and mistress for a cave and lived there for 5 months without even telling his son. The gallery thought the artist was dead, gone mad, or ran away until suddenly he returned with a few scraps of a paper, chicken scratch mostly, which represented what he wanted to show.

After a few more months in his studio, he was ready to present what I was in awe off standing in that tiny museum. It was rooms of different shapes and colors and light with random TV and erotic videos, all of which brought you a difference intense sensation of warmth, lust, or a feeling of awakening. Then at the end of the exhibit, the secret was reveled. You were actually walking through a giant uterus, each room a different section leading to the egg!

Of course this led to us saying what we'd do to portray the uterus. I said I'd make a water slide because "A vagina is kinda like one of those tube water slides... its hot and wet inside and every so often a kid shoots out". Oddly enough when I was older the same artist did a reprise of the showing at I got to see his renewed more sophisticated approach to the subject.

ANYwho, back to Pizza and Porn. The first showing of Fuck Me Harder was a limp flop. It was typical porn, left nothing up to the imagination but the plot. In fact, there was no plot whatsoever. It was just sex scene after sex scene with all the charm of a spasm of the bowel. Over viewing of this cinematic monstrosity could turn the finest Hari Krishna into a bad boy. Usually my liberal optimism can find something redeeming about anything I watch, but I was at a loss.

First of all the problems in the porn were the quality of the ladies, -these were very ugly broken down, used chicks. I'm not ripping on ugly girls in general. I mean an ugly girl once gave me directions when I was lost. And some of my friends have dated ugly chicks with good personalities. The least classy of our group would call them butter faces. Nice body, but her face... --Or just mopeds, fun until your friends catch you riding them. Anywho, the point of this tirade was to explain the women were not attractive and the men were even worse.

Next, came the music. Usually you can get a lesson in funk or contemporary jazz when listening to the background music of porn, but this first porn didn't even had that. It just had the hardcore grunts, which if you're not looking sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. The lightening, the props, the background were all abysmal and nobody could argue after a while. Finally we turned it off.

Oh no! We declared an emergency state and demanded a porn run. Amy Kaucher desperately IMed all of her friends saying "I NEED PORN". I can only imagine what responses she got from people the next day who had away messages. Thankfully, Amy Kaucher finally got a hold of someone who she could rendezvous with her at McDonalds with some watchable porn. Anthony Scardino went with her on the special opt and we awaited them with baited breath.

Quick: What's the speed limit of sex?
Answer: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Somehow in their absence we got into a conversation about size. If a girl ever tells you size matters, it's a test. Don't get hokey and say it is motion in the ocean or overcompensate by insinuating that you're hung like a horse. You'll come off insecure. The correct response is to reframe, 'You know what? I'm so glad you can admit that size maters. Big breasts are important.' Then, if you get any flack, act indignant and say "I'm not a breast man, I'm a breast person."

Anywho, I poured myself an OBD (Occasional Bitch Drink) and was chillaxing until Amy Kaucher and Anthony Scardino came back sharing a brain. Anthony Scardino didn't look like himself when he returned. I noticed the improvement immediately. Some say he's tall, dark and handsome; others say tall, and in the dark, handsome; or was it tall dark and all greasy hands? In any case, we always seem to catch Anthony Scardino in gay moments, and holding a porn is about the most hetero thing I've seem him do. I was so proud. Because of that he looked different--ha-ha.

Now the other person in the picture above is our heroin, Amy Kaucher, looking about as innocent as a nun doing press ups in a cucumber field. I quickly made her pose for the pick with the porns. Then I asked about the guy whose porn we were using, adding that I was surprised she wasn't holding it with gloves on. Lots of people were a little scared when Amy Kaucher said how much porn the guy she bored the tape had. If I were him I'd shirk that insult off and just say. "Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole." Then again, I think that's a great response for most situations.

As for the two porns Amy Kaucher selected, nothing could be worse than Fuck Me Harder. The first was "Barely legal 'coy cuties born to be bad'. At first I misread the label and thought it said "cow cuties, born to be bad'. I became apprehensive that we were going to be watching Amy Kaucher's home videos. Instead she came up to me and showed me the back cover inquiring if I recognized one of the girls. From the neck up, Amy Kaucher claimed one of the stars of the porn looked like Nicole Myers.

That night, I took pictures of it and sent it to a friend Charlie who I thought would appropriate the comment because one of his ex-girlfriends from high school became a stripper. The next day Charlie gave me the funniest email response. "Is Amy Kaucher foreign or something and all white girls look the same to her? As a future FBI guy, I can unequivocally say that this girl looks nothing like Nicole Myers, but to be sure you should send me a picture of her to properly compare. In any case, I can also unequivocally say this Amy Kaucher girl obviously wants a threesome with you and Nicole Myers. Please follow your instincts and send back pics"

Of course, I channeled Jerry from Seinfeld replying "I can't do the orgy. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... Naw, I'm not ready for it. "

Luckily for us, "Barely legal 'coy cuties born to be bad' was of much higher quality than fuck me harder. Inside there were several quick stories of young girls getting it on. Unfortunately there seemed to be an odd obsessive theme running through several of the stories where the girls felt obliged to urinate. "I had two things on my mind. One I needed to pee, two I needed a man"...then she'd get it on with the stable boy or the artist or whoever and Mount Vesuvius would exploded all over her face, belly, whatever. The low point of course was the one outdoor scene where you could see flies trying to get in on the action. Overall, we got the joy of laughing and mocking all of it.

The next porn was "Asian fever" which meant teasing MattyMat Shelak and Alice Ou a lot. One of the quality moments I captured on film looked like MattyMat Shelak giving birth to Alice Ou. Asian fever wasn't as hot as you'd think. It is lack of plot left us wanted more so we created it

I'm not quiet sure how the transition was made. If you asked Amy Kaucher if she'd ever do a porn she'd probably say, "Sure, I'll do that when... - oink flap oink flap - well I'll be darned!" Anthony Scardino took the initiative to cast Amy Kaucher in his first faux porn. Anthony Scardino played the role of the girl and Amy Kaucher was the guy. There were both supposed to mimic was being played on the TV.

With my paparazzi camera in hand, I became the director and quickly learned a new appreciation for the industry. It's really hard to make something look good, especially when you had the low caliber of actors. Zack and MattyMat Shelak were good guest directors showing me an angle where it actually looked like the two were getting it on if you mentally got rid of the clothes.

Overall, Anthony Scardino was Abercrombie fierce, a fabulous actor unleashed. He was playing the girl so we weren't too shocked that he could play the part well-ha-ha. Amy Kaucher on the other hand was a dismal cloud of giggles. At one point Anthony Scardino got frustrated. He pointed to the sex scene on the TV they were mimicking and said, "He's humping, you need to hump." Amy Kaucher erupted, "I'm not humping." --Soon, as in real life it was over. Amy Kaucher came too quickly.

Since it was such a success we decided to make it a tradition. Not Amy Kaucher and Anthony Scardino porn, but just getting together every week and watching a movie. From the low point of porn you'd think the movie choice couldn't get worse, but you'd be surprised. Still some greasy pizza, some great memories and greater friends mixed together.

This blog was dedicated to all you virgins, thanks for nothing. Remember, we got it easy...we ought to take it easy.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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Cold spring break in Annapolis

2005-03-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

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It is spring break for the college kids now and it is still cold. Granted there have been blizzards during PSU's spring break before and there is no snow now, but I find no solace in that thought as I dream of burning my winter coat. I hate the cold. The football season is long over so I see no reason for the cold. All the kids are gone for spring break. Did I mention that I hate the cold? Yes I know, hate is a strong word. In fact I hate the word hate almost as much as I hate pessimistic haters, but today I hate cold more. In fact, I hate the cold so much I refused to eat the York Peppermint Patties my coworker offered me for free on sheer principle.

Luckily I was able to leave work early and had a fun weekend to speak of. I have just returned from Annapolis Maryland. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself down there, return (get it?? If not, try reading that line again). ANYwho, Annapolis is a trendy shopping town outlined by a pretty bay overrun with navy brats. Overall I'd call it a pompous Milwaukee, but I find myself visiting because that is where the new house of Mikeypooh Shelak resides.

Mikeypooh Shelak's place is a quality fixer-upper. I won't call him an old man for buying it yet. I think you've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. I didn't find any wood strips in site so I'll give Mikeypooh Shelak the devil's benefit of the doubt. What I did find was a big hole in the basement. Well, technically Nicole Myers found it when I chased her into it. Luckily she did not sprain anything except my chest from laughter. Why is it that when you are walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always thinks there is still one more step and you stumble? That's the only analogy I can draw to portray the look on Nicole Myers's fleeing face.

Nicole Myers and I were in a heated battle of tossing six darts at a time and trying to get them all to hit the dartboard that led to the completive atmosphere and the chase. You'd think Nicole Myers would have learned to stay away from Mikeypooh Shelak's dart. At his old place that he rented which was in walking distance of a water taxi, I threw one of Mikeypooh Shelak's darts a good 18 feet. Bull-eye, or more appropriately, Nicole Myers's ass is where it landed with a high arch giving her much time to roll out of the way.

Poor girl didn't think it was actually going to throw even though I practiced the throwing motion like a QB pump-fakes before throwing the precision bomb....and years later she's learned little, lament. It may be that her sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others who dare to play chicken with me.

So in retrospect the greatness of Mikeypooh Shelak's place is proportional to him having a Jacuzzi. I got to enjoy it with MattyMat Shelak and his friends returning from their spring break trip to New Orleans. Of course this meant Zack had to whip out his Speedos. That kid is hung like a horse. They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. Most of the lame ones preferred a quick nap to the Jacuzzi, but soon we were all hungry and headed to town for some Japanese food.

You knew the Japanese place was authentic when you saw the lucky Kitty bobble-hand waving at you. You can tell the class of the establishment when they bring you cups and fill them with a can of pop right in front of you. Oh yeah, did I mention that the coke Anthony Scardino got was a limited New Years edition can from 2 years ago. Aged bourbon he probably thought he was going to get on his spring break, but he didn't know he was going to get aged coke too. Still who are we to complain about classiness of an establishment? Surely James Stewart who was making a penis out of his napkin wasn't going fuss.

Overall the eats were okay. You know my motto: Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow you diet. Though the Japanese was nothing compared to the other place we went to for breakfast the next day, mmm eggs benedict. The only thing that could be better than that breakfast is a banana, some chocolate syrup, and thou (DISCLAIMER: Change thou to Christina Rucha if you are a guy or girl who isn't young, playful, beautiful and brave of heart.)

Anywho, the real heart-pounding excitement of the weekend lied in the windfall of fortune luck that we were graced with. We were lucky to find parking. MattyMat Shelak was lucky that I found his sunglasses on the ground on our way back. But mostly we were lucky we survived.

Mikeypooh Shelak probably enjoyed watching speed racer as a kid, but some things don't stick. He drives as well as he dances, and he dances like a rattlesnake at a square dance. Mikeypooh Shelak's driving prowess is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs. It is not done well, but you are surprised to see it done at all. Mikeypooh Shelak was defiantly more likely a reinCARnation from a horse-centered civilization where he could get a CAReer as a samurai or something, rather than a renewed soul that was once a pioneer of locomotion.

I let Mikeypooh Shelak drive my Mitsubishi Eclipse, which admittedly has a poor u-turn radius to keep you from flipping, but is no excuse for him drifting off to the side and smashing into the curb. Then to top it off he hit his own parked car when he parked in his driveway.

You should have seen the look of "I wish I was innocence" on Mikeypooh Shelak's face when he got out assessing the damage. It reminded me of that proverb, each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty or of a child being caught with a match next to a burnt curtain. Of course the falling out side panel of my car was already an issue, which in retrospect was easy to fix by a professional at no cost to me. Still, it's scary when I say I'd rather give KT Shelak the keys to my car than the other two Shelaks. Maybe one day rat-cat's will be cloned with brains and trained to drive. Then I could choose the Shelak's cat Hobbs as my preferred Shelak driver.

Still we survived and had some good laughs at it. This lends to my friend's theory that God is a comedian and we are his reality TV. It is your job to amuse god with drama or laughs or he will get rid of you. What else explains the loss of so many old people? -they are so boring. On the tombstones of 96% of humans should have the epitaph, "God was bored by him."(or her). Now how or why those other 4% die I'm still debating.

Yawn...my nap made me sleepy this afternoon, how does that work?

I guess I'll bugger off and leave you with this advice for the cold.

Remember the lesson of delayed gratification as taught by Vikings before they raided the frigid Norwegian countryside. --No matter how cold you are, always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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Weekend in the Burgh

2005-03-05T17:43:00.000-08:00

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Most of my good friends have kept in touch so they already know what happened; as for the others, who cares? I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant so I will not apologize for my lack of blog. If this insult makes you feel down consider that the sun sinks every night - but rises again in the morning. Also look on the bright side. It is fall so you probably have more time to enjoy my blog.

During my hiatus I'd like to say I was busy pursuing some altruistic goal for the benefit of others. Truthfully, I did find out the answer to the second most important question ever asked. The answer to the first is obviously 42. The second answer is Art. "Art" is why the chicken crossed the road. It's art! -a chicken crossing the road is 'poultry in motion'. Personally, I think I deserve a prize for researching that question and finding the answer on the Internet. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize, but I don't think you can get one of those in prison. Instead I turned my time to more intrinsic goals, rediscovering what I enjoy in life. Do you want to know what I came up with? Yup, triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.

ANYwho, I'm told by an email tagline that a mouse trap placed gingerly on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over back to sleep when you hit the snooze button. Though I lack a trap, I do possess the mental fortitude to imagine it there, so instead of napping, I've gone back to blogging. Since it's been so long since I have blogged, now begins the arduous process of back journaling. Together, we'll see if my hindsight is 20-20 or if I need to spend $20 on gas plus $20 on tolls to drive to the happy ophthalmologist house of my cousins in New Jersey to get fitted for glasses.

Okay back to the events that go with the pics. This trip to Pittsburgh was a doozy.

After about 15 minutes getting lost and trying to find parking to my passenger's rage, we hit up our favorite bars in Shady Side, Kellies. Inside we met Matt Casebeer's kewl motorcycle buddy Sunny who told us his woeful tale of losing his wife after having three kids to her cousin (the cousin was adopted, but still they grew up like siblings--sick!!). We didn't drink much; instead Nicole Myers turned Dracula-ena on me, making faux wax blood wounds from the candles in our booth. Good ole Nicole Myers, all wax and no wick--hehe. Before we left I played that game in Europe. You know Europe right, when you're here you're in America, when you're there, your-a-peeing (European). Well in the bathroom I did what every red-blooded bloke has done when I flushed half way through the pee and then raced against the flush. I'm now told that there is a paper coned funnel designed for pregnant ladies that women allowed the ladies to pee standing up, so if you're a girl reading this don't judge until you try it yourself.

Late night in the burgh' that don't result in movie marathons often lead to reunions at dinners. Dinners are like wet cats, it is impossible to describe the smell, but there's something satisfying about it. This time Nicole Myers expressed her inner Da Vince child through half n half modern sculpture art. The waitress was so impressed that she gave her a whole handful of extra containers to enhance her masterpiece. Of course Matt Casebeer and I had more fun trying to knock it down.

Eventually, we ended up passing out at Sunny's pimping palace with the tennis court backyard. In the morning his 3 boys came over. Playing video games with kids is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Yes I lost in Mortal Combat to a five year old and no I don't think any less of myself. It's just the progression of life I suppose. When I was five, I was the quarter boy at the arcade my dad half owned. Back then, I beat kids, teenagers, and adults alike on the air hockey table or the Frogger machine even though I need a stool to play. Thus is just the way of the world. If you grow up with machines, you'll do better than those who didn't. I laughter best though when that the same kid of Sunny's tried to claim his prize, hanging on Nicole Myers's leg not wanting to let it go.

But go we must. As with late night, the morning after breakfast often calls for dinners. This time we got to meet up with KT Shelak and crew at my old high school stomping grounds of McKnight Road. We ate and chatted and laugh at the nasty steak KT Shelak ordered. HA-ha, my veteran choice of French toast was yummy. I guess age does have its perks in some arenas.

After breakfast we actually went to the Wymans for eggs and I mused. Isn't it always the Matt Casebeer? I finally check out Dave Wyman and his wife Marielle Wyman's apartment for some tasty after breakfast eggs. Now they've gone off and bought a house. Where did I find responsible people like that? I thought my friends were mavericks who'd rather get speedy vehicles than a responsible house. Luckily for every Dave Wyman and slum lord Dicke, I have friends like Matt Casebeer. The main mission of this weekend was to get Matt Casebeer a motorcycle. Check out the pics and you can see my sweet ride.

Yup, I said MY new ride. Matt Casebeer that makes much more money than me in the hick town West Virginia, doesn't have the credit to get a motorcycle so I bought one for him with his money. Technically, I now have a bike and insurance but no license, neat huh? Of course, I had to walk into my house announcing I owned a motorcycle and make my brat little sister wear my helmet afterwards. My weary dad wasn't suckered in too much and quickly found out that I was just the middle man for Matt Casebeer's big boy bike.

At my place, my sister's boyfriend Steve came over. As a big brother you don't really want to over protect your sister from boys, but you want to send subtle messages. Therefore, I let Steve Warfield and Matt Casebeer play with my shocking tanks. (If you're unaware because you live in a non-technology bubble, these tanks are radio controlled which infrared guns and light detectors. If your tank gets hit, the control electrocutes you. Fun, right!!) Matt Casebeer got back at my shocking fun by trying to curl my eye lashes. It won't be a novel quote to say those devices echo back to our medieval past. Any sexist bastard who thinks women don't have guts, do not have to look at childbirth, they can just look at that contraption and gain some much deserve respect.

For dinner we went downtown, and yes they let my seventeen year old sister in a bar while we waited for a table. She's a goody-goody so she didn't order anything. Wait until she feels the abuse of PSU bars that won't look at her twice before denying her entrance, though I'm sure she won't have too hard of a time procuring liquids if that's her desire. You got to love the bars in non-state college. In state college my CEO gets carted at the bars, in downtown Pittsburgh my 17 year little sister eases in with no problem.

We chilled at the bar for a while until our table was called. They had one of those fancy devices that lights up and buzzes when you get called. When I approached my phone ran so I answered it, it was the hostess saying she was sorry she accidentally buzzed me. It was quite humorous because I was watching her talk to me on the phone and waving at her to just talk to me in person. It took her a while to figure out I was standing right there. Back to the bar for a bit went we before we finally got our real seats. The food was splendid mostly because their descriptions were amusing. Dave Wyman got a tower of frittered goodness.

Soon the weekend was over and we head back to Happy Valley. Now you know how I'm always up for trying new restaurants and take pleasure in choosing whatever I can't pronounce as my entree. Other than grapenuts, I pretty much eat anything readily served in a restaurant. Given this as my M.O., you'd probably be surprised I never went to a Crackle Barrel, but it just never happened. After seeing millions on my way to Florida I was happy to finally go. This monumental moment came as a break in Altoona on the way to State College from the burgh.

Now the only way to describe the people at the Crackle Barrel properly is to entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator and turn it upside-down. Count of non-white people->me. It was eerie like when I find a metal coat hanger in my closet. I'm not sure how it got there and I know it doesn't belong. Now to be fair, you won't hear me say that the "Crackle" barrel is a racial establishment but later when I went to Crackle Barrel for the second time, the only non-white group of people was exiled in the corner at the worst table by the kitchen. I pointed it out to Nicole Myers who laughter. Luckily I was in the bathroom when Nicole Myers got a table for two or we might have served a similar fate. We were defiantly the only interracial couple which is something that usually never occurs to me, but since its Nicole Myers's favorite whitey restaurants the jokes had to continue. As a disclaimer of course, I had no ill service due to my race except that they happened to be out of "pork rind" this time, at least that's what they told me.

To kill some time and celebrate that my car hit 44,444 miles (my lucky number being 4), we delayed getting home for a bit more to goof around at toys r us. Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls shag is almost impossible to resist. Nicole Myers took a liking to a scooter which I got a fun pick of. This of course flashed me back to my favorite Christmas with the Matt Casebeerbeer's where I got my friend Thang Dounge a pink scooter as a present. It was a bonus gift because the day before he got it, we went to the mall and Thang Dounge went into a tirade about his dad wanting to scoot-scoot around in the then ultra popular scooters. I ended up getting my sis one too that year. Maybe Nicole Myers might get hers next xmas--hehe. For now she just got some auntie Anne pretzels….(Homeric mmmmm) and then we went down the country road to Happy Valley.

May your life be like toilet paper--long and useful.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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Penis Monologues

2005-02-19T09:49:00.000-08:00

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I will give a quick shout out to the person I think would most appreciate Penis Monologues, Aussie Mike. Who if he is bored is probably reading this from a LAN down under [LAN=Local Area Network].

Q: What is the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Penis monologues were the greatest escape into fun. A spoof off the famed Vagina Monologues, this piece of theater is played once a year at PSU to my personal critical acclaim. Shame on anybody who goes through undergrad and never see it. You missed a great time. Located within walking distance is the Forum (nix the jokes about the funny thing that happened on the way...) after nine parking is free so we drove. When we arrived, we went the wrong way in the circular forum. Instead of waiting in a line that extended outside, we ended up being among the first ten to go in. SCORE!

Now the cost was as free as a flasher's wang. We got great seats in the middle and were even able to save seats for MattyMat and Alice in the packed standing-room only classroom. I got an awesome picture of Alice with a penis in the background shown above but not many other pics. Classic, right? In retrospect, both Nicole and I hookup and now MattyMat and Alice do, so somewhere it must have been a rather romantic occasion.

Memories of "No Refund Theater" came to mind but Penis Monologues were funnier on average; although, it was not quiet as funny as SAS (Short Attention Span Theater) and their skit productions or doing abridged Hamlet quicker, and quicker, in slow motion, and then backwards. In general, I like all theater, especially theatre that stimulates the man's hypothalamus. (The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. mating.) Live theater better than reality TV I probably would have seen otherwise, because you can hear your friends in the soundtrack to this.

Penis monologues proved a few things. Nicole did not think she would like it but laughed her arse off. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. This proves that I was right and she should learn to obey. Penis monologues also proved that male strip teases are more funny than sexy; luckily, it did not result in any male nudity. I think if it did James or Zach would have auditioned. There were more girls than guys in the audience. More proof of Penis Envy--haha. Finally, I learned that chastity is curable, if detected early.

Mostly though it was not about learning, but short stories and skits that were all about laughing about sexuality. I especially liked when the only girl in the cast walks by half way though and said, "I like oral sex." Audience reaction was quintessential to the fun. This one skit centered on how hard it was to urinate after sex. This caused the actor to tell a tale where he accidentally peed on the girl he lost his virginity to when she came into the bathroom. When he said he was trying to stop, the guy behind us groaned, "No, don't stop, that shit hurts." My other favorite audience moment happened when another person's skit caused him to say "Size doesn't matter." Instantly, the girl behind me said, "It matters to me."

Finally, that same only girl in the cast walks by three fourths of the way though and said, "I REALLY like oral sex." Then she proceeded to put a phone number on the chalkboard. With that deja-vous feeling, MattyMat examined his cell phone and realized that the oral sex girl's phone number is real and in his contact list. Way to big pimp MattyMat.

Keying off Vagina Monologues, the men lined up and started naming their penises, or is it peni? My favorite was "Peter-peter, pussy-pleaser". When Vagina Monologues ended, RuchaCat and crew felt like it would be fun to name their vaginas and bring it up in conversation months later. Luckily, over the years none of the guys I know felt the same need because I don't think they could pull it off. …If I was forced to play though I would say I'll call mine the bishop, it works both in the religious catholic schoolgirl way and the cunning intellectual chessboard way. Okay I had lied; I want to be peter-peter too…

This blog was dedicated to all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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Jimmy Vs Sprinkles - Julia N Nicole Bday

2005-02-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

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I do not know what was going on in May that would stir the birds and the bees. Maybe, that is where the word "may bee" came from. Ludicrous, I know but something happened so that nine months later my friends came popping out of their mommies. Maybe there was a condom shortage in 82' that would explain it. Or may bee there is something about kids born on that day that draws them to me. It was 4 years 4 months and 4 days before I was born that Nicole was born. I guess there are forces beyond my rational. Behold the power of four. No matter the case, there are many birthdays this month and thus crazy gift purchases or dinner obligations. Luckily, my friends rock so it is so much fun.

The two big birthdays this week were Julia's on Valentines and Nicole's two days later. On Valentines, I left Nicole's gifts on the counter so she would stumble on them on as a spicy surprise. We are not big on gifts and standard holidays but suave me still got her various little trinkets that I thought linked together. A black shirt with red lips on it led to a tin of cute lip-gloss that sat on a green frog that made a kissing song when squeezed. The amorous green frog led to a green scented candle, which obviously let to a stick of beef jerky. (What girl does not like meat? See Celery for proof [she gave up being a vegetarian then got her first boy toy.])

In general, in life, all I want is a warm bed and a kind word... and unlimited power. For Valentines, the only think I asked of Nicole was a sentimental handmade balloon animal. Being the pious Pchewy that I am, I even left a how-to book and balloons lying around the room. Nicole has an irrational fear that will not let her blow up a balloon though. I am not sure if she thinks it will explode and pieces will suffocate her or poke her eye out. Maybe she thinks the air pressure will pop her ears out. Sadly, Nicole could not overcome her fear and gave me an un-inflated balloon. I tried to pretend it was a dead snake balloon but inside I sighed at the lackluster effort.

Luckily, Julia's bday was able to rescue me from my sadness. It is funny that it was a romantic day and someone else's birthday but I got to dine at my favorite restaurant, Seoul Garden. When I was not reveling in tantalizing yumminess, I enjoyed people watching the quiet couple that were seated upstairs with us. For the theme of Valentines, the restaurant had balloons with cards inside which represented what percent discount you would receive. The sympathetic hostess was nice enough to let Julia pop one too because it was her birthday.

Along with Valentines came funny protest by anti-love people on campus. One even accosted Julia for having roses sent by her boyfriend. The cuddle-haters were well set up with pamphlets and signs. My favorite was something on the lines of "Love misspelled backwards spells evil"--lol. But when I thought about the anti-love_ites, I went back to the quote from the guy who made the Simpsons. "When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." So my advice to poeple who walk by the protesters is laugh but don't try to save thier them.

Two days later came Nicole's birthday. Giftwise, I got Nicole a artsy green picture frame and a sweet passion purple lamp whose shade rotates by the heat of the light bulb. Also, I got this giant ball that slowly changes colors to set some atmosphere for Nicole's bday, but I'm keeping that sweet machine. In addition, I was going to pile 453.6 graham crackers to spell and "happy birthday" and tell Nicole "Here is your POUND cake". Instead, I opted to make her favorite chocolate frosted white cake with sprinkles. Little did I know she would gorge into the cake and feel those unearthly heights of passion on her birthday but would not touch the leftovers. I ended up dumping 3/4ths of the cake a month later, sprinkles and all.

Now the question of the week in this birthday-inspired blogs is Jimmy's or Sprinkles. Most set the argument like the soda verses pop. They say that sprinkles are more excepted as the word describing the topping and that it is colloquial in places like Pittsburgh to call it Jimmys, like pop. Unfortunately, Jimmys vs Sprinkles is a little more complicated.

Some people like Nicole say Jimmys do not exist. Others say that all those treats are all Jimmys. Still there are those like my coworker Amber and I who believe the rod shaped ones are Jimmys. Finally, some believe the rod shaped chocolate ones are the only Jimmys.

This led me to do some research and here are the results. The Jimmy was invented in Pennsylvania by the same company that makes my favorite Mike N Ikes. They were originally just chocolate shaped rods. Eventually other flavors, colors and shapes arose. Still they distinguish the rods as Jimmys and the whole group as Sprinkles. Eventually the Sprinkle name was seen as more marketable so the word Jimmy has become regional and may fade away. Still if you work at a good Ice cream place, you can order a box and it will still say Jimmys on them.

Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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Jermey Returns For Happy Hour

2005-02-12T17:39:00.000-08:00

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Jeremy comes back to visit 2/12
Today I present a one time only special. Read this blog and we will grant you free passage to the kingdom of heaven. No questions asked. You just have to drink every time I mention Long Island Ice Tea [Void by racists, rapists, evangelists and people whose name rhymes with feral]

Country Roads take me home…
To the place I belong;
Happy Valley, Home of Joepa,
Take me home, country roads...

Now that version of the famous song is the one I sing whenever I return to Happy Valley from a road trip. It is a tradition, just like when you come back to Pennsylvania you are supposed to roll down your windows, take a deep breath, and suck in that beautiful PA smell (hopefully you are not downwind from Jersey where the tradition is to spit out the window). This Country Roads tradition started by a singer, Cunningham, a cover band made famous at Cafe 210's Friday Happy Hour.

In my undergrad, I used to yell at Mondays and scorn Tuesdays. I used to vow to others I would maim Wednesdays and mess up the hair of Thursdays. In fact, Monday through Thursdays lived in fear. They all knew their days were numbered (no pin intended). You have to admit that those days are inconsequential, just wasted time until it was Friday and I was in love...with my 210 happy hour. It was the earliest happy hour to jump-start your weekend. After I turned 21, it was the place to meet up with a fun subset of my friends.

At $2 dollar, the price break on the Long Island Ice Teas special made it a prerequisite at every Cafe 210's Friday Happy Hour visit. Long Island Ice Teas are proof that God loves us, and only thing better than buying a Long Island Ice Tea is my favorite drink on Fridays. What I like to drink most, you may wonder, is obviously the Long Island Ice Tea that belongs to others. When Jeremy was a TA, one of his students gave us free Long Island Ice Teas. How beautiful, right? Cuando amor no es locura, no es amor (When love is not madness, it is not love.) I amor my Long Island Ice Tea--he-he.

Unfortunately, Cunningham fell ill with a heart attack after we graduated and no longer performs. I am sure it had nothing to do with the smoking, drinking and going to bars all his life. Now "JR and Woman" have taken his place as the cover band you get to listen when drowning in sweet refreshing Long Island Ice Teas. It is defiantly not the same, but I like JR and Woman from the numerous times I saw them holding a "Monkeyboy" at my favorite get-smashed bar, "The Saloon". I call them JR and Woman because JR has gone through several accompanying women since I started listening to him: Shari, Deb, and now Kate. I think Deb was my favorite flavor of the week, but that may be just because she looked the best and I drank the most then.

This weekend Jeremy and his wife came to town so nostalgia forced us to visit Cafe 210 for a few rounds of Long Island Ice Teas. They were both visiting for career fair, but now the tables were turned. They were the people who were recruiting the undergraduates. Lisa had such an exhausting line of applicants eager for employment it must have been heaven when she was finished. Now Lisa could just bounce with her man and friends at happiest Friday spot, Cafe 210; obviously with a Long Island Ice Tea chilling her hand.

Happy hour will always remind me of Trouble and Dicke who I was with most of the times I have gone there. I once dreamt that Trouble got her toes amputated so she could stand closer to the stage while Dicke was behind the bar for some reason saying he was from Long Island so he should mix the drinks. --I know, I know. I need to enter rehab, but that is for quitters. I also will give a huge shout out to SneakAttack, SpecialBrew, and Melanie who were my happy hour postgraduate comrades.

Cafe 210 is more preppy and low key then the other bars I frequent. In addition, you start your evening there so you probably do not have to adhere to the rules of the crowbar to avoid ugly women and fights. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things." Then again, that might be standard advice when bar bouncing.

What you do have to remember at 210 is that it is probably a little earlier than you are use to going out. Therefore, make sure you do not blow all your finances or you will a moocher the rest of the night. Now do not do what I do, just do what I say in this matter--hehe. Then again, the times I went nuts were some of the best times. Who needs money anyway? Most money is tainted; taint' yours and it taint' mine.

The next thing you should remember is before you come to 210, eat. If you do not follow my advice, it is okay. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Another gem of advice is when you leave 210 after drinking more than four Long Island Ice Teas, be cautious. It only takes a bananosecond to experience pain. (Bananosecond: Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement which is equal to the time it takes for girls to do the same in high heels after 210 drinking).

Man, all this talk makes me wish I had some Long Island Ice teas right now, but I would probably be giving you different advice, like how to pick up someone. I guess that can be seen as advice too, be wary of what your friends tell you.

I guess the most important thing to remember though is do not go so wild that your spent for the night and passed out in 20 minutes afterwards. You probably do not have a breathalyzer on your cell phone keeping you from making drunken calls, so do not call anyone unless you are going to be funny. Similar warning goes with IM, a warning I think Amy can appreciate: WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tihnk you can tipe real gode.

Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch, but sometimes you can spend a magical hour that last two at a special place and time we will are remember as 210 Happy Hour. I feel sorry for people who do not drink. When they wake up in the morning that is as good as they are going to feel all day. Well it was fun having Jeremy and the crew visit. Raise up your Long Island Ice Tea glasses and do the 210 toast, "Here's to you and here's to me; and if we both disagree, fuck you, here's to me and my true friend Long Island Ice Tea"

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com
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A capella and Lisa Returns for crowbar fun

2005-02-06T23:40:00.000-08:00

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Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken? I used to get wings all the time, especially this Mystery sauce from Wing Zone. Leave it to Nicole to get wasted one night after chomping some wings and associate one with the other. Now I am subjugated to get my meat fix during company lunches. I am not sure if it was the wing deprivation or the dipping sauce I got at Prospectors, but the wings I engulfed transformed me to another plane of existence where everything unworldly seemed to come into sharp focus. During my spicy epiphany, I finally found out why the chicken crossed the road. It is art. -a chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion-hehe. ANYwho, I munched so many wings for lunch that I was not too hungry for dinner but was looking forward to tonight.

We went to see an a cappella competition in the HUB tonight. A cappella is two words; do you have any idea how long it took me to find that out; Microsoft Word was no help. ANYwho, for said a cappella we waited in the longest line I have seen outside of an amusement park. Frantically, we looked for Bert, Dave, and his girlfriend, but randomly ran into Anna and her friend before Bert'n crew found us. The show was a renowned success, and the clear winners were hilarious beyond their talent. The halls were filled with laughter and merriment. They sang songs from our childhood to today, from Rescue Rangers theme song though Backstreet Boys up to Usher's current hit. I have no idea why it took the judges so long to tally their votes and release the results.

I have actually been going to this competition for several years since my freshman/sophomore roommate was in the music fraternity Phi Mu Alpha. It is one of those cannot miss PSU musical events like seeing the thespians at haunted Schwab, the free bands at Movin' On or Artsfest, or joining the marching band at the end of the Homecoming parade.

Musically speaking, my favorite band is "The Cure" which itunes.com somehow thinks is punk?? In reality, I am quite eclectic in the range of music I like. If you are lucky, you might even see me trip over people during a country line dance, push people twice my size in a mosh pit, shake like a lunatic to rap in my car or celebrate Steelers touchdowns hand in hand with friends bouncing to good polka.

Chorus to the best polka song ever: "I don't want her. You can have her; she's too fat for me" [switch partners]; [repeat] "I don't want her. You can have her; she's too fat for me".-Lol. There's nothing in the world more fun that lifting someone's mom up and passing her around to this song.

Okay prepare yourself now for my favorite musical joke [drum roll, please]:

"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft
…and I will show you A-flat minor."

Wow, hold your composure. Do not pee your pants. Okay, the joke may seem childish but when you read the heart-breaking story of my musical life, you will know why my musical humor is stuck with my musical skills in elementary school.

My music career is the standard artist story of the system crushing the spirits of the dreamer. I was stifled as a child in grade school when my chorus teachers was knocked up with child and replaced with a kindergarten teacher that I did not know. On her first day, the new chorus director wanted to gage our singing voices so she whipped out a puppet that she made say, "Hello so-and-so, would sing for me?"

One by one like obedient lambs, the other schoolchildren would sing. Then the puppet would congratulate them until my turn came. The puppet turned to me and sang, "Sing high-er!" with the last syllable being raised in her high soprano voice. From all accounts, I froze for a few seconds with this puzzled "What you talking about Willis?" look. When the teacher tried to use the puppet again to demand that I "Sing high-er" I said, "I'll do it again louder, but I'm not going to sing to a puppet!" This led to my dismissal to the principle office with a note of disapproval.

Now by this time in my lustrous four years of schooling, my principle knew me as a model fun loving kid. I assume that he thought I was coming for something the new teacher needed so he offered me a piece of candy. He was confused when I said, "I don't think I get candy" and handed him the note the teacher gave me. As he read the note, he was noticeably surprised that I was there for disciplinary reasons. Instead of following policy and taking me into his office to discuss the situation he asked in shock, "What could you have done?"

I responded, "I'm not going to sing to a puppet." I could see the principle crack a smile that he tried to hide as the secretaries and counselors in the office half laughing tried to look away to conceal that they were listening and thought it was funny. I think they were all on my side and proud of my courage. In the end, the principal took me into his office where he said I could just leave chorus if I wanted to, thus stunting what most undoubtedly would have been a famed musical career that would have changed American Idols competition to who wants to tour with Pchewy. Still, I spoke truth the power and was rewarded with a green Charms lollipop with gum, my favorite.

ANYwho, away from my career-crushing trauma, and back to the weekend we go. I left everyone before the official reading of the judge in the a capella competition because SneakAttack called. Since she was visiting for the weekend, she invited me to join her to see "Giants of Science" at the "Crowbar". For those poor souls that do not know Giants of Science, they are an awesome cheesy 80 cover band with painted chalk faces that are famous for their crazy antics involving wet t-shirts, drinking games, and assorted challenges like that. Since I will probably never go platinum, I will just have to enjoy the musical talents of others like Giants of Science at great venues like the Crowbar.

Let me tell you a few things that I believe. I believe the Crowbar is the best venue for music in State College because it has the strong legacy of being converted from a two-story Burger King to what it is today. I also believe all you Bryce Jordon lovers are punks comparing the intimacy of a venue like the Crowbar to the corporate mass marketing of Bryce. I believe Giants of Science is one of the premier cover bands in Happy Valley, especially when they play at the Crowbar. I believe everyone is entitled to my opinion.

It was enough of a surprise to run into Anna earlier. When I got to the Crowbar, I bumped into Celery's old roommate Debb who was in Florida last semester. After some reacquainting, I met up with SneakAttack and her boyfriend who were sitting with Sexkitten and her boyfriend. Then Kim came by in an amusing way. Kim was kind of like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. Kim was buzzed which most certainly led her to stumble down the one stair separating the second floor from a sunken viewing area on the second floor. I would like to make fun of Kim more for that trip, except I tripped walking up it forgetting it was there. Why is it that when you are walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there is still one more step? I guess we are two peas in a pod.

After some drinks, we left the boyfriends and went down to the dance floor. The loveliest of faces are set by stage light, when one sees half with the eye and half with the fancy. It was soooo much fun. It was also the first time I saw Kim dance too. Apparently, her love of the Crowbar makes it the only place she dances. Can anybody blame her?

While I was lost in song and dances from before my time, I was flooded with memories of the dozens of different bands I have seen at the venue. I discovered "Republica" and saw legends like "G-Love" and "Vanilla Ice" on his comeback tour. Over the times, I have learned the two rules to remember in the crowbar.

Rule one is to take it easy, Don't fight. Do not push, shove, or get in a huge fight because some drunk person runs into you. Also, lay off the arguments with your significant others. Why ruin a fun night?

The second rule is be wary of women you meet in the Crowbar. The drinks are flowing so do not go after girls and just assume they are as attractive they appear. Um, I am not talking for personal experience (hopefully you believe that).

After some heartache with fights and hooches, I have created a way to avoid the two Crowbar sins. The thing that works for me with girls is to see how much they are sweating to gauge their non-beer goggle size. The advice to keep from fighting is just to chill yourself, ignore others and focus on the music.

Luckily SneakAttack, Kim, and Sexkitten were neither fighters nor sweaters so I had fun just watching the drama of those around us who did not follow the rules. I guess my advice to all can be summed up like this: "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

Your Personal Hero
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pchewy
Anshu Gupta
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Trouble's New Tounge Ring

2005-02-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

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There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". Nicole thinks blogging is the latter. Currently, she is awaiting trial for sabotaging my steady blog updates. No sane jury would acquit her. Everyone knows it. With her high high-falutin lawyers though, it will never reach a trial. She might escape formal prosecution but my avid readers will know she is the excuse for the time delay in the posts. If you are reading this now and are outraged, fell free to IM her some wrath.

Still, I wrote a few disheveled outlines, but I have not converted them to the type of English mere mortals would comprehend. I guess I am a slacker. I figure the sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up. Unfortunately, I took this logic a bit too far and now my subscribers are demanding new and exciting material, some going as far as demanding their money back. To those who have sent complaints, sawed-off! I will take my sweet time missy. If you cannot rush genius, than surely you push a visionary like me. For those who give me any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress.

ANYwho, reviewing my web gallery flashes me back to Trouble whom I am super proud of because of the way she has transformed her life into more of what she is capable of by going to graduate school in Arizona. My dear friend Trouble has yet again done the kewlest thing. While most people succumb to sadness and loneliness when they move somewhere new, Trouble decided to take her time in a different environment to try new things. We can all learn from that idea.

Every weekend Trouble tries something new or renewed like going to the zoo or learning to salsa dance. This time her impetuous thirst for fun took her to get her tongue pierced. While most people after undergraduate become conservative and lame, Trouble is still squeezing zest out of life no matter how retarded it makes her sound, and tongue piercing do make one sound silly. All the while, she is joining prestigious groups and pursuing a PHD in child development (--No going Ahhh now I know why she is friends with you, child development, pchewy is a big kid).

Coincidentally, it was a fiery piercing that first drew me to Trouble long before we formally met. She worked as a checker at McLahahands. I knew her as the cute girl with the eyebrow piercing that could be seen in the background of our home videos of our college escapades around town. It was more than a year later that I met her for real though mutual friends. Since then, Trouble has gotten many impressive piercing and jewelry all of which I am a fan of.

The eyebrow one I think is the most personable one in the way that one should only get it if it fits their personality. Trouble has changed a little since then and her eyebrow ring has been phased out, but there is this new tongue piercing to revitalize the fun.

Most of the other piercing Trouble has I think all girls should get, such as the ear tips and the cartilage in the upper ear. I used always tell people I would like to get my nipple pierced like Trouble. Unfortunately, with fear of injury during sports and my personal lack of nipple real estate, my dream will probably never come to fruition. Still, I cannot think of a reason why most girls who are not that active would not want the nipple pierced. Similar logic goes to piercing in jungle spider nether regions.

The next big piercing I am a fan of is the belly ring. Every heterosexual male and even the monkeys that live next door to me agree that they are hot. However, we all know that girls do not really do that kind of things to get male attention as much as express themselves, compete, and impress other girls. Still, nothing says summer fun more than that little twinkle drawing your stare. For some reason I put them on par with toe rings and I just really like the gleam like a new copper penny. I feel sorry for those girls who are infectious prone and steer away from that.

The other piercing left is the glamorous exclusively personally driven ones like the eyebrow piercing or chin studs. They should be preformed for people who appreciate the art and freedom of expression rather than just being rebellious or trendy. My favorite among those that Trouble has gotten is the nose piecing. Coming from an Indian heritage, the large nose piercing worn by married Indian women always reminded me of bulls and has negative connotations from my perspective. Still the very tiny, almost glitter dot sized ones I think is kewl. In addition, I think they work for most girls no matter their ethnicity but it seems not enough girls are daring enough to try.

Well I almost feel like I should bust in on a discussions of tattoos and outline the ones Trouble has that I like, but I do not want to ruin all of her soap opera mystic. I will say the tattoo above the buttocks on the lower back is called a "San Diego License plate", just so when I mention it conversation I will not need to explanation it for what feels like the thousandth time. I am not saying that Trouble has one but that it is my general suggestion as to wear girls should get one.

So I'll just end with a shout of my approval for the most recent tongue piercing and Trouble's revitalized search to improve her life. I am proud of you babe. You remind me of that quote from the person whose cancer went into remission. They said on motivational speaking circuit, "I wish everyone could live life like you were dying." It is somewhat odd to envy the ill, but sometimes their perspective is awe-inspiring. I think Trouble has had enough hardship in her life to know how important it is to cherish your time in good health on this wacky wet world, and it is from her I get strength when I need it.

Anywho, this quick blog was just to send some love out to my sweet friend Trouble, and remind her that her good friends will keep in touch because life without you would be like a broken pencil. --How's that? -Completely pointless. (Awe, can you believe I am ending it on a sappy note? Do not try to typecast me into being just another prankster punks!)

Blowing u a kiss, u can't avoid it, it's cheeck-seeker.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
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Steve Suprise Visit

2005-01-30T23:48:00.000-08:00

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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it. Steve left me a message: Surprise I am in town, Indian Pavilion for lunch? After a tingly shower full of anticipation, I ditched Lazybones (Nicole) who would not be bothered to wake up that early on a weekend (noon). Then, through the bell-clear morning and its bitter winds, I roared past the others to the Pavilion to set a new speed record. I was there just in time to cell Steve to find they postponed the meal another 20 minutes.

To kill time I went to my favorite movie rental store, Mike's Music & Video. As the ebb and flow of consumer demand and the advent of the internet transforms the industry of high end consumable art, the downtown Mikes no longer had much of any music to peruse. In my undergrad year, Case and I spent hours going up and down the isles looking for gems of our favorite musicians, but this was not the same Mikes. In fact, their famed 49-cent VCR rental has gone the way of the dinosaur, which is great because my VCR runs tenuously at best. Now I mostly rent DVD and video games for a buck something a day, payable when you return.

There is still something about the event of physically being in a store that makes it preferable to the cheaper Netflix web mail option. I do not know if it is just nostalgia, the hunter in my primordial psyche that craves the trill of the chase, or if it is more of an MTV need for instant gratification that will not allow the wait for shipping, but it keeps me coming like baby to crack even though it does not make sense. It is like when you are surfing through the stations on cable and you pause for a second on Full House. You know should should not, but you do.

Finally. Pavilion. The last few times Steve's came up to Happy Valley I have not been able to get Pavilion so I was happy to finally make it. With Steve came MattyMat and Dicke, and for the first time KT, Brooke, and Amy joined us for the traditional weekend buffet. If you have never been to the buffet before, what makes the meal great is the bread (NAN) and the chicken. Of course, this made me feel special when I was first in line from our group and got the last of the nan bread. This joy was short lived though. In a matter of seconds, there was more fresh bread for all.

After the first round of eats, MattyMat left to get more meat because, well, meat is good. He asked us to make sure they did not take his plate because he still had some nan bread on it. Obviously this meant that I should take it and hide it somewhere. For some reason putting it on his seat made the most sense. Even though MattyMat arrived right at the moment of the disappearance, he did not see the vanishing act.

With his Spidy senses heightened, MattyMat knew something was awry. He sniffed suspiciously until he saw, or as the case may be, did not see his plate. The crocodile smiles surrounded him but did not know who too accuse; he looked at his spot without his plate as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

Quickly MattyMat conceded and went back to the buffet in the other room. This further inspired me to hand his plate to the waiter who was taking finished plates. Of course, you can imagine the look on the waiter's face. It was a little befuddled, as if he did not believe that I just pulled a used dish from a seat, but he wanted no part it asking how or why. MattyMat now had his meat and bread and some exercise so we let him in on where the plate went.

More juvenile antics continued with the conversation and us questioning what certain deserts were made from. Surprisingly my Indian heritage helped as much as a straw in the dessert. Amy and Brooke took the brunt of the abuse along with most of the airborne food attacks. When we finally parted, I suggested renting some movies to kill the afternoon. Most bailed but Amy promised to join us after her hair cut which luckily was right next to the Pavilion. In addition, it ended up being the same stylist that MichealAnne uses.

I went in with Amy for a second trying to convince the stylist to shave her head; Instead Amy got a haircut, which belonged in one of those bar games where your drunken blurred vision is supposed to find the difference between two pictures of the same event. To the unsuspecting eye, it would be easy to overlook it. They would loose and have to put another quarter in. Still it would not be too hard to guess the area since Amy’s humongous hippo ass would take up most of the shot.

While Amy was being pampered and undoubtedly talking about us to the gals in the shop while under one of those hair contraptions that could give her the Marge Simpson look, MattyMat, Steve and I went back to Mike's Music & Video to select two flicks. I invited Nicole to join us but the lazy lioness had no desire to dress to see a movie she had just seen in the theaters. On the way back to MattyMat's we stopped at CVS where the alarm sounded as we entered. Damn racial profiling! I think they could smell the Indian food on my Caucasian brothers and could see though my disguise... Or maybe it was because we had movie with those little anti theft things on them.

A similar thing happened to me the first time I went to petite library, but I did not have anything that would have the strip. I blamed rational profiling or poltergeists to amuse the four girls that were in my group. The poltergeist theory won out because later I tried to use the Microfiche and put it in backwards to have it explode everywhere. This could not be explained by my incompetence so had to be the paranormal. This time I just handed the movies to the woman at the counter who swiped them. Then I proceeded to go down the isle amused at what consumers can purchase from CVS.

MattyMat needed toilet paper and Steve needed milk. Somehow from this simple endeavor, the cell phone abuse occurred. Amy most likely got a free series of messaging vibration from her cell phone at the salon. If she listened to the messages, she would hear MattyMat leaving one making fun of her lame message. Then he realized he had free weekend and nights so he just left the cell phone running, handing it to Steve and I at various times until it cut off 6 1/2 minutes later. Oh this is funny we thought, so Steve dialed up.

While Steve was leaving a voice mail, I dialed up so that Amy could hear her own voice when listening to Steve's message. I know it sounds silly, but it was actually quite amusing, especially when we went down the isle reading packaging. As fate would have it the first thing we found were the lamb condoms and the pregnancy tests. Afterwards we found the KY Jelly and as seen on TV patted bras which apparently they sell at CVS. I have to give Steve the most props for reading a label and then doing the same label in Spanish. Cómo es divertido es el Steve?

When we got to MattyMat's apartment, James, Anthony and Christina were watching Spaceballs. My favorite line of course "When will then be now?" --soon came up. It was long enough since I last saw the movie that I was giggling. I still think Spaceballs should have been re-released to the theater when the original Star Wars movies came out again. James told me there were Internet rumors that tried to get them to make Spaceballs III the search for Spaceballs II, but there's little chance of that happening. Lament.

Drip, drip, d..r..i..p. There was this sound from the kitchen which confused me. Pursuing the valley of echoes I found MattyMat had some chicken in the sink thawing. I added some soap and took a picture of Amy next to it. Actually, it came out rather nice. I guess when the spacing of the picture does not have to overcompensate for Amy's giant ass she can look quite lovely. Later, Anthony went in the kitchen to find the floating bottle of soap. He turned back to the group in the living room and asked, “Why is there soap in chicken?”

Anthony did not know whom, but knew it was sabotage but thought it would be funnier asking about it rather then just letting MattyMat stumbling upon it. We are just proud that Anthony could make popcorn, which were his intentions in the kitchen. Over a week ago, Anthony burned popcorn and the smell was still a part of the microwave. Now this is not just your standard burn the popcorn in the dorm, opens the window and go to your friends for a bit. This was opening the microwave and there was actually a yellow haze of smoke escaping like a cartoon radioactive blob. Still, we let him make popcorn because we need some to enjoy the movies.

The two movies we got both ended up being druggy movie set in New Jersey of all places. Along with most of the country I've always made fun of New Jersey and have not been too fond of Philly because of it proximity to Jersey and that whole someone telling me the wrong directions in the car and me having to have to pay for making a wrong turn and going over a bridge. ANYwho, I think it is funny that my family whose first generation immigrates are in Pittsburgh now all their first-born child living in Jersey. My cousin Kitty, my older sister Shenu, and my cousin Anoop (and his wife Riju) all are the oldest of their immediate family and are living in Jersey. Arun and his wife Rupal also have gone to evil garden state.

ANYwho, Garden State was one of the movies we rented. It was the more serious of the two, and starred the girl from “The Professional” all grown up. She fell in love in 4 days with an actor who been on psychiatric drugs since childhood returning back to his hometown after his mom's suicide. My description probably makes it seem like a downer but it was actually an uplifting story, but paled in comparison to the other movie we rented. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle is ridiculous!! You go just expecting a crazy antics of some post-college pot heads and what you get is the most amazing serious of events which at the time seem completely believable and leave you laughing continuously. Assuming you're under the age of 104, you should get this movie!! It's EXTREME!!

James and Anthony looked snazzy when they left us in gangster style on their way to a semi. With nothing better to do, we got into some recklessly wresting antics. Grab Amy's legs and made a wish! It is dangerous being the only girl around. Amy got back at me though. They decided to go to Subway from some fresh eats and Amy just about took me out with the door when I tried to enter the establishment. Let's just say me going through the subway door entrance was like skiing through a revolving door. Nicole's friends were eating at Outback so I ditched the group to join hers.

I guess the rest of Steve’s visit became Aussified in honor of our mutual friend Aussie Mike. From the Australian restaurant Outback, we met back up with Steve at Aussie Mike's favorite pub, Bar Bleu. If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon, Bar Bleu to be specific. By the way everyone that is pronounced bar blaah!! because its French Cajun.

My signature 7 and 7 drink sparkled like a diamond. I got a blinking blue stirrer for Nicole when I got her a huge fishbowl long island ice tea which left her whining it's soooo big and cold. How come when she goes out with her fiends or with Steve without me, she comes back wasted? For a while I was sent back to my high school days when I hung out with Kelly's other brother and his friends at Jazz clubs in Pittsburgh. The band here was not mind blowing but its nice to hear a sax every once and a while. I keep nagging Nicole to bring hers so I can blow into like Homer and say "sax-a-ma-phone", but as of yet she has not learned to O-b-e-y.

Part of the highlights of diner and Bar Bleu was me trying to convince Nicole and Andrea that Dave's beard wasn't atrocious. I still think its funny that Nicole has a friend Dave who is dating a girl named Andrea because my buddy Dave Wyman was conjoined to this girl Andrea to the point we called them Dandrea in college. Andrea from Dandrea was my friend but their relationship was messed up. I'm quite happy that Dave Wyman found and married Mariel, especially because it got me to go on a weeks vacation to Puerto Rico with Spaz and Sexkitten.

ANYwho Bert wins the prize for the most drunk. I don't know if it is that he doesn't go out that much because he's in a competitive major, Astrophysics, or if it is his Korean blood; maybe it is just he is a guy from Penn State, but he tends to get lit the few times I'm at bars with him. For the most part it is amusing with lots of hugs and "I'm glad you're my friends". Last time at Bar Bleu, he was kicked out though and I was yelled at because I thought he left but was still downstairs and the bouncers wanted us to take him.

Now Bert has this super strong handshake, which to old school business types is probably something to admirable. I have the complete opposite hand shake that is curved and quick because I don't like judging or being judge too quickly on first meetings, because I learned early in love I missed out on some people because of first impressions. In fact, Steve and I did not really have a memorable first impression. To others though, Bert's shake comes off as an overcompensating pissing contest. Steve who is damn strong for his statue was the first person to just ask him about it. This is one of the things I like most about Steve. He has the character to confront someone he knows.

Of all the friends I have, Steve have to be the least likely person that I thought I would be good pals with. Like if he read that last sentence he’d mention that it ended with a preposition-lol. Steve may have come off a little too smart for his own good when I first met him. He knew his stuff and sometimes that comes off as I am better than you, which he is because he's my friend--lol. Steve might have been a little too conservative about things or too know it all. He definitely was too complacent not wanting to chase after girls for fearing to be that dick. Though the intentions of this are admirable, sadly it usually sabotaged his chances for romance sometimes, but I know when Steve finds the right person, it'll be them who is the lucky one. Because when Steve makes a decision to have fun, he and everyone around him does. When he goes into his gay sas talk, or when he gets a few drinks in him and lets loose, he's actually one of the most personable fun guys to know. I better cut this paragraph and blog off now before it everyone starts thinking I have a non-sexual crush on Steve. I leave that to Aussie Mike.

Steve is my friend and I'm glad he surprises us this weekend to add some more joy to happy valley and can't wait til next time.....Or maybe I'm just hungry again. mmmm Pavilion.

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Anshu Gupta
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Pside Aids Hookah Talent Show

2005-01-27T23:25:00.000-08:00

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hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?

UNTIL I FIND IT, I WILL JUST HOLD A HARD DRIVE UP TO MY EAR SO I CAN LISTEN TO THE C:

OH THERE it is...

Today is special day, -two events on one Thursday night, and thusly two blogs. It is fun to say thusly, or write it as the case may be.

ANYwho, this second episode takes place at the Hookah lounge in State College where the main character, Celery, is busy coordinating a fundraising show benefiting AIDS and PSIDE (Penn State International Dance Ensemble).

There were no melting flakes of snow outside but the crystal chill of winter made it hard nipple cold. Like a vulture, I circled the block for parking in town but had to escape to campus. With construction, I weaved around obstacles searching for an entrance to a parking lot I could see but I could not find a way in. Eventually, I abandon that lot for one two and half blocks from my place and a few jogging blocks from the Hookah Lounge. That makes a lot of sense, right? Maybe I should have parked at my place but you are not a real man if you do not take the risk to find the prime spot.

After descending only a few stairs into the dark cellar that is the Hookah Lounge, a pair of friends immediately greeted me. It was Andre the giant; I mean Andre our humorous tall Brazilian friend, along with Alice, Celery's crazy friend who is so much of a sex fiend that her last name is an orgasmic "Ou" (pronounce O like the letter or the orgasmic squeal).

Alice was in new form because she just got a fun ear piercing. Now all she has to do is the classic license plate tattoo of something symbolic on her lower back and she will have fulfilled her college transformation from seemingly sweet shy schoolgirl to masterful mysterious mature maniac. Andre was our old friend but a new roommate to Alice. It seemed like many tides since I saw the super senior Andre, but it did not take long to settle back into the waves of out friendship. I felt so much love that I could not imagine anything bad happening.

Do not think there are no crocodiles just because the water is calm. Evil guarded the dank cave of the Hookah Lounge like a fairytale goblin demanding to be paid $3 dollars to enter. “Suckanelf!” It was surreal to remember that this very Hookah Lounge where I met Evil through my sweet red ridding hood like innocent friend, Celery. I've never been sure if Celery is so innocent and loving she feels sorry for Evil and tries to show her the way, or if Celery is just naively blind to cold soul. I know the ways of the wicked are tempting, but confudles me every time I see the pair of friends together. Celery often defends Evil to me and me to her, saying if we spent time together, we would grow on each other. Sure, Celery, the Evil one would grow on me as if she was a colony of E. coli and I was room-temperature British beef.

Of course, I am speaking of Michelle as the evil one. Physically I will not insult her. She is lava lamps lovely, you know: fun to look at, but not too bright! When I first met her in this Hookah lounge she continually assaulted me for no reason, and from that footing, we have remained. Determined not to give it to her, I handed my three dollars to the girl next to her because as the Arabs say, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

The evil one laughed, as she explained why I would not give her the satisfaction of taking my money. Then Michelle boldly turned to me and asked for a truce for the night. “Yeah right, I am not so easily charmed.”

Even though he knew nothing of our past animosity, Andre chimed in asking why I was paying the three dollars at all. The sign said "$3 donation". DONATION, which should mean I only had to give it if I wanted to. Michelle claimed the sign was a mistake and it should have said “$3 cover”. Sounds like a little bait and switch to me. While we were arguing the point, another girl escaped the winter firelight outside, descended into the fetid darkness of the hookah lounge, and callously walked by use without paying.

I was outraged. "Why didn't she pay? See, it is a donation!" --No, Michelle maintained; she does not pay because she is dancing in the show. "Really?" I said shrewdly. "She doesn't have to pay 3 dollars because she's in the show. If I give you three extra dollars, will you not dance in the show? I’d pay just spare the masses."

Little did I realize Michelle was not dancing in the show, she was singing. I have been thwarted again by evil. Since I have no magic weapon or alibi, and I fear chains that clank, I retreated from the confrontation with the evil troll gatekeeper. I took solace knowing the money was going to causes I like to support. Still, EVIL will survive another day.

A crew of fun people soon formed around us. To me it was the best assortment, some people I know and some I do not. In these cases, I can have a lot of fun cracking jokes about people to strangers and vice versa. Mad props will go out to Brooke for showing up. I invited Brooke to the festivities because she is under 21 and it is nice to find places she can go other than just vball, house parties and frats. As a bonus, Brooke brought a couple of her lady friends along, one of which I accosted for going as Nicky with a y instead of I.

Brooke also deserves credit for bringing the always-daring Island Amy from Puerto Rico along who told us humorous woes of her neglected vagina. This topic of conversation made Andre feel at home funneling the discussion to ask “Who should go down on their lover first, a guy or a girl?” Other than the chatting, the best part of Brooke’s mini-crew was that they bought the flavored Hookah and left early so I received freeness.

MattyMat soon joined but went to sit with Abha and RuchaCat in another section, leaving Anthony and a few his friends behind to join us. Then, two of Anthony’s friends came in when I was answering a call to lead to some random humorous actions. The girl facing me, I recognized her face vividly but not her name; the other one was on my cushion facing the other direction so I was clueless but she had a familiar aura.

The one I recognized, I remember was charming. We smashed two-liter bottles with a James’ sword on Anthony’s balcony before we watched the nutty movie "Bubba-ho tep". It was one of those classic "I forgot your name right after you told me" instances. Somehow, I got to teasing her that night about something and started calling her Princess so in my head that stuck.

Therefore, in the haze of flavored tobacco I guess my brain thought if I knew Princess I obviously knew the other girl who had the gaul to sit on my cushion on the floor. Thusly, when I returned I wanted to reclaim my cushion. I playfully chocked the non-princess on the neck from the back grunting in a sing-song way, "You are in my seat!"

Princess started laughing and then asked me if I even knew the girl I assaulted. I looked over, but by this time I knew I did not want to...whoops, we never met. Then Princess asked if I remembered her. Luckily, I saved a little grace with my pchewy charm, and I mentioned Bubba Ho tep.

Now I guess it was chilly in the hookah lounge. It was chilly in the sense that wusses and women might complain. This made it sensible for Princess’s female friend to keep her gloves on for a while. After about 10 minutes, though of sitting on the cushion-less ground, I started to think the gloves staying on were odd. Therefore, I turned to her and pleaded. "You know it was an innocent mistake. I am sorry. Don't go OJ on me and strangle me with those gloves, okay?" ...we all laughed, rejoiced, and prepared for the amazing show.

Wow, I am sorry for writing so much but I did not have time to write less. As favored member of the sponsor PSIDE, Celery MCed the night. The honor of introducing the sexy belly dancers befell on her. What is there to say about that? College girls dancing around in hookah room can make everyone feel like a sultan for a day.

Next, our friend Abha bravely took stage to do a reading. Now Abha can claim to be five feet tall, and with her assortment of killer heels, you would never know the truth. Regardless, she is short and it was hilarious seeing her read her poems because the mike was raised above her pointing down instead of under her point up. Also to add to the amusement were a few people next to RuchaCat saying lude things about Abha in Hindi thinking nobody could hear them or understand. Men, gesh, how mature.

Okay well I guess my groups of guys and girls were not very mature either. Throughout the whole show, Andre and I were yelling things. Andre kept insisting there should be some performance art, and demonstrated his rising and wilting flower gestures. Anthony was no help either, doing goofy things to get me to laugh my ass off like pointing to himself and smirking while someone was reading a serious poem telling the tale of homosexual lust.

I guess I should apologize to RuchaCat for our juvenile nature. By the time RuchaCat was the up to grace us with her poetry we all had the case of the 6th grade giggle. Now RuchaCat’s poetry is not like the normal silken, sad, uncertain poems; they were good. Granted I do not think they were legendary and she would never outdo her college poetry years, but they laid a good foundation of expression raw emotion, and they were just a snippet of her portfolio, a mere glance into her complex soul. I imagine one day RuchaCat will write a poem about her favorite color Purple and people will be moved to cheers of Bravo and then, and only then, will they understand her as I pretend to.

Anywho, backed to today. Beforehand I brazenly asked RuchaCat to decade her poem to me. First, she did one reading written by a published famous poet, and didn’t dedicate it to me. Then she read a personal poem inspired by the first poem. I guess it makes sense to give that author credit for inspiration, but I wanted it dedicated to me. Sensing this perhaps, RuchaCat assured me after the reading that in her heart it was dedicated to me. You have to love my weasel friends...they know just what to say. Now RuchaCat gets bonus points for fixing the microphone and engaging her audience with eye contact. Her speech com teacher would be almost as proud as I was.

Unequivocally, I would say RuchaCat’s poetry was my favorite of the night, because it seemed the freshest and most original presented well. I especially like the first of her two encore readings, a poem called Chu-Chu or something of the likes. It was the autobiographic tale of when RuchaCat and her school friends found a ladybug, which was rare in the dessert oasis Dubai where she was raised. A boy heard the commotion and smashed the bug thinking he saved the girls from the icky bug. But RuchaCat and her friends liked the bug; and even if they did not they did not need to be saved by a pretentious boy.

Off the kewl prose of the poetry, the night of humor overtook the show. RuchaCat introduced the Chu-Chu poem as something she wrote from Dubai. This caused some guy from the audience to cheer for his homeland. This made RuchaCat feel a little uneasy because her poem was not really about Dubai and she thought she was going to let him down.

In the middle of the poem, RuchaCat goes on to describe the girls in their school uniforms, skirts of course. This made Andre yell out "Man I think I like Dubai already!" to the boisterous laughter of all. I guess you had to be there to appropriate it fully, but I cannot remember the last time I was entertains so much by good performances, and laughed so much by the side comments as this night.

Meanwhile I took it upon myself to challenge the non-performing spectators to blow smoke rings. Of course, I told people to curl their tongues just to see them do it, even though I had no clue how the rings were created. Andre graced us with his thoughts. He suggested you should ungulate your jaw with no other shenanigans needed. This worked for a one girl once, perhaps as a fluke, but she was the only one to have any success other than Celery who has done it before.

In the interim, we had sad pathetic Brooke. Poor Brooke spent most of the night just trying to learn how to blow smoke out of her nose. When we caught on to what she was doing, like good friends, we made her laugh every time she tried to exacerbated things. Still, like frantic fish determined to breathe out of water, Brooke was bent on smoking through her nose. Before the night ended, we were proud that she persevered and succeeded. She deserved a ribbon, but sadly all she got was smelly clothes.

Now back to the show and the shockers. Celery danced another group dance with the girls from PSIDE with the poise and charm you would expect. There was no shocker in that in itself. Due to the smoke, you usually get a haze in the pictures you take at the hookah lounge. Today there was anther affect of flash photography. The girls wore outfits that had shear fabrics over their midriffs and when the camera flashed, you had flash of sensual flesh. Luckily, these girls were not in sporting dresses made of this fabric like John Kerry's daughter at the Canes film festival, because she appeared naked to the cameras and exposed her granny panties.

The first real shock for me was when the Evil Michelle got on stage to sing. There is no denying her. As snake's shed skin, the Evil One sang a solid melody that left me swaying like an oscillating electric fan set on medium. Michelle had an amazing voice with enchanting tonality. It was the kind of voice that reminded you of a nightingale serenading her children with lullabies. I was entranced and even complemented her after the show. "Good job. You have a really good voice."

Michelle interrupted, befuddled, "Is that a complement?"

I continued, "Yeah, you should sing more and talk less." I know I have sensitivity of a Medieval Dentist. Still, like the Venus flytrap, I learned Michele is danger and delight growing on one stalk.

The next shocker was by far the biggest. This made the shock of a rookie QB on the Steelers going undefeated in the regular season seem cliché. This monstrous shock was perpetrated by Celery's roommate Rachel. Anthony and I met Rachel on the sand courts of Volleyball. She is a sweet playful girl, and I do not want to say she has a Mickey Mouse voice, but she has a childish voice on the likes of Spaz or Princess. It was in the heart of the show when Rachel stepped on stage without me noticing because I was in the middle of a conversation.

When I looked up by happenstance, I could not believe it was Rachel. Her voice floated like prayers into my amazed ears. She was singing a raspy, sexy, hilarious country song I never heard of and she was a star. I turned to Anthony who was not paying attention and said, "You won't believe who is singing!” His shock and awe reflected my own. Of course, this was more of a funny night of theatrics. Celery convinced her roommate to go up for a much-deserved encore and sing a Britney Spears song. Midway she forgot the words and left us with smiles frozen on our faces still lost in amazement.

Eventually, and unfortunately the night had to end. Since I am the gallant hero, I would not let the ladies burn with frost and offered Alice, Abha, and RuchaCat a ride home. I even went as far as to run to my car and pick them up at the door...mostly because I was too impatient for them to say their goodbyes.

Today I realized my life has a superb cast, but I just cannot figure out the plot. If I was stuck on a deserted island, I would still pick Drew Carry as the thing I would bring (Girls would turn me into a slave; drew is funny and he is fat so if needed, he would make a tasty treat.) But if I had to choose a group of people to vacation with on an island with nothing else to entertain me, they would be the first I’d want to shipwreck with.

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Anshu Gupta
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Julia make Thai

2005-01-27T18:20:00.000-08:00

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H lp! S m b dy st ll th v wl s fr m my k yb rd!

Oh there they are. Stupid vowels are never found where I expect them.

Luckily I didn’t have to find ingredients for a meal tonight because of Julia’s benevolent greatness. Julia jump started the weekend by making Nicole, Dicke, Tia, Monica and I some Thai Food, on a Thursday no less! With time to kill beforehand, I sped to the mall for a much needed....

Haircut…There's always the haring debate for a man like me, stylist or barber? In the barber’s corner is a price break, a manly ambience and the unreal feeling of that soft lather and close shave by a straight edge blade. Damn that feels masculine! On the downside you’re surrounded by pale, balding, gut-growing men who foretell of a foreboding future.

In the stylist's corner, the advocate would tell you the haircut you receive is more metro so you get what you pay for. Also they sneak in a bonus head massage when they shampoo you. If only they did the shave and there were no annoying hairdryers, it’d be a cinch to pick the stylist all the time. Still, today the scale tipped for the stylist because of location! Location! Location! If I go to the mall I can get stuff too, imagine the possibilities...

Stylist: What size clippers on the side?
Me: Two…
Stylist: That short?
Me: Absolutely. I want to tRick my body into thinking it is summer.
Stylist: Good luck. I hope you haven't jinx yourself....

End result was a nifty short haircut but a frigid sub-freeeeeeezzing night. Damn the stylist and her witchcraft. She lured me in with a no wait haircut, lulled me with her sweet shampoo massage, just to doom me with her dark psychic prophesies of cold.

ANYwho, when we called Tia to tell her we were ready, in classic Tia style she was not. Brilliant Nicole decided we should retrieve Monica first arguing that would give Tia ample time. Then we waited in the parking lot for Tia. And we waited… and we waited some more…Then just for a larf, we continued to wait…

“Tia’s slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.” I said to myself. Finally, she arrived before we died of carbon monoxide poisoning fully prepared with a rehearsed lame story that her mom called just as she was leaving.

Funny things about cell phones you can walk and talk at the same time. Oh wait, Tia forgot here cell phone and had to go back to get it when it rang. Silly me. I'm just teasing a bit, of course. Tia herself admitted it was a lame excuse and she wasn't going to bother trying to come up with more.

Now that we were a packed in my car, we sped to claim all the green traffic light on the way to Julia’s kitchen. When we arrived, I unloaded the “soap treats” on her for dessert. Some would say it's the tropical fruit known as liche with coconut bits, but I say it is what it taste like, soap. I'd much rather have the liquid liche anyday in hell because that stuff is prime.

To kill some time while Juila cooked, I battled Nicole and Tia in some table tennis, besting them with my ferrous skills. Little did I know what would happen in retaliation. Tia had an arsenal of ass shaking dances prepared. I got a pic of it which you can see, but it probably just looks like a mistake if you didn't know it was a dance.

After Tia gave up, Dicke assumed the role of Nicole’s partner. During this play game we added another ball to test my hand-eye coordination. Though exhausting, it was a fun challenge and ended up being quite exhilarating. I suggest you try it whenever you have a chance, and send me a quarter as royalty because I just invented the game. I'm sure I'm the only one to ever think of such a variation. Nicole added to the joy by saying "Oh Yeah" every time she scored. This inspired Dicke to do the same. Unfortunately they could only cheer 2 or 3 times out of ten due to my ninja skills.

Normally Julia can rely on her saucy looks or her killer karate moves to bring men to their knees. Today she used cooking. At first it was the nasty smell of god knows what that flooded the room and our nostrils. Desperate, we fled for fresh air and opened the windows for whatever salvation we could find.

Next it was the "fruit cleaning spray" which Julia unconsciously dared me to spray in my mouth that subdued me. Granted it is made of natural ingredients: citrus, pineapple juice, orange rinds and such. Its purpose is to clean pesticide off of fruit, but a fruity flavor it did not have. So if you ever decide to go hippy and buys such a product, don't eat it, and send me a quarter for saving your taste bugs.

Finally, it was Julia's noodle and veggie Thai dish that brought me to my knees. For some it was the spiciness, but for me it was the shear deliciousness...mmmmm seconds please. Thanks Julia.

Along with the food we had the general fun of seeing Tia go from being a Bag Lady to a costume jeweler for 7th graders. At one point, Tia found a picture in a magazine, turned fortuneteller, and told Monica that her boyfriend Shaw would turn into him. Lol--Tia is the best.

It took me a while to figure out why Nicole and Tia are such good friend, but know I know. For an actuary like Nicole, risk mitigation is the essence to her sole and statistics and randomness is her passion. What is more risky and random than the fun styles of Tia? Tia is one of a kind. You all suck for not knowing her, and will never know the true joy of randomness. By reading this blog though, you may have an inkling of an idea. I think that means you owe me a quarter.

I'm guess by now the reader of this has figured it out. I need to do laundry soon and could do well to have a plethora of quarters. So if you got some spare change send it my way. Oh well, read the next blog to hear about the rest of my adventures in the night.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

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Tokyo Vertigo plays the Saloon

2005-01-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

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Huzzah, I have done it!! Congratulate me. I went a whole 525,948.766 minutes without purchasing a musical instrument. You doubtlessly would have never guessed that I was the variety of man to impulsively buy musical paraphernalia. I wonder what Freud would say? I love fidgeting with instruments, fully knowing I'd never really learn to play unless a crafty musician moved in with me and transformed learning into an addicting game. I don't know where this virtuoso will live considering Nicole takes a lot of space, Trouble is going to live in my closet, and I’m saving up for a pet Siberian tiger.

The year of the lord two thousand four marks the year I gave away my guitars. I also tossed out my toy drum set to make room for a punching torso named Void. Void lives with me because nobody else will accept his checks signed Void—ha-ha. Still I love experimenting with noise so I’ve retained my signature harmonica necklace. The only other instrument I have is my favorite gift ever, a purple dragon shaped flute. Celery graciously gave me the flute for no occasion other than she saw how much I coveted it. Now that’s a true friend and a genuine person indeed.

Today it was hard to not dash to the Rainbow Music store next door to buy something when I went to see Tokyo Vertigo, the new band containing my friends Johnny Marsh, Bret, Mohan, Brian, and yeah Phil. I had the itch to buy an instrument to live vicariously through their joy. Tonight's paying gig was at the "Saloon", home of the infamous Monkey Boys, twenty-some flavor choices of tasty mixed drinks. My favorite is Bong water, which you can appreciate even if you couldn’t pick marijuana out in a drug line-up.

Phil and Brian needed to have a few more riveting solos, Johnny Marsh needed to have a little more emotion on stage, Bret needed to have more fun, and Mohan needed to learn how to express himself and be more animated....Let me let you in on the joke, they were the complete opposite, out of control.

Though their play list was mostly covers, Tokyo Vertigo ignited the surprising large crowd given that spring session at PSU hadn't started yet. Super props go out to Bret who played while he was sick. My only real advice for the premadonnas is to somehow start the show earlier. Their ear for pitch made the Saloon’s sound man have to reemerge on stage a dozen times to make minor variations until the sound was to Tokyo Vertigo's liking.

Tis a shame that I didn't take more pictures to capture the fun I had. It felt like a reunion with a bunch of people I haven't hung out with much since Batman Dave went to Brazil for the fall. Also I had the thrilling opportunity to chill with Zach who I haven't hung out with at bars nearly enough. Boo to Zach for taking a drag on a cancer stick when he so successfully has stopped smoking. Nicole would be the first to remind you that your insurance rates skyrocket if you’re a smoker.

Surprisingly, I ran into Bob from volleyball, Nena, and Jill, three people from completely different groups of friends. It's the kind of bar visit you want to have to jumpstart the spring semester o’ fun in the middle of the winter chill. Adrie was bubbly fun as usual, and H(eather) was the pimp dancer we've all grown to love. One day I'll open a club and hire her and Celery to teach dance basics, and then hire Alicia for the advance motivation to go buck wild. Then I'll turn them to Peaches to manage and sit back while my club gains me fame and fortune with bands like Tokyo Vertigo playing, and of course Alicia. If you would like to fund this venture, send one dollar to Happy Guy, 600 W. College, apt 2; state college, pa…

If you're 21+ you should join us next time Tokyo Vertigo plays. Otherwise hope for the time they hit the Hub again, another frat, or maybe they'll try to make the spring festival, Moving On. Only downside of the night was when robo-pchewy took over and guided me home, he didn't put on a winter hat because Alice still had it from the Jacuzzi party earlier in the week.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Jacuzzi New Years Day

2005-01-01T22:00:00.000-08:00

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All is quiet on New Years day. Sadness follows because sweet Trouble (Jess) is on her way, away. That nutty girl woke my lazy bones up just to take her to the bus station so I could say good bye and start missing her, gesh. Luckily, in the world of pChewy, if you want fun, then make it; swim in a deep sea of playful mayhem! We're off...

It was New Years day in Happy Valley, and since the abnormal mid 40’s heat was melting the ice sculptures on Allen St., I was going to have fun in the slosh. For Xmas, Santa got me this Spiderman toy that shoots real streamers because I was a good boy. Taking careful aim, I jokingly shot at one of the sculptures to the delight of a random child who then begged me to shoot him. I acquiesced and sprayed the gleeful boy a few time as he dodged merrily until I gave him the chance to try out the canister of stringy fun. His parents thanked me and then I was on my way.

After partying, it's the Waffleshop, if you ever bounced with me, you know what I'm talking about; Kate, Steve, and Anthony dined with bliss, and after the good times we saw the funniest flick, “Shawn of the Dead”. Now you don't have to have watched the remake of Dawn of the Dead (though if you want a thrilling gore movie, that would be it), to enjoy this hilarious movie which is a play on zombie movies. Somehow Kate the pansy was slightly afraid, by what?, I don't know because the movie was such a well produced up roaring farce. Shawn of the Dead has to be my best impulse movie of the year since "Shoaling Soccer".

Following the movie, we frolicked to Anthony's brother John's place for some tasty homemade Gorditas and football. The Gorditas were delicious in this amazing ranch sauce and went perfectly with watching the close Michigan bowl game. Noting the time so we’d know exactly when 30 minutes later arrived, we gathered our makeshift swimwear, loaded into two cars, and headed to Alice's place.

Yes, I said swimwear in the middle of winter. How perfect right? I hooked up my laptop, which has lame internal speakers, to Alice's computer speakers and base. Since it was thirty minutes later, we were allowed to dive into her hot tub like a submarine in enemy waters, overflowing the area in flash flood scenario. We had our malt bottles from Highway Pizza in hand because the liquor stores in our commonwealth were closed which meant no hard liquor.

It took us forever until genius Steve deciphered the controls of the Jacuzzi and figured out how to adjust the heat, causing us to burst into cheers every time the temperature went up a single degree. Nicole was on the attack with squirt gun rubber duckies, but nothing could really protect you from James in Speedos, especially when KT and Dicke arrived late to scrunch us together like performers in a clown car. Only James was much scarier then clowns could ever be.

“Your honor, I unequivocally stand by my previous testimony. That puddle of water by the toilet is my swimming trunks dripping onto the floor, not pee.” It didn’t take a court order for Alice to wise up and lay some towels in the bathroom and the room leading the tub only after we left a wet mess. I guess I could be prosecuted for neglect because I told Alice I’d bring extra towels. But if I go down I’m bringing my accomplice Nicole with me. I relayed the need for towels to her, but she didn’t bring our bath towels so we were short some.

After the heat got unbearable, we trickled out one by one, Nicole being the last to leave because she stubbornly wouldn’t let me win that honor. I turned and gazed at the spectacle; the water we displaced could have bathed a gross of midgets or watered a field of killer tomatoes, and it left the filter in the tub gasping for water. Unfortunately our best efforts could locate the hose and spigot to replace the water.

Oh well, inside the house I did find myself a tall slender glass full of a blue Windex-like punch purchased because I imagined the vibrant color when mixed with poisons could lure my nemesis Celery to imbibe for her untimely demise--muhahahaha. Along with the blue juice and my evil thoughts, I munched on delicious brownies made by our hostess ho-hoe, Alice.

To varying degrees the weekend of partying had gotten to most of us, especially Steve who was sprawled out on the couch passed out from sleep deprivation, not alcohol consumption. I guess that means we can declared the start of the New Year an unrivaled success, bid the night farewell, and silently embraced our hopes for fun in the future.

I hope you’ll be part of that fun…

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

New Years Eve Fireworks Party

2004-12-31T22:14:00.000-08:00

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After the success of Anthony's Playboy Birthday party, we were afraid New Years Eve would be a let down, but luckily there was another group of people like Alice that showed up, and others like Brooke who couldn’t. This made it a completely different dynamic and new kind of success.

CRANIUM:
To start off, Dicke showed up with a "Got a sister?" t-shirt because he's dating MattyMat's little sister--lol. Dicke was on my team along with Trouble (Jess), but Dicke was quickly replaced by Amy because he abandoned the team for other fun. I laughed when Nicole wasn't allowed to see some of the cards because she's too lame to play. Oh I guess I should tell you the game we were playing, Cranium.

Damn those hustlers. We were destroyed by the expertise of Fox, his girlfriend, and Steve. I lacked the ability to recognize the songs by their titles, and they were simple, like the fittingly appropriate New Year's song. The most amusing card drawn was a club Cranium (all teams draw) and I was forced to draw "plastic surgery" so I drew Amy wanting a boob job. I’m such an idiot. Amy would have gotten it I drew an ass reduction--lol.

Before we knew it, the countdown erupted without Dick Clark. Earnestly, Me, Julia and the others around me attempted to start from 50 seconds, but we were only in sync for the last 5 seconds, damn you alcohol. Since State College had a fireworks display set to go at midnight, we migrated to the balcony even though Kate's mom forbids her from going on balconies because she thinks it’s dangerous.

What could be dangerous about fireworks? Well maybe when we started lighting our own fireworks and Anthony dropped a Roman Candle and almost created a balcony of fricassee friends. Lucky for me, I couldn't tell what danger was occurring because I was making a video, until I felt Amy hands clenching me like an eagle on its prey, screaming along with others from behind. I'd like to think Amy was trying to pull me back to protect me and not just trying to use me as a human sheild, but nobody could save Julia from her own drunkenness.

Drunken Julia lit a Roman Candle with a sparkler, and in her drunken state, she thought she had to relight the Roman Candle to make it fire multiple times. Finally when her Roman Candle was exhausted, Julia refused to believe it was over and kept trying to relight it. Then, in drunken splendor, Julia turned to the people on balcony and asked, “Did we miss the countdown?”--hahahahah.

Granted I can't say the liquor didn't affect me. Well I could say it, but lying makes baby Jesus cry. In my liquor induced happiness, I wanted to make a sparkler smile so I stuck two in my mouth and was getting antsy when the picture took a while took a while. My favorite of all the videos made New Year's night was when I captured a successful launch by Anthony but lost firecracker in the air so I turned to the real display and jokingly said "Wow look at that big one!!" --I'm such a goof.

Unfortunately Amy had to work the next day so she took off shortly after midnight. I told her the drunks drive slower than they normally would, so her best chance was to drive as fast as she could and kiss her cows for me when she got home to the farm. Somehow Anthony translated the recipient of that to kiss a Kitty, which then went perverted, right up Amy’s alley.

Since the fire fun was still within us, when Central New Years was celebrated by Conan O’Brian, we decided to make Anthony finally eat his belated birthday cake so we could play with the fire. Unfortunately, we lacked a lighter so we used a match to light the first candle, and then use that candle to light the others. This routine would have worked but when Anthony went to blow out the match, he also blew out three candles. After we finally had all the candles glowing, the ‘F’ candle I used to light the others broke so Anthony’s cake read "Happy _ucking Birthday" like we censored it. Anthony assured me though that his birthday wish was not censored.

After cake, Julia was "tired and wanted to go home". At least that's what we sang to her as mikev and MattyMat carried her out the door. Meanwhile, Nicole refused to let the party die so she initiated a new rule. If you stand on the throwing line for the dart board you have to line dance. Dicke, Steve, Trouble, Alice and Nicole carried on this silly dancing for quite a while.

By the time it was Mountain New Years, the dancing died down so Nicole got into a long distance dart match where people got points for just hitting board. No so surprisingly, a drunk freshmen took over the role of puker for the night, I mean she had hiccups. We dubbed her drunk persona "Anthony" [a play on us calling Anthony, Nancy when he's drunk.]

Before we realized it, it was Pacific New years and we were ready to call it a night. Since we already did the marker on someone's face thing last night, we decided to make a video of MattyMat snoring and put it on the TV. Then we made a video of MattyMat snoring which panned up to the TV that was playing the orginal snoring video. Being a computer engineer, I realized this could become recursive infinity so we called it a night.

In honor of the Greeks let’s do the Roman numeral count down:
.X
..IX
...VIII
....VII
.....VI
......V
.......IV
........III
.........II
..........I

(now if you can do that in 10 seconds on New Year’s eve, you need to drink more)

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Trouble Visits

2004-12-31T17:40:00.000-08:00

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There is a Wednesday extravaganza that most of us who are above the legal drinking age at Penn State love called "Margarita Madness" at "Chiles". On one specific Wednesday during my undergrad, it was the 22nd birthday of my buddy Minka who everyone thought was gay because he liked hugging more than a man in our society is allowed. I twisted this fetish into an opportunity. The challenge for his friends was to acquire him 22 hugs from single women, hoping one would work out and get him over his recently break up with my friend, Neesha.

On that Hump Day we ran into friends with a few people I hadn't ever met, including this beautiful blue-eyed girl with a strawberry margarita in hand. I introduced myself and pimped out my mate Minka by requiring her to give him a hug. I then told her "My friend's call me pChewy" which I worked into a conversation asking if she had a nickname. She pleaded the case that Jess was short for Jessica, but if I left it at that the conversation would have died so I stubbornly did not accept. Eventually, I made her describe herself. She turned up to me with those beautiful blue eyes and said, "My friends say I'm Trouble."

Thusly, Trouble was born and a lesson was learned by all, be careful how you met me. Trouble and I became the closest of friends and our group of friends intertwined. My biggest acquisition was another one of her love interests, Petey. After college I even made some money of off Trouble referring her to the company I work for but she only stayed for a short while due to a layoff. Since she didn't want anything to do with her accounting degree, Trouble (Jessica McGuire) went back to Penn State to get two additional degrees, one in psychology and the other in women's study. Three degrees isn't enough for her though. Currently she's in ASU for five years going to grad school, unless she decides she misses me too much, and then she'll be living in my closet. This weekend marked Trouble's first return to Happy Valley for New Years fun.

We went to one of her favorite restaurants, Mad Mex, for some tasty margaritas and later we went to Panera for some morning after partying eats. At my place we got an awesome food package from Aussie Mike, so I gave Trouble some tasty Australian snacks. Next, I introduced her to my devil puppet, Melof, and then showed off my Xmas present from him, Shocking Tanks.

Trouble quickly decided Shocking Tanks were not her cup of tea after one shock on low, but at least, I got a hilarious videos of her reaction--muhahahhaah. Finally I got her addicted to an old classic game that preceded Tetris, called Klax. When I managed to peel her away, we took to the town to go shopping for a PSU hat.

Though we failed to find a hat she liked, Trouble seemed happy with a coffee cup from Irvings she bought. Along the way, we got to see many of the 100 ice sculptures erected around my picturesque town for New Years. We didn't go on a horse ride or down the ice slide, but in the theme of New Years in a small town, we wrote our New Year's resolutions and hung them up for the town to see.

Nicole was lame and wouldn't follow my tradition to make a resolution, so I wrote one for her "I will not be lame!" which she quickly ripped up. I was going to write "I will not be a bore", and then point to the ice sculpture of the bore, but I knew she could turn around and say "Don't be a cock" and point to the cock ice sculpture that was diagonal from the bore on Allen. Punny, huh? Instead I just turned to Trouble and took a picture of her hanging up hers (See Picture above).

You can read the other blogs to learn about the parties I took Trouble too. I miss you Trouble and can't wait tell I can see you again.

PS: YOU'RE SUCH A NERD, getting a 4.0 in grad school. WOW!

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Anthony's Playboy Bday

2004-12-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

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LESSON ON IMAGINATION:
Memorable people look at the world differently, posing questions outside the box. Whether it's exploring outer space, the oceans, or theories of how organisms or the universe works, explorers ask "What's Beyond?" They venture deeper, outside, and higher than the box of current knowledge.

Inventors are legendary for saying "Why Not?", "Let's try this", "That blows, why can't it be like this?" Before they know it, inventors have asked enough questions to bring them closer to making their dreams manifest.

Don't forget that often overlooked but quintessential kind of smart. Genius artist and musicians can take common items and ask "What If I did this from this perspective?", then shift and combine their materials to create moving masterpieces that invoke awe from their audience of the imagination-challenged, or more fittingly the imagination-lazy.

I know for certain that we all have an imagination and a genius inside. Most of us forget it though, and it twitters away into chaos. We say "We're no good at that", and use our vapid imagination to create the worst excuses of why you can't do something, get something you want, or attract something you desire.

If not harnessed, our imaginations are underutilized, relegated to taper expectations so we can’t be hurt. If you learn anything from this blog, it should be that dreams only come true if you use your imagination to go towards what you want, rather than leaving it to imagine obstacles. Active imagination is not a guarantee, unfortunately, it's a prerequisite. If you don't agree you're just being a fool, player.

PREPARING WITH IMAGINATION:
Let’s apply active imagination in a college setting. For many higher learners, college is synonymous with poor. Poor means cheap, and cheap means splitting two ply toilet paper, reusing plastic cups, and surviving on Ramen Noodles.

If you are what you eat, I'm quick and easy, and Ramen Noodles are the perfect convenient lunch time menu item. For the genius of Steve though, Ramen Noodles can be a great gag gift if bought in bulk and a tool for his creative genius. Ramen Noodles can be transformed into letters that spell out 'H's, then 'A's then 'P's and much, much more. Eventually Steve took these letters and spelled "Happy Birthday Ass" to transform the mundane into legendary laughs and memories for all. Ramen Noodles set the stage for the birthday party of the year.

For years, in fact, for his whole life, Anthony's birthday has been trapped between Xmas and New Years which made it hard to escape to celebrate with his friends. I commend Anthony for combating a childhood blizzard which ruined his only birthday party. Instead of sulking on a therapist’s couch, Anthony mobilized his imagination and proactively did something about his lack of birthday party joy.

Anthony didn't use his imagination to say it couldn't be done. Anthony could have made excuses, --people are all at their homes, they can't be reunited. Anthony didn’t use his imagination to say, "Nobody likes me that much", or use self doubt to ask, "What will people think if I had to throw myself a party? Would I be a loser?"

Brilliantly, Anthony threw all doubts and fears away like he does with recycled bottles to piss off MattyMat. He IMAGINED what he wanted in his perfect birthday party. Nobel as he is, Anthony's only true desire was to have his friends there and it'd be perfect.

But why stifle his imagination and not go further? Anthony likes alcohol, let's have some of that, and maybe some music. Anthony's always complaining about his boney ass wanting to be comfortable so wouldn't it be great if he could lounge in his party, in say a robe? Hell, contrary to the myriad of gay-esk pictures, Anthony really likes girls so let’s get the girls to dress up, or should I say dress down-meow.

Thusly, a Playboy themed birthday party was born from the visionary’s imagination of Anthony. Who cares if people think he's just overcompensating for his gayness, and just trying to put on a face of a sex driven heterosexual to combat the truth? Anthony imagined it, so as his friends we imagined it too, and made it real.

APPLICATION OF IMAGINATION:
...How ridiculous was this playboy party you're probably asking. Let's just say you can see some of the fun from the pics, but this party was so crazy Anthony had a cake, but didn't have time to eat it too!!

The drinks were flowing, literally out of the cups and onto the floor, many, many times (I was responsible for a spill myself). I think Steve showed MattyMat a zoomed picture of Amy's crotch which frightened MattyMat because he thought it was a dude, leading to a ruckus that left brokenness. Previously in the semester James replaced a hole in the wall with a fake outlet, and tipsy Anthony made the mistake of plugging the vacuum into it--hahahaha. Personally though, I preferred it when MichealAnne played the maid and cleaned up the mess in her sexxy outfit, meow.

Even though Trouble (Jess) was not in the mood to dress up, she still found a guy named JoeJ hitting on her endlessly. He's a nice pal, but is the standard clueless type around women, smothering them which make him seem desperate. When he passed out, we drew on JoeJ because that is the college party law.

Gallantly, I gave Trouble the hilarious rejection hotline number (212-478-7990) to give to JoeJ, but she claimed that was mean so I left Nicole to try to fend him off for. I still think Trouble, along with most girls, need to learn how to reject guys themselves. If I was a hot girl, I'd be like, "Sorry I'm not attracted to you. Nothing personal, it's just your approach is predictable like a wuss. If you really want to attract girls, you might try to relax, be funny, don’t try so hard, tease a girl and make her want to come to you. At least that's what I like."

Anywho, luckily Ashley dressed up, and didn't see the rejection hotline the same way as Trouble. Ashley plugged that rejection number in her phone and considered me a savior. I think this was after she spent forever "ordering a pizza" and then picking it up in her lingerie to the joy of the Papa John’s delivery man. If you have free long distance like normal cell phones, call the number for a laugh right now.

To get the ladies to shake their sexiness we laid down some tunes. We learned that not all black people can do the moonwalk, but Anthony can shake his groove thing okay for a white Caucasian. MattyMat in his skilled tradition dropped down and did some break dancing. Who can top that?, one may wonder. I sent Dicke to dance with MattyMat’s sister, KT, and then dip her which sent overprotective MattyMat searching for a weapon. Even Nicole, when she wasn't chilling with Steve, joined in to create a congo line of massaging.

I tried to take extra pictures to make sure Anthony had enough sexxy shots to remember the lively night because I wasn't sure how wasted he was going to become. Obviously, Amy's fat ass wondering around came in the way of the photo lense a few times, but between Steve, Dicke and I, we got some great pictures, including classic shots of Brooke and Kate. Granted the mosaic I created for Anthony with my pics isn't as kewl as the Antonio Banderas cologne he got, but I’m sure he appreciated it all.

As the night peaked, Nancy showed up. [James started this tradition when one of the guys gets trashed their feminine alter ego comes out and does the puking. When Anthony goes to the toilet he is transformed to Nancy]. After Nancy finished, the party thinned and we chilled around reminiscing over the craziness that just commenced. I glanced at Trouble peacefully lying on Anthony’s shoulder, randomly exposing his nipple from his robe. Everyone knows “nipples make me sleepy” so before the sun blinded us, we headed back to my place to crash. Now that’s IMAGINATION, will it inspire you?

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Xmas in Happy Valley

2004-12-26T22:29:00.000-08:00

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TIS THE SEASON TO BE A GAMER:
Pre-Xmas at work we had a video game “Mario Kart” tournament where I got booted in the first round, a “Dance-Dance Revolution” completion which I placed in the top three, and a day of playing random multi-player games including old school “Gantlet” and a twist on a the classic Packman where three people take the role of the ghosts and the fourth plays packman. For Xmas I bought myself “X-men” for the Xbox, and I bought Nicole two role playing games, “Syberia” and “Syberia II”. Of course when we were not watching movies, evil Nicole played her game endlessly and we never cracked open X-men.

MEET ME HALF WAY:
Since my parents didn't want to go to my sister's new place in Jersey, I decided to meeting Nicole in Altoona and bring her back to State College for an intimate Xmas. She left her family because she's Orthodox and their Xmas isn't until January. Her direction to Altoona failed because I took the first exit instead of the 3rd which she assumed I'd know to take, and I had no idea what Crackle Barrel looks like because I've never gone to one.

MEN DONT GET LOST:
Lost, I waited for her parents at a Sheetz but they found one a mile away from me (Later I remembered that stupid Altoona is the headquarters of Sheetz). Finally, I went back in the driver's seat and made it to the mall with directions from a random man to finally find the Myers family including their Schnauzer Tevy they brought along for the ride.

YAY PRESENTS:
Once reunited, Nicole and I bought Xmas presents for each other at State College's and Altoona's malls. We purchased robes for one another and I got her a red teddy from VS. I also bought myself some shoes, and in a sad series of events, lost the shoes in the mall and had to repurchase them. After some tedious laundry, shopping, and cleaning, we made some Xmas steaks and celebrated with wax under the one foot minny Xmas tree in my tiny apartment. Nicole has a device that melts candles to release their aroma, which is great because you can reuse candles, and have fun dipping your hands in the wax to make wax fingers.

I tried to show Nicole match rockets (matches wrapped in aluminum foil that shoot 5 feet) but the last of the matches I had turned out to be a dud, so I moved to the best gift ever, Shocking Tanks. The way these two remote control tanks work is simple. When you shoot the other tank with infrared light, the opposing tank registers the hit and your opponent receives an electrocution though the control, usually dropping the controller. You can set your control to low shock which will do one point of damage, or high shock which will inflict two points of damage. I guess that kind of represents shield which lessen fire power. First to inflict 6 points technically wins, but when you're shocking people, everyone wins.

Well Merry Xmas to you and yours...

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Farewell Vball Mike, Dica Returns, Celery has a boyfriend

2004-12-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

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SUMMESTER WANES:
As the fall ends, my slacking student friends desperately start studying more which means I rent movies. The main character in the award winning film "Amelie" that I adore was also in this movie "He loves me, he loves me not". Even though I had to read subtitles it was a great change of pace flick where they told the same story of unrequited love two ways, one if he loved her and another if he loved her not.

Another consequence of the ending of the semester is we have to say goodbye to some special peps like the legendary Rhetta, and in this case the short-lived friendship with Vball Mike. Though some people don’t have my Peter Pan lifestyle and must be lame and grow up, the kewl ones come back to visit Happy Valley, like Dica who returned this weekend (Unfortunately, I have no pics of Dica’s visit).

THE GATHERING:
Dicke didn't want to call this going away shindig a party, rather he called it a gathering. This makes me wonder what nutty escapades he expects from a true party. Sign me up for that bad boy! Vball Mike was the guest of honor so he wore a tiara; I had no reason to but I wore a random clip-on ear ring for part of the night to the delight of Nicole. Oh wait, she hated it—tee-he. Does this mean that Nicole has latent transgender issues. Oh well.

Before we set up beer pong matches like Rachel & Carson verses Rick & Aaron, we played real ping pong on the Petey's old table. Brooke edged over me in a close game after a steadfast victory over Vball Mike. With this momentum, you'd think Brooke would dominate with Vball Mike as her partner in ping pong doubles, sadly no. Playing confined tag-team table tennis at work adds up, and led to my definitive victory. Hooray for me and teamwork!!

EVERYONE SOCIALIZE:
People cycled in and out during the drinking card game "Circle of Death", leaving Kate and I as the only stagnant players. It was a first time I've gone through the entire deck without anybody dropping any cards for a penalty. It was freaky on a cosmic scale. Kate and I were like Jedis reigning order over evil in the Circe of Death. I always thought Kate and I were evil so maybe it was professional curtsy.

Meanwhile, Brooke snuck in some CDs to dance to because Dicke broke his computer moving it from his bedroom to the living room. You’d think you could expect more from a computer scientist. Way to go dork!!

Still, more of my comments about the music go to Brooke for playing songs that were old when I was young. You don't go to parties and hear 80s tunes followed by the theme song to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nearly enough. Rock on party girl!!

Still it was clutch that Brooke brought any music after the Dicke computer debacle. Usually we use Steve’s mp3 player to run tunes but I don’t think he brought it to the party. I guess I didn’t mention that Steve came up for the weekend which was great but I failed to go to Indian Pavilion for good eats with him. He did seem to keep Nicole amused which was much appreciated.

FEET OF FURY, LORD OF THE RINGS, OR JUST AMY'S GIANT ASS?: When Amy snuck up behind me for a warm "I'm here" hug from behind, I offered her a "foot" shaped ring I got in Canada. I gave her the foot ring in honor of the foot pictures I took of Amy before. Generally, I think feet are the ugliest part of the human body. You agree with me, right? I mean there is no such thing as good looking feet, only somewhat okay feet and nasty feet like my old roommate Heverly's that looked like it would burst into blood and puss at any moment. Ick, right?

Perhaps it would have been more fitting to bequeath Amy a giant butt-shaped ring, but that would have to cover all her knuckles to be fittingly large enough to represent her giant ass and PSU doesn't allow brass knuckles--hehe. Amy told me to hold onto the foot ring until she left, which of course meant it was destroyed in some freakish accident caused by invisible monsters during the party, I swear. A Frodo I am not; I could not hold onto the ring and now Amy’s butt is doomed to grow forever.

HEAT THINGS UP:
I’m all for using instinct, impulse and imagination but sometimes the directions on food items should be adhered to. This advice only goes to others and should never be applied to me. When I was in college, my neighbors tried to use scorching dorm water to boil a lobster which killed it but didn't cook it. Today, Kate and Brooke tried to make Jell-O Shots in the dorm without the boiling water (which they could have gotten using the microwave).

We ended up with gritty un-gelatinized green Jell-O shots. Granted, that didn't stop Genny and I from enjoying them. At our first shot I joked around with Genny "There's someone making out in the other room and it's not you." I didn't know the couple that was hooking up. Apparently this was the culmination of a semester's worth of sexual tension. Most of the rest of the people released there tension with a giant "Lets smack each other in the ass" game. Luckily Vball Mike got his licks in.

Well, we'll miss u Vball Mike!

SAT======>
MOVIE DRAMA:
Saturday Nicole and I saw the vampire movie "Blade Trinity" expecting sci fi plot, comic book horror and state of the art fighting scenes. What we got was all that and a bonus of some excellent humor. For its genre, Blade Trinity is a quality film, though I wouldn’t suggest it to the average Jane on the street. On the way out of the downtown theater, the fates bumped us into the always engaging crew of RuchaCat who recently turned 21. I couldn’t deny serendipity so I agreed to go with them to the bar "Anthony's Big Easy" where we waited for Dica who was watching Ocean’s 12 with her boyfriend.

DRAMA BECAUSE OF THE MOIVE:
Nicole was being super lame, and didn't really know anyone, so she took off. She was pissed because the night before I told Kate I'd see "Ocean's 12" in the morning with her. I did this because I knew that Nicole wanted to see it assuming this would a treat for Nicole. Apparently, Nicole wanted to see it with just me, and couldn't see it with Kate because she had a group meeting at the same time. I told Nicole it was sad, but I'd go without her. In the end I didn't see the movie because Kate was still ripped from previous party night.

Eventually Nicole and I went to see the movie Blade Trinity because BK invited us to join him and we watched Blade II together. I totally forgot Trinity came out. This peeved Nicole more because she still wanted to see Ocean's 12 which ended up being sold out. To top everything I didn't buy Nicole popcorn because I was already sitting when she returned from the bathroom. I wasn't about to get up when the previews started.

I think girls are human beings and I shouldn't disempower them by pampering them, especially to my inconvenience when they can easily do it their selves. If you think I'm a jerk, then you are probably a lazy girl, or you're a guy who's a wuss that bores women and tries to win them over with shallow unoriginal manipulative politeness that rarely works. I mean don’t be abusive to girls, but treat them as your equal which means not putting up with stuff and teasing them about it so you both can laugh. It was sad that we couldn’t go see the movie Nicole wanted, but it wasn’t like I did anything to sabotage Ocean’s 12. We’ll see it eventually and Dica said it wasn’t as great as the hype.

DICA RETURNS:
ANYwho, without Nicole the night continued. This was the third time in a row that I went to Sleasy (The Big Easy) without anybody in my group buying a drink because Celery decided to take off to another bar while the rest of use ventured towards "Cafe 210" in the cold to reunite with Dica. Before she left, Celery punched me for a comment I made in her absence. I said Celery was the hottest girl I've ever met with absolutely no game. I'm pretty sure Celery didn't know that I knew she had a boyfriend at this juncture, but more about that later.

PEOPLE WATCHING:
After some quick reacquainting with RuchaCat, Dica, Vidhi, Abha and such, I spent most of my time people-watching with Alice. At first we tried to figure out if the lead singer playing at Café 210 was a guy or a girl. Last vote count said it was it was a she, but the jury is still deliberating.

The funniest thing Alice and I saw people-watching was a couple forming that I could only describe as the lame hooking up with the lamer. If I ever saw two goofier people with no game hook up I'd swear I was watching a Disney movie. The two lovers were cursed and would transform into beautiful royalty if only they realize it’s the inside counts. I don't know why the romance of these two strangers was so fascinating, funny, and heartwarming to me, but it was. I guess I like the thought that everyone who tries can get a chance at love.

In perspective, I was probably like that lame guy once. I never really had Trouble trying though; I just tried the completely wrong things. Now I'm glad I know a few more things that give me a better chance of positively interacting with woman on an attraction level with skills rather than being afraid or just trying the wrong things. If you're a guy in a rut and are willing to really try new things, let me know and I'll bestow some of my pearls of wisdom. Here's a free one, don't be a predictable, polite wuss; be cocky, funny, and tease a girl so she wants to come to you.

THE USUALLY GRUELING GAME OF WHATS NEXT:
Surprisingly standing outside of Cafe 210 in the bitter cold trying to figure out what to do next was more fun than the bars. At first it was just debating over breaking up the group or doing something together. Then, when most of us seemed to decide to go to Vidhi's, it became a "do we wait for Celery who is still at another bar or not" battle.

Suddenly, RuchaCat exploded on her friends for previously accusing her of being anorexic. I took some perverse joy in this because RuchaCat is just so damn entertaining when she's passionately talking about anything, serious or not. I didn't take the acquisitions seriously because I could never imagine RuchaCat passing up something good to eat, or that she would fall into that unhealthy mindset. Also most people who are anorexic have my deepest sympathies but are typecast as perfectionists or people prone to panic which doesn't describe RuchaCat.

Surprisingly, contrarily to her impulsive erratic explosive persona, I see RuchaCat as having more self control than most. For example, she gave up meat for a long period of time just to see if she could do it. I fully trust RuchaCat and believe her when she said she is just eating healthier. I could probably take a page from her book, but I'd never admit that to her. I was just happy to see her arguing with someone who wasn’t me, and amused by the firey nature she burst out with.

After the drama, which I don't mean to say was very big, fizzled away, people were playing the always entertaining game of I want to be the last person to hug Dica. An unintentional effect of this was keeping us chilling in a cold for a while. Finally we broke towards Vidhi's place, but I wanted to get my car which was by the theater. This lead to the type of antics that only happen to me...

AM I FAT?:
Speed walking down College Ave. to my car, I surveyed a group of people rejoicing a block away. From the cheers, it was easy to determine that a guy just proposed to his love and she accepted. Both were slightly inebriated, but it was real because there was a ring. When the two people in front of me walked by the couple, the drunken girl said "I just got engaged!!" and the strangers cheered and appropriately said "Congratulations".

Keying off his new fiancé, it was the newly-engaged man who turned to me and said, "Hey I just got engaged!!" Humorously, I said, "Really? When's the baby due?"

In her drunken state the girl was quite confused, "What?"

Of course, I just kept walking and overheard her query the man, "What did he say?"

He replied, "He asked when the baby was due."

"What baby?"

"He was just saying that you were pregnant and that's why we got married."

"Pregnant?, I'm not pregnant. Does he think I'm fat!!" --Hahahahah, I love the Trouble I cause.

I FEEL THE NEED FOR PEE:
After I return my car home, I shuffled over to Vidhi's but misinterpreted her directions which normally wouldn't be a problem but my new cell phone ngage batter died. I guess I was playing NCAA football on it too much the day before waiting for Tia's music recital which I went to an hour before because I misinterpreted the time of the show. Adding to the drama was the fact that I had the need to pee. I didn't do at my place because I didn't want to wake Nicole.

Since I'm the genius type, I started sniffing around until I found a mailbox inside a house that said Vidhi and a number which made me think she lived on the second floor of that building. When I got upstairs I saw a number 2. This meant second floor, right? So I opened the door to find Vidhi's room. It turned out that I was in someone else’s house who left their door open. Nobody was home.

I couldn't control it anymore so I just peed in their bathroom and left. In my rush, I couldn't find the second light to turn off. I think I left the toilet seat up too. Finally, I went back the first floor and knocked on that door to ask if they knew where Vidhi's place was. They didn’t know Vidhi, but gave me enough of a clue to realize the mailbox was in this house, but Vidhi lived next door.

MEAT THE BOYFRIEND:
After the joys of telling the two stories to the others at Vidhi’s, I munched on some popcorn and met Celery's new boyfriend while they made ice cream. In retaliation to my accusation that she was game-less, Celery pulled a, "Do you think I have game now?", and I just brutally replied, "You'll find a way to mess this up, don't worry."

Later I realized I might have been wrong. Celery, was the hottest girl with no game which is in little dispute, but this girl in front of me was different than that girl I remember. That girl from before once couldn't say the word "blowjob". This Celery was still relationshiply-awkward, not wanting to call the guy her boyfriend in girlish fashion to not jinx it, but I must commend that she did have a guy who seemed to be kewl. This means Celery has more game that I did at her age.

What has changed with Celery, I thought to acquire this game? Then in a flash of brilliant deduction, it hit me like a stalk of wet Celery. Celery is no longer a vegetarian. My 6 year campaign finally got to her. With some meat in her system, the crave for meat has....well you can fill in the blank. She got the man!!

Per usual, most people started dropping like flies leaving RuchaCat and I the last few alive watching Bruce Lee until the good part of the flick was done. My favorite part is when the one fighter replied to the villian who asked what he’d do when he was defeated. “Bullshit Mr. Handman, I’ll be too busy looking good!” Alice reclaimed her pot from Vidhi, and since I'm such a great guy, I drove everyone home.

Wow that was a super blog, though I guess I should call this an online journal to be correct. What a great weekend, just wish I had a camera for the later part.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Black Friday

2004-11-27T10:03:00.000-08:00

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SHOPAPHOBIA:
Like spiders to a flashlight, Black Friday frightened and dispersed the feeble in my family. Fearlessly, my little sister Molly and I met up with my cousin, Kitty, and her college roommate, Mandy, at Simons "Ross Park" mall. I miss my suburban center, which dwarfs the meager mall at Penn State like a shnowzer sitting next to an elephant. As a teen, you could label me a mallrat, constantly wasting time in search of video games, movies, electronics, coffee, CDs and the arcade. But to my defense, I tried to spend just as much time at boutiques in the city as the commercialized malls when transportation was available.

My cousin Kitty bullied me to open a credit card at “Banana Republic” so she could get an anorexic sized black coat at a discount. I was enamored by the puzzle store and all neat and creative thing they do, especially the mosaics where thousands of pictures make one giant picture. Inspired, I went online got some free software to create ones myself. Click Here for more mosaic pics.

At the mall, I learned my little sister Molly was one of those hot girls that received bounty without asking. She's such a tart. When we were at “Spensors” one of her peers made her gobble like a chicken in exchange for 25% off coupon. Molly adhered to the request, and we made Kitty put on this Rastafarian hat shown above, but we didn't buy anything. Finally, we went to “Eat n Park” to end the day. I got some iced chai from their extended menu-mmmmmm.

NEW PUTER:
After dinner, Molly and I went back home and watch "Mean Girls" and "Saved", super-great teen comedies. For once, Black Friday didn't seduce me to buy anything. That's probably because I'm broke, shelling out cash to purchase this new Ferrari laptop I'm using to type this blog. Finally, I have a working computer again and can be on aim (psubabbler) after work though I'll probably still only check email at work. It's always nice hearing from peps, especially if they find fun sites to visits like this game where you try not to fall down drunk. My high score is 61. Click Here to play game.

HOMEWARD BOUND:
Saturday I was feeling lazy so I just high-tailed back to State College not realizing this meant I couldn't watch the Steelers game at Casebeer's. This also meant no winter coat for me. Forty-five minutes from State College, the funniest thing happened at the gas station. Celery called me to request a ride home, and while rejecting her I set the gas pump to auto fill. It's supposed to stop itself, but didn't, leaving the passenger side of my car caked with petroleum and a puddle of wasted expensive gas on the ground. With no winter jacket, I was force to settle for a winter hat on my head to keep me warm while I spent the rest of the drive with my sunroof down to a Void dying of fumes.

Every time I go home I sing this rendition of a classic....
Country roads,
Take me home
To the place I belong.
Happy valley,
Home of joe-pa.
Take me home
Country roads.

Tis' all for now.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Thanksgiving at Shipra's

2004-11-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

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AN INDIAN-INDIAN THANKSGIVING
After filling myself with an authentic Thanksgiving food at Case's, my family headed to my cousin Shipra's place near the Pittsburgh Airport where I was born for our Thanksgiving gathering of family and family friends. Granted to say this occasion called for a lot of "Indian" food--hehe. It was one of those pot luck events where kids ate traditional Native American "Indian" turkey while the parents eat mostly Asian "Indian" food in a smorgasbord of yumminess.

ELECTRONICS TO THE RESCUE:
Of course being the computer fanatic I whipped out my pockets electronics to keep me amused including my ngage computer game cell phone, my digital camera, a bag of Xbox games, and Super Joy joystick console. The Super Joy is a hack console that has 12000 Nintendo games embedded in one of the controllers. In truth, there are probably only 200 games because they take a game like Track and Field and split it up to each event and call them several games, and then replicate games with their Korean, Japanese, and Chinese versions. Still it's sweet for the price ($30), convenience, and comes with two joysticks and gun for Duck Hunt fun.

My oldest cousin's wife Riju, who is expecting a child, seemed to get the biggest kick out the games, especially the shooting ones. Being the benevolent type, I brought a treasure trove of Xbox games for my cousin Shipra, who told me she was happy with just “Dead or Alive”. It was enough of a challenge to try to beat her sister Kitty who randomly presses buttons and wins.

BOARD GAME FUN:
My cousin Kitty had an extra special Thanksgiving because I finally gave her an anime, "Blue Seed", which Mikeypooh got her for Xmas last year--whoops. The anime was a TV series in Japan so it'd be too long to watch that day. Instead we played board games so more people could be involved in the fun. First, we played the original Therapy games (one of my favorite board games which I own the sequel TherapyII), but with the number of family friends at the party, Cranium was more sensible.

Unfortunately, I left Cranium in the car year round. Now the clay has turned to a rock. Like Humpty Dumpty, the clay couldn't be saved even with the power of water, so we skipped the clay sculpting categories.

It was hilarious watching my little sister try to do charades and listening to all our tone deaf humming of songs. The guys verses girls left the guys winning repeatedly, mostly because we rolled better. I peg Anisha as the most valuable player for the girls team and declare myself the king of the boys.

Men are number 1!!

Happy gobble gobble day to all.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Casebeer Reunion

2004-11-24T10:02:00.000-08:00

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PONG AND PART:
Part of the splendor of my job is knowing they'll let me off early before Thanksgiving after a Ping Pong match. Almost daily at 3pm we play the best of three confined ping pong at work for the world tag team champion belts. If one team wins the first two games, a winner-takes-all bonus battle for the “leather belts” occurs. The champion belt is a bootleg wresting belt, whereas the leather belts only exist in the mind’s eye.

My coworker, anshuaron, and I have dominated mostly due to his prowess, but on this pre-Thanksgiving day game we wanted to treat our 'fans' to something special. This led to our demise. The "special" moment was when anshuaron walloped our boss Jim smack in the face to give him a little bit of the reddish Rudolph look for the holidays.

DEATH OF THE AUTOBON:
The drive to the burgh was near record time if you subtract the 40 minutes of bumper-to-bumper inching traffic to escape Port Mitlida. Damn, that was grueling.

Since there was nothing going on at home in north Pittsburgh, I dialed my best friend Case in Shadyside to find a mini reunion at his parent's house. His sister Teresa, her husband Raj, and their kid were coming up for Thanksgiving from Chicago. I haven't seen Case's sister since before she had her first kid and she is expecting a second one.

To get to Case's family home, I had to forgo the fun twists and turns of my usual exit, and instead go cruising at high speeds down the famed McKnight road. Then travesty hit, and it hit hard. They say things change when you grow old. First you forget names, and then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. This was worse than all that.

The last stretch of McKnight road outward bound from the city is an area we dubbed the autobahn, a pristine a stretch of navigateable road where cops were visible so racing your friend in a multilane road was safer. The MAN destroyed this legacy by adding a new pointless traffic light.

MEETING THE WHITE HALF INDIAN:
Broken hearted from the loss of my autobahn, I met up with Case's family. I finally met his nephew, Adian (not spelt right) and greeted Teresa who is expecting another kid that Case wants to call Kimo, after the Steelers player Kimo von Oelhoffen. I've always wanted to name my kids Violet Case Gupta and Justin Case Gupta, but suggested calling Teresa's kid Mr. Big to continue the Sex in the City theme of naming the first child Adian, which purported is also Indian for fire but my sources say it's Gaelic.

Speaking of Indian, Yes, Case's sister married a 100% Indian named Raj Marvah (no relation to Naveen). Purportedly their love created Adian, pictured above. Is it me or does this boy not look half Indian to you? Still, the kid amused me with his going back to the fridge repeatedly to give everyone pop. What was more peculiar was Teresa said we couldn’t watch Aladdin because it has swords in it. Also, we couldn't say words like "guns" or "sword" because it'd somehow be detrimental to the child's development, crazy huh?

After some delicious ham, shrimp, and pie, Case, his brother who we call Beer and I chewed the fat outside until Beer choose lameness and went home. I did learn Beer has my winter jacket I left last year.

TRADITIONAL THANKSGIVING

Thursday morning sent me to Case's for Thanksgiving first. I just wanted to say hi, but ended up staying for food, delicious, authentic American dinner. It was so damn good, Case's mom is amazing. Before the turkey comatose set in, I bid the Casebeer's adu and hightailed to my rents.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

KT Secret Niagra Bday

2004-11-19T14:41:00.000-08:00

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Dicke the sweetheart wanted to celebrate his girlfriend's 20th bday, and since KT can't drink at the bars in the USA, he planned a lovely trip north of the border to o' Canada. Overall it was pretty kewl except that I didn't get to gamble.

Top 10 Things About The Secret Trip to Canada

1) Niagara on TV==>When we got back to "the states" and flicked on the TVs, lo and behold "The Nanny" was in Niagara. She was trying to sucker her rich boss onto the Maid of the Mists boat ride to seduce him to propose in the engagement capital of the world. Freaky, huh?

2) KT stays with Dicke==>Do you believe in curses? I used to think there was a birthday curse with Dicke. Last time he had a girlfriend she dumped him through email on his birthday. This year he launched a shredded wet napkin wad into his girlfriend's eye at his birthday dinner, but she still stayed with him. Now this weekend her birthday has been celebrated and Dicke remains steadfast. The curse is reversed!! Hang onto this girl Dicke huh!

3) Phil permission slip==>Last time I saw the falls was in June after Pete's pimpin' wedding dance in Buffalo. We decided to visit since we were in the vicinity, but on the car ride to Canada , KT curiously turned to Dicke and asked, "Honey, are you allowed to go to Canada?"

"--Damn!" Dicke exclaimed as he realized that with his security clearance he wasn't allowed to leave the country without informing them; subsequently we viewed the falls from the American side. Come to think about it though, we were in the Canadian waters when we did the Maid of the Mists boat ride. Rebels huh?

4) Animal, Mineral, or Vegetable?==>named after that "Model General" jingle which was brilliantly preformed by Wacko from Animanaics, this quizzical game is a simple twist on twenty questions. One person pictures something in their mind's eye while their mates try to guess with yes-no questions. The first question queries the category, Is it an animal? Is it a vegetable? Mineral? and if the answer is no, your turn is forfeited to the next mate in line....

I apparently picked hard ones, flamingo, bats, and eagles. People get confused by a bird that doesn't fly or a mammal that does; perhaps I am due some fault, apparently, eagles aren't blue, but after America's propaganda genetic core gets to them they will be red-eyed, white-feathered with blue mains, rest assured.

Overall, it's a nifty challenge to teach people not to jump to conclusions. It made a road trip triumphant joy playing with Nicole, Steph and her boyfriend on the way up to o' Canada. The ESPN highlight to me was when Steph chose "Dicke" as the "thing" and the question "Can it be found in Pennsylvania?" arose. The coy reply was, "Yes, well not now because it's in New York". Pretty silly huh?

5) Slip, Slide, Suds, Sauna, and Splashes==>I didn't get to gamble but I did enjoy my other favorite thing to do on vacation, hotel sauna. It was a dry sauna which was meak, but the Jacuzzi was nifty, and get this, they had a SLIDE going into the 4 meter pool! Dave Wyman wins outright for the biggest splash and the daring headfirst, upside-down type shenanigans. --Also the pool was half indoor / half outdoor, but we didn't get to experience the joys of the outdoor portion due to the season. That just means we can go back in summer huh?

6) Hotel Overload --Immediately when we got to the hotel our presence was known to the staff. I had to do some nifty Knight Rider driving to get a parking spot, but it was probably all of us standing outside of the hotel with our stuff that didn't help our cause of sharing a room. The manager didn't buy Dicke's unconvincing ruse that some of us were staying in another hotel. Since the room was oddly shaped, Mr. and Mrs. Dave Wyman got their own room where Nicole and I stayed in exchange for buying them dinner at the Keg. Good deal huh?

7) Shoe buffer -- What fine hotel doesn't have one? Me being on-shoe, I was most happily impressed with the shoe appliance. Thusly, I preceded to use the shoe buffer for its many uses, foot massager, waking Nicole up in the morning, you know the usual. Does that give anybody a hint for what I want for Christmas huh?

8) Behind the falls--Yet again, I didn't see the night lights on the falls, but I did go behind the falls. It's much overrated and pitiful compared to Maid of the Mist rides in the summer, but it did allow me to make some funny videos of Nicole and I dancing by the falls. So if Kodak moments control your life and Hallmark seduces your wallet from you every season, succumb to the allure of Behind The Falls; otherwise try the other joys of the falls like the arcades, wacky museums or haunted houses. With THE BAbbLER around who needs tour agents huh?

9) Arcade--You lika the arcade, yeah I lika the arcade, the arcade iz goooood. You got to love a bar that's incorporated with an arcade where you get the advantage of the exchange rate to play next generation arcade games. I fell in love with a soccer game where you had to kick a ball connected to the machine to simulate your player, and was impressed by the boxing game where I wore gloves and video cameras censored my movements. I also played a lot of kiddy games to get tickets. The first night we claimed our prize of rings for all the girls, while the second night it was kazoo blowers for all! (i miss Playland :( ). I'm so giving huh?

10) Drinking & Dining--We tried to rekindle our love for a mixed frozen drink that we had in spring break in Niagara before, but couldn't remember the name of drinks. Instead, we consumed a group shot of kamikazes compliments of Dicke at this bar that was weaker than my thumb wrestling skills.

Apparently elevator advertising work, because it convinced us to go to Dennys which was priced like a fancy restaurant (never again). The culinary best goes to "The Keg" where I got a delicious mango mixed drink and sword fought Dave Wyman while dining of fine blue rare steak! Dicke's crew was troublemakers, breaking a drink which was promptly replaced by the kewl waitress.

The most amusing dining award goes to Burger King. On the way there I thought we were driving and departing quickly, so I ordered a shrimp salad and just downed the shrimp and saved the salad to apparently rot in the hotel. On the return trip there was a random old guy hitting on KT's friend doing the most outrageous stand up routine and harmonica playing at the Burger King.

--introductions....knock-knock; who's there -you forgot already?
--Your eyes are like Marylyn Monroe, one on each side.
--Your legs are like petals, bicycle pedals
Funny stuff live, huh?

So another fine trip to Canada without meeting my doom!!! Doom, what the hell is that about?

BONUS BLOG: ...years ago I went to the most accurate fortune teller on the beaches of South Carolina. I was amazed that the lady came up with more specific fortunes than generated ones, probably because I challenged her with humor and skepticism. Also, it was kind of cute that she keyed off my persona to the point that she did the reading with comic book analogies for me. I was 16 and everything she predicted has so far come true, including injury's to my friend on that trip, death of my grandfather, getting into the first college I applied, and describing generally, but eerily precisely, my romantic infatuations from high school to college.

She described me as the joker with 5 cups of wine, --3 full, 1 drunk, 1 spilt over and said that my life would be overwhelmed with joys if I learned to focus on full glasses of the future and not the cups that have been drunk or spilt. The most poignant prediction was her prediction that I would meet what she called as my kryptonite, an artist that will have more energy and wit than me. The only 2 things left is my marriage in Vegas and my "DOOM" in Canada. She said it wasn't death, because there's no doom in death, but it was defiantly doom, but wouldn't elaborate further.

Once again, I tempted the fates and survived, huh!

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Food at Cafe Laura

2004-11-18T13:23:00.000-08:00

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~Bonus Thursday Blog~

WHAT IS CAFE LAURA?:
Sexkitten invited me to an elegant Italian dinner she was hosting for her class on campus at Cafe Laura. Originally we were scheduled in October where I could asked her sister Paula why she was being billed as a Spanish model when in fact she is Hawaiian (or if you believe her parents, 100% Italian; Yeah right, "Alu" is not Hawaiian, please girls!!). Unfortunately, that day was overbooked so we got shoved to today. Of course I might have possibly, per chance, with a slip of the mind, forgotten to tell Amy about the postponement-muhahahaha, maybe Amy is right; I am the devil.

DINNER BELL RING RING RING:
Genny originally didn't want to grace us with her presence sighting of her picky taste in food as an exuse (she doesn't like green foods), so I asked Carson to join us. Then Genny reconsidered under pressure from my advocate so we asked our table be resized.

HAPPY BELATED BAbbLER BDAY:
As most people know, nobody has ever successfully surprised me on my birthday, but Amy delivering a belated birthday card with CD of pics and videos today came close. Had it come tomorrow, a full month after my birthday, then it would have been rude, but coming today made me feel like I was getting a bonus birthday dinner. Thanks Amy.

The card was kind of pimp too, and saucy. I didn't believe the hottie nurse in the pic was Amy until close inspection. Was it her devious plan to make me smile with glitter upon first impression, just to curse me later to clean it up ever time I walk by as it sheds in my room? Maybe Amy is a good devil's advocate, she at least looks the tart, I mean looks the part.

THE ART OF FINE DINING:
How does one order when they are the great BAbbLER? First mention you love tiramisu. Then pick an ethnic soup, Italian wedding soup on this festive occasion. Next, mention you love tiramisu, followed by selecting the craziest entree you can't pronounce. In fact, be a pimp and when it arrives offer it to the indecisive girl at the table next to you so she can enjoy the unpronounceable dish too. Finally, fold up the dessert menu so only the word "tiramisu" is visible, and hand that to the smiling waitress. Finally, send the girls to stalk the waitress to give her the tip directly; otherwise the money purportedly goes to the class fund.

REFLEXTION:
I can resist everything except temptation; mmmm tiramisu. The dinner was exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal. The conversation with Brooke, Kate and Carson was lively. We taught Genny how to eat Italian food by curling the noodles on the spoon, and Amy graced us with some of her personal fashion show with the napkin bib look, shown above.

Bon appetite for now, I'll look forward to the day when I can visit Sexkitten after college to see what kind of eats I can engulf wherever she gets a job.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Angus Giving

2004-11-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

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ANGUS GIVING:
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Today I'm glad I did. The escape from the asylum was well worth it for Angus pre-thanksgiving. Thanksgiving always reminds me of that lame joke from grade school...

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! [mayflower-hahahaha]

So it seems there's a tradition for pre-thanksgiving dinner at PSU before everyone goes home for thanksgiving. This year and last, Nicole's friends all got together at Angus' for a potluck. First prize goes to whoever made the funky dessert I had 3 servings of-mmm. If they can not fulfill the duties of the winner, Tia's second place dish will assume the responsibility. Kudos also goes to Monica because she brought the classic pumpkin pie and whip cream. Nicole made butter with some corn for flavor and I bought thanksgiving cups on the way there. The cups were fall festive because there was a shortage of cups at the yuppie Wal-Mart.

PETEY GIVING:
Before Angus took over the realms, Petey self elected himself Prince of Thanksgiving. Though his actions may be far from the Puritan ideal of the people from the Mayflower, his undergrad in Boston must have allowed him to ingest the atmosphere of New England making him a Turkey God (not to be confused with the Turkey bowl serial killer). I will never forget him wrestling the turkey in the bathtub at his place setting up for the first of two thanksgiving with Petey.

CASE GIVING:
Even when I was an undergrad, those many years ago, we followed the pre-thanksgiving tradition. There was this girl in our volleyball class we called "Laughy" who never had yams. Can you believe it? She was a food scientist and hadn't had the most common thanksgiving staple? Case and I took this as incentive to use the free turkey we got from the local grocery store to and have our own pre-thanksgiving dinner at our place in Caulder commons. It was a small group inviting Melissa
and Minka and few vball friends. The four interesting things happened :

1) Everyone was damn impressed with Case's turkey cooked upside-down.
2) Everyone other than me mocked his mash potatoes for being liquidity (which this thanksgiving we learned was whipped potatoes not mashed, but was still weaker than his mom's version).
3) Nobody was injured in matchy-matchy, smashy-smashy, or sock fires**[see below for descriptions].
4) Laughy thanked us for Thanksgiving but we forgot to put out the yams. Laughy, next time you're in the lab trying to make the next best yogurts, try some yams in the recipe; if anything just so you can try them.

LENA GIVING??
Angus is graduating, so whose going to take over next year?....My prediction is Lena, but we'll see.

BONUS BLOG (Pchewy games corner)

**sock fires**--It turns out all socks made or sold in the USA is flame retardant. This means if you're roomie sitting in the living room with his socked feet on the table, you can walk by with your zippo and light it on fire. Keep a few things in mind. This works better if they're wearing shorts or jeans because in theory you could light their pants on fire, but I've never seen that happen. Similarly anything else around could light on fire but that's unlikely too unless you're a fool. Thick socks work the best, especially the standard white Wal-Mart socks. The more fuzzies the better, so new socks or very old socks are like sock fire virgins or prostitutes, and they make the biggest blaze. The fire will light the fuzzies and then extinguish leaving a warm feeling on the foot. An desired effect would be a slightly unpleasant odor in the air. Try it out on yourself if you like, and ask anybody I know like Julia if it works. Enjoy.

**matchy-matchy**--In its essence, this is a simple game to waste time that is only fun as a challenge or amusing if you have a roommate like Heverly who hates indoor fire and has to stomp on it. The idea of the game is easy. Open a pack of matches so the matches are exposed and put them in the center of the table. Each player gets their own match book. In turn, they flick a match at the table hoping to ignite the center pack.

The challenge is the way you flick the match. Don't just light the match and throw it, that's too easy. Take the match and place the tip of the match between your index finger and the black flint part of the match box. Then flick match parallel along the black flint part as though the match was a plane and the flint was the runway. If you do it quickly enough, when you let go of the match, it should ignite and hurl itself off the match box towards the goal. When you hit the match box in the middle the whole thing should ignite in a blaze of triumph. Practice & Enjoy!!

**smashy-smashy**--What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey, or Case after a game of smashy-smashy.

Finally a game for the bold, bored or blitzed. The goal of smash-smash is beautiful in its simplicity. The sole goal is not to break the glass beer bottles as you throw them somewhere. Pick a target and throw turn by turn. Add some simple padding like a pizza box if necessary. This game works best if you have a kitchen type area to throw. It's especially amusing if you play with all of your roommate except one. Then that one can comes home later and step on the glass. You gotta feel for Case, and love smashy-smashy.

To end another joke, hopefully a grade school one you don't know.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?

--Their AGE

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Rucha and Abha's Indian Appetizers

2004-11-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

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FOOOOOOOD!!, THE CHALLANGE:
I dub thee day o yum. For breakfast, coworkers brought bagels, yum. For lunch, I went to Korean Buffet, all you can eat and Dim Sum, double yum. Then when I returned to work Cathy created a holiday weight challenge to encourage everyone not to dig your grave with your own knife and fork, what fun? I pledged seven pounds figuring I wouldn't give up Turkey Day for anyone. I was going to gain at least ten pounds eating Papa Johns over the Steeler's football season, so if I can keep up with those traditions and still loose weight, a miracle be done.

TEMPTATION:
To immediately challenge the weight challenge was RuchaCat's invitation for an Indian appetizer party. Her motivation was to prove to her rents she could accomplish the culinary feat, anybody surprised? RuchaCat is the same girl who spent years being a vegetarian just to prove she could do it; meanwhile, I have repeatedly proven I am addicted to nothing except dirotoes which I've consumed fortnightly since I was twelve.

COMMENTS ON INDIAN CUISINE:
I'm far from a fanatic connoisseur of Indian food. I would choose pirogues over "porontas" any day of the week, but found it in my heart to accept the free food. When I was young, the ethnic food would prompt me to curl around the drain under the bathroom sink hiding in the darkness where I couldn't be found. The special smells in this hiding place were exponentially more pleasant than those comings out of the kitchen. If you think bar smoke saturates fabrics, try bathing in the potpourri of an Indian kitchen. To me, it's like fish. I like the taste but hate the smell, which is odd because taste and smell are physiological closely connected.

Nowadays most Indian foods are too sweet that I nickname the snacks "gelatinous diabetes" or "liquid hypertension". Given the general aversion, it is surprising to most that there are any foods Indian foods I enjoy, "naaan bread", "spicy chicken curry", "cheese puneer", almond mango shakes, and "kulfee" (all of which taste better than they sound or look, and 10 times better than I can spell).

INDIAN FOOD FACEOFF
For these rare treats, Amit's mom is with little competition the best Indian cook I know. She puts restaurants to shame, but among the ranks of the youth is a glimmer of competition. Abha's mouth-watering spinach "pikordas" where so sensational I had to pause and swallow to slow my salivating imagination. In no exaggeration, she instantly soar to my fav foods list. But that doesn't give her the right to yell at MattyMat and I for trying to take more than our share. -Abha's going to make one ruthless mommy.

In her stylish clothes RuchaCat contributed to the menu most valiantly with some yummy appetizers and desserts too. To her I say "wonderfulrific" and hope she gets the allusion to the inside joke. Both girls provided a bonus to the food and fun by serving sparkling drinks to enhance the atmosphere.

REACTIONS FROM THE CROWD:
Hard work paid off and from what I gathered almost everyone enjoyed the treats. All this arduous effort didn't help poor Vivian the vegan though. Her beliefs kept her from eating much so she was left to deep throat the cool whip to our amusement.

At first it was funny seeing Alice. I was forced to answer Alice’s call looking for directions with clueless answers of 'I'm not sure what apartment this is and people are busy', leaving me outside to be play a lame duck version of Marco Polo until we triangulate each other’s position by the yellow dumpster outside. The whole evening Alice seemed pleasant enough, but if this day was a movie, she would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Small Asian Girl." Sometimes that girl needs to go crazy in front of other people so I’m not the only one that says “I told you so” when she goes on a murderous rampage.

CAN ANYONE MAKE A DESCION PLEASE?
After our minds gained control of our bellies to prevent further indulging, we numbed out minds with VH1 highlights until we finally made a decision of indecision. We'll go to the hookah lounge. We’ll try it out and leave if we don't like it. We dashed to my car in the rain where the Indians and non-Indians separated until I almost nailed the other person's car with my lazy cock-eyed parking to the Hookah Lounge. After a playful adventure to the Mac machine with Abha's little sister, we finagled a group discount to the Goth DJ night at the hookah lounge.

GOTH HOOKAH FUN:
I only recognized a few songs and was mildly amused by the others who watched with some wonder at the industrial way of dancing. In the attempt to blow smoke hole, I got my first hookah buzz which caused me to apologize to RuchaCat who I always teased for getting lit by smoking tobacco filtered though water.

Man, it's hard to admit I was wrong, especially to RuchaCat cuz we have that competitive, argumentative, to the point of irrational, type relationship. Still as the night went on we heard several songs. I was yelled at for moving the couch which is apparently taboo. Eventually, we lost the flame to the candle and over the mild conversations, I realized something. I WON because RuchaCat fell asleep on the chair. It was amazing to see.

YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE:
Granted RuchaCat probably didn't know there was any "staying awake" challenge because she probably had no clue how odd it was for me to see her asleep. For as long as I can remember I've always been the hyperactive one in the group. It was always me who could outlive anyone if they were interesting things to do. As a child, I'd sneak downstairs after bed time and watch prime time tv without being sleepy until the late show was on and I'd fall asleep to be picked up and put in bed by my dad. RuchaCat was the first person I met who could repeatedly stay up longer than me her freshman year and it was mind-boggling.

EXCUSES:
I'd blame her soothing back massages, or joke that her company was so lame it was sleep induced, but it was probably the opposite. She was fun to argue with, creative and playful, and exhausted me. I thought myself defeated until spring break. Mono e mono the challenge was on and I destroyed her!! In retrospect, it turns out she always had cat naps during the daytime to help her. When we had days upon days of simultaneous activities during spring break, I effortlessly outlasted her and finally saw her sleep just like I did today.

I think it was Voltaire that said man often forget how beautiful women sing. Along those lines I say man often forget the beauty of a sleeping girl, the sacred lullaby of her breathing, the visual splendor of the picture of peacefulness, and the promise of the hope she dreams. Maybe that's why my favorite artist piece of RuchaCat's that hangs under my foldout bed is of a person sleeping under the vibrant sun, (then again, it could be because the person looks like a turkey too).

Since I somehow ended on a more philosophical note, here's a bonus lesson in Pchewyism. It comes from a snippet of conversation with Vidhi I had today that has been cleaned up a bit:

A LESSON IN PCHEWYISM....
In this scene, psubabbler says something, and then insults with a more brutal version of the truth which Vidhi commends as honesty...

Vidhi: finally a grain of truth
psubabbler: truth doesn't come in grains...it is either all there or a perversion or illusion
Vidhi: HAAHHAA.. Perversion.. and illusion
Vidhi: as if they were 2 separate things
Vidhi: beautiful
psubabbler: According to pchewyism: a prevision is when someone changes the truth to deceive you, whereas an illusion is when you listen wrong, make excuse, or change what you hear to lie to yourself and form an illusion
Vidhi: hahahaah
Vidhi: so an illusion is a perversion u do with yrself

Now it wasn't like RuchaCat was snoring in the Hookha lounge. Was she eye-closed relaxing, or was she awake? Was my whole victory just an perversion? Even if I won, after the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box, simillarly in life all men end up in the same box...a casket.
Oh well, sweet dreams Kryptonite.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Anthony's Cook in

2004-11-11T13:42:00.000-08:00

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ANTHONY'S COOKOUT:
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. Without the Great AussieMike to create the gourmet meals, Anthony decided to step up and invited a few people over for some good eats. Graciously, I decided to accept the invitation and dine. Not only did Anthony pick the prefect food, but he had the perfect helpers, a bunch of women folk doing the dirty work. Poor Nicole had to study, dine, and dash, but hey, she got a free meal.

If you check out the pictures they're amusing. Anthony put Lauren's hair on Zach and made him look like an eighties rocker with a groupie. Kate and Brooke felt obliged to steal the camera to take a self portrait. You have an oddly amusing picture of Genny downing a spaghetti strand, and a couple of pictures of Amy which make you think she's doing a strip tease but is in fact trying to kick me. I was too busy weighting myself down to take too many pics.

Overall I think Anthony would have made AussieMike proud. We miss you mate and can't wait til we can use your digs in aussieworld.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Kim's Birthday Bowling Nov 04

2004-11-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

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Kim Birthday

TODAY'S BROADCAST: A LIFETIME OF BOWLING….the neglected sport.

Bowling parties aren't just for 5 year olds; it's for Kim's birthday too!!

PROGRAM TEASER: Do you remember your first bowling party? Flashback to that iniTial dash in a mad rush to find your favorite green-blue colored ball that wouldn’t cripple your twig sized fingers. Then remember mocking your friends who were too slow and inept and had to settle for the dusty brown one named Fred with the cockeyed holes. WHAT LOOSERS, right?

SHOW BEGINS: What I liked the best about the infant age of bowling was the inhibition and the mass experimentation. How slow can you roll the ball without guttering? Who can maximize curve like the pros? Between the legs backward for a laugh anyone? The silly games we play...
BEGIN FLASHBACK:
Kid Bowler 1: I bet you can’t ricochet the ball off both bumper lanes.
Kid Bowler 2: Okay, there. Damn. Yeah well, I double dare you to throw two balls at once!
Kid Bowler 3: I'll do it...STRIKE!...Now, I double dog dare to you to use that ball cleaning machine. If you mess it up, it will steal your hair right out of your scalp. Then it shines your head like Mr. Clean, and then you'll become a freakish serial killer that strikes on Friday the 13ths who cleaves the heads of bowlers who bowl three strikes in a row and replaces their heads with turkey’s tops like a new Hindu God.
Kid Bowler 4: mmmm Turkey aggggg.
END FLASHBACK:

…But soon enough, with age comes the wisdom to deceive. Leaving you as the mentor, you must coach the young gunners on how to play:

THE BAbbLER (age 11): “You never bowled before, awe it’s easy. Line up with the center pin, pull back your dominate hand, and glide forward. Finally, release the ball close to the ground and don’t forget to follow through. Make sure you don’t knock all of them down, or they cheat you out of your second ball! Finally, glance at the score and see what you got. Nobody really knows how its calculated, but see if you can beat me--muhahahaha”

Gradually the game morphs into completion, boys verse girls, you verse your best friend, and more elite goals like breaking 100, 150, 200, or bowling the triumphant turkey (3 strikes in a roll) and surviving the Hindu serial killer. Personally, I never bowled a turkey out of fear. I did once barely beat 150 in miracle game in completion with this girl Kelly (who ended up wining the best of three match, but we all know she was juicing).

Still, the essence of the game was unfettered; it’s simply an excuse to waste time with your comrades. Do you remember the tireless thrills of all night glow-in-the-dark bowling? Even if you still sucked like me, you could always shoot for the automatically definitive victory, bowling an exact 69. LOL, we were a always a mature bunch.

COMERICAL BREAK 1: For some reason I was told I had to add the story of my first kiss to this tale o’ bowling because it happened on the way back from all-night bowling; Personally, I think I’ve already gone on enough tangents so let's do this quick.

Pimpin Pchewy: Omigod, please tell me you don’t have the Little Mermaid tape in this collection.
Girl: Oh, I’ll take that to mean you want to hear it. Gee, I never fingered you as a closet fan. Is there something else I don't know about you? Are you Gay?
Pimpin Pchewy: Oh you’ll pay, (**tickle tickle.**)
Girl: (**giggle giggle**)
Background: [Suddenly, that song with the chorus “kiss the girl” plays. In the age where they try to blame rap for getting kids to kill each other, Marylyn Manson for getting kids to kill themselves, few ever talk about how Disney leads to sexual activity. The music made me do it, my first open mouth kiss.

ANOUNCER: Now back to the regular scheduled program, a time progression of the lifetime of bowling, the neglected sport.

Eventually the adolescent era wanes as your friends covet their driver's licenses. That gained freedom transforms the bowling adventure to a random ~I can’t think of anything else to do~ occasion. You take the game for granted, and before you know it, the EVIL that manifests as "Bed Bath and Beyond" comes by and levels your childhood bowling alley to sell over-commercialized trendy bath merchandize to all the yuppies in the tri-county area.

COMERICAL BREAK 2: I had a dream I threw a bowling ball down toilet ball alley in that store in protest. All the husbands joined me to lead a glorious revolt until Bed Bath and Beyond announced a super-super-beyond sale and the excited women dragged their husbands away only to leave this scary butch woman manager to come up to me saying "Okay Trouble maker, now you get to find where the "beyond" in bed bath and beyond is! Take em’ away boys".

She ordered two large men to throw a toilet bowl plunger onto my running-the-other-way arse, tugged me to the ground, and dragging me into the darkness somewhere screaming, "Help me, anybody, please. I just wanted to bowl again, is that asking so much? Okay I'll pretend I like bath ware. Just let me go. Damn you, Damn you all...Hindu Turkey Serial Killer, avenge my disappearance!!"

SHOWS CLOSING REFLECTING COMMENTS:

Pchewy: "Too bad I'm going to Canada for KT's secret bday party or I'd be able to go drinking with Kim on Friday. She promised me a rain check which I most defiantly will cash, because without Kim I would have forgot bowling. "

Bowling will never be power sport like football or volleyball, or even a special sport like Mini-golf or board games, but the aroma of the bowling alley will always recall good memories that remind one of all we often take for granted. Cheers to all the moments in life that never get the lime light.

That’s all for now…
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Celery's 21 Birthday Groove

2004-11-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY Celery!!: Our good friend Celery (a.k.a. Anuja don't be a G-hater) finally turned 21.

MIDNIGHT: ~She actually looked like a girl~
Her gal pals cornered her, dressed her up like a classy hooch that'd screw anything with a penis and a pulse, and paraded her to Player's Nite Club. There, Celery got both her bifday-drunk-groove on and her sick-dance-groove on to the delight of the spectators. She finished the night by taking Money-Shot Mandy home, who was later quoted saying "She gave me an infection!!" and complained that Celery was like a typical guy, not even remembering her existence the next day, leaving Money-Shot Mandy to do the dreaded walk of shame. Go Celery!! How proud are we!

DINNER: ~Man I look like a bad ass mofo in the black light!!~.
I met up with Celery during the birthday night where she gathered her friends to have a birthday dinner of Indian cuisine (and some pokey sticks for her grossed out roomie) at a friend's place located at ??? --well let's just say Celery kept changing the room number of the place but I made it there eventually.

It kind of felt like it was Vivian's birthday party because we were told we were not allowed to eat until she arrived. In retrospect we probably didn't need 5 cakes. We only finished the one, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to present the half Steelers / half Eagles cake that was leftover from food Friday [PS: STEELERS DESTOYED THE EAGLES WHO WERE UNDEFEATED THIS WEEKEND].

Recap: It was a fun atmosphere of cake smearing, me looking like a bad ass in the black light bouncing to tunes, and a lone group shot of some liquid poison. I gave Celery 21 random things from my room. My favorite gift was someone who gave Celery the green jacket which she wore savagely, unlike the sick victory secret bikini I got her previously that she lacked the confidence to wear. Sorry RuchaCat, you are not 21 yet, so we ditched the yougins and went a drinkin'....

DRINKING: ~it hurts when you can't get into bars and you ARE 21~
We christened the night with a trip to Sports Café so Celery could get her hands blackened with the X that marks a birthday celebration. We ended the night with large margaritas from Mad Max. Then we headed home early because Celery's friends are WEAK, whining about the havoc last night's partying placed on their tiny puny souls. Of course the Evil One was there, but being the great person I am, I put up with her for my dear sweet Celery.

The highlight of amusement came when the owner of the Big Easy, Tony, preemptively rejected Celery because he didn't want to deal with the 21 year old birthday binge drinking liability. The best part was we were just walking by and weren't even trying to get in. Also a moment before Celery was rejected by The Gaf for the same reason. Luckily our read destination, Mad Max, had no cover let us in the end the birthday bonanza with some margaritas.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Celery!!!!

FLASHBACK FOGGED
So this weekend's flashback should probably go back to my 21st birthday but nobody knows what happened that day. It's only day in my life I have no recollection of, wonder what happened...?

FREE FOOD
Since the flashback to my 21st was fogged, I'll blog about an amazing random act of kindness. It was my turn to bring in food so Nicole and I went to Giant in search of a treat. I saw an Eagles cake and a Steelers cake. I thought it'd be fitting to get that along with a few personal things. In line I tried to pull out my credit card but had previously taken off the security sticker so it stuck to my other cards leading me to complain, "I hate when this happens."

A middle-aged gentleman took it upon himself to joke, "That just means you're tight with your money, then there's people like me. I just spend $230 last weekend for my undergrads. What you have there I wouldn't even notice on my credit card." I smiled at the joke and then he continued, "In fact, why don't you let me pay for that?"

I explained that I couldn't take his money and that I was bringing the food to my office but he wouldn't accept that. When my turn arrived, he reached over to the checker and handed him his credit card and said, "Don't let this man pay for you."

Neat huh?

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Monica's Election Day Birthday

2004-11-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

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RATHER BE DEAD THEN DATE RED:
I woke up early today to make it to the polls. Nicole's dad is a big Republican fan marking tiny elephants in the bottom of letters, so in the prior weeks I relentless gave her arguments to vote for Kerry. It's not that I really care who you vote for, but I think you should be informed, and being the devil, I always have to play the advocate of the other opinion. In the end I think Nicole became disenfranchised and didn't send in her absentee.

Meanwhile, I woke up two hours early today to get in line. I had to walk all the way across the block to the church that was my polling place. After I spent 39 minutes in line in front of an amusing yuppie couple whose conversation I eased dropped on, I got acquainted with the fun punch card process. If elections were like bowling, my candidate would win because my voting number was 69! (If you're wondering I lean more towards the conservative fiscal republicans but follow the democrats on most social issues. I'm a register Green Party member because chicks dig it, and I voted for Kerry in the hopes of creating a stalemate in Washington. I figured if there were two separate parties fighting for power; it'd lead to more compromise.)

BALLOON ANIMALS:
One of my favorite gifts was a book on how to make balloon animals. It came in handy millions of time and is a great deal of fun. If you're looking for a cheap, fun hobby I'd suggest it; it's insanely simple as long as you're not insane like Nicole. Nicole won't blow up a balloon because she has this irrational fear that it will blow up and a piece will fling down her throat and suffocate her or poke out her eyes. Even for the insane like her, they have a cheap balloon pump. Before you knew it I quickly made a snoopy balloon for Monica's 22nd birthday.

MEET ME AT THE CORNER:
With green snoopy balloon in handed, we made the quick drive to the Corner Room. I've never been a big fan of the Corner Room, but it had its place in my college memories. It's a nice alternative to the waffle shop if you don't want to drive to Eat N Park and the line in Irvings is daunting. The Corner Room's all-you-can-eat pasta night Wednesdays in college was a god send.

ZENOS:
After the dinner, we headed Zenos because it was nearby so Monica could get a birthday drink. We flicked on the TV to watch CNN and hear the liberal oriented bar cheer whenever they could as most of the east cost turned blue but the rest turn red. We did get to see PA turn blue, and after our drinks headed home.

Happy Election Day birthday Monica

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Halloween 04 Best Holliday Ever!

2004-10-31T20:37:00.000-08:00

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The greatest holiday in State College is Halloween. The best way to experience it is simply viewing the 313 pictures linked above, but I'll do a drive by of some of the highlights.

For this festive weekend, Lena visited in her naughty nurse costume, though her comrade, Amy, ditched town with her nasty nurse costume. I'd like to thank Lena for entertaining me before Nicole's party by parading around in various costumes from my bag of leftover costumes, for keeping me amused the whole weekend by crashing at my place, and for babysitting Nicole with porn when she didn't want to go out Saturday night.

On Friday, Nicole asked me to run tunes at her party which meant "Cotton-eyed Joe" was played as my signature song. Unfortunately most of the Halloween songs I got for the occasion didn't copy correctly, but nothing would keep the guests from couch dancing while looking at the kewl decorations Nicole jacked from her rents and drinking the great punch spiked with dry ice to make it bubble and steam. The night ended with Tia doing some mad funny theatrical dancing. She's always good for a hearty laugh.

COSTUME PRIZES:
Lots of people did reprises of pervious years. MattyMat putting Jell-O in his hair in his Calvin and Hobbes costume gives him the craziest redo prize. Kim gets the most improved ribbon for her sexy cow gal outfit.

Julia's boyfriend, Mike, wins the prized trophy as the best character with his impersonation of Bill Clinton. I especially liked it when I found a stuffed crab and put it down his pants to give Slick Willy an STD.

The messiest costume award was no contest, Kate, with her Mardi Gras girl persona. Her drunkenness made her spill, her outfit shed feathers everywhere, and some accused her ass of taking out the speakers.

The most deceptive get up goes to volleyball Mike who had guys checking him out when he walked into the party dressed in drag.

Nicole was awesome vampire host with her blinking bling cross necklace to locate her, but I fear she played too much the host and didn't take enough time to just let go and go wild.

You can't get wackier then Dicke's daring dinosaur with a condom on the tail.

The throwback award was a tie between the Tron boys and the Mario Brothers.

Overall, the best costume goes to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory guy who blew a whistle and another person dressed as an Umpalumpa came in awaiting commands. If he can't fulfils the duties of the winner, the second prize will move up. Bret in a kid's ninja costume takes that honor.

Meanwhile if you wonder what I was, technically I was Amy even though she wasn't around to see it. Amy thinks I'm the devil and has appointed herself as my advocate so I went out as "The Devil's Advocate" fully equipped with the a devil puppet and business cards offering to buy people's souls.

The only costume I've ever done that was close as fun as being Amy was when I took a toddler's kangaroo costume, added two sets of sock em' punching gloves and went as the boxing kangaroo from Looney Tunes fighting my friends.

My fully function giant devil puppet that I named "Melof" was the hit of the party with his dancing and insults. Some accused him of stealing his bit from Triumph the Insult Comic dog from Conan, and Melof's response was, "What? Triumph, he is a very funny dog but he is only 10 years old. I'm two thousand years old!!"

I hate when I stop abruptly...

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Brooke's Mexican Bday

2004-10-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

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"Stitched with love from Sarah"
Once upon a magic kingdom, Sarah Goddess was gracious enough to hone her thespian theater skills to hand stitch an Ingio Monyoa costume for Halloween. Per my request, the goddess embroidered "Stitched with love from Sarah" on the inside pocket. Since that famed weekend of fencing, the costume reemerged with alterations to form a peasant look for Maria. This was later corrupted by Jackie and Elise to form a porno peasant look for their quest to create 18 sexxy pictures for James' is now legal 18th birthday. Like a phoenix rising from its ashes, the costume was reincarnated from my pile of used Halloween clothes again to create a Mexican costume for Brooke's Mexican themed party.

MEXICAN THEME?:
Though I ended up being the only person dressed up, there were several sombreros for people to wear, a tacos buffet, liquor-laced watermelon, and lots of alcohol to make everyone feel like festive Mexicans.

BIRTHDAY SHOTS:
Now I don't want to say Brooke drank a lot, but if someone took a sample of her urine, I think they'd find a lime in it. True to the theme, Brooke took my suggestion to take a tequila shot chased with a lime which I video taped on my digital camera.

"But wait, you didn't take a body shot!" Okay, Brooke agreed and downed another shot, this time taking it off of Anthony.

"Good job but you forgot to kiss him at the end silly!" Not to call upon the wrath of the Aztec god Coatlicue, Brooke chased the third shot within two and half minutes with a kiss and sealed her birthday fate.

CIRCLE OF DEATH: "Shit doesn't rhyme with log"
Now that the Bday girl was buzzing, we got into a group on the ground and played a card game entitled "Circle of Death". Our variation of the rules goes as follows:

First spread all the cards face down around a container (in our case it was a Kool-Aid powder can) so the cards overlap and form a circle. Everyone takes their turn, followed by the next person in the circle going counter-clockwise. On their turn, each person draws a card from the circle, does the necessary action described below, and then puts the card on the container with two corners hanging off the edge. If the player breaks the circle they must drink; also they must drink for each card that falls (if any) when they put their selected card on the container.

The Card Actions are as follows:
2-8 black->Drink, you drink the respective number of sips drawn, example a black 4 means four seconds of sipping
2-8 red->Distribute, shell out that number of sips to one or more player(s)
9->Sentences, The person who draws a nine must says a word. Each person afterward has to repeat the words said previously and add their own word to create a partial sentence until someone misspeaks.
10->Categories, example "types of vodka", then everyone has to name something unused that goes into the category until someone fails
Jack->Never have I ever, example "never have I ever kissed a girl" then everyone who has ever kissed a girl drinks. In the abridged version the drawer of the card comes up with one, whereas, in the extended version everyone takes turns in a circle to come up with one.
Queen->Questions, the drawer of the card must look at a person and ask them a question. That person must respond with a unused question posed to someone else until someone messes up
King->Ruler, drawer of this card negates any previous rules and can make a new rule (any limitations to rules should be stipulated before game play)
Ace->Social, everyone drinks

BE WARRY OF THE KING:
Of course, circle-of-death the game started out light with most people trying to make sure the bday girl had enough to drink. 30 seconds later, that goal was achieved and Kate and Brooke did the Mexican Hat dance in honor of Brooke being plastered. Soon Brooke reached "passed out" like status, but we have to give the girl lots of props; she amazed us all when we were on sentences, she rose from her grave to repeat the sentence and add a word properly.

Eventually the game escalated with the rules after the first King was drawn. The first painful rule was all girls drink when a red card is pulled. That got escalated to girls loose an article of clothing, which wasn't too bad when socks were coming off. Eventually it led to Amy in a bra hugging me for protection and Kate holding her bra unhooked in front of her chest. Since they were troopers, and some may say we put some cards back into play when the pile was knocked over, I thought it was appropriate to be a benevolent king and made the rule that girls had switch clothing with a guy which was a little easier when I picked the king.

WHERE DID BROOKE GO?:
For Brooke, the alcohol was so good it came back for an encore, by way of her stomach into the toilet. In the end, the infomercial marvel KABOOM was around to clean up. During the hours Brooke was hugging the John people were forced to pee off the balcony until Lauren, the neighbor, came by and we used her bathroom.

I WIN!?!:
During their shift of baby sitting Birthday Brooke who was praying to the Porcelain Mexican God, Amy and Anthony played "I win you loose". Basically this curtails two people declaring victory over the other until one messes up or busts up laughing. Even though Anthony had the best comment of "I've taken a blind taste test and 9 out of 10 people say you loose", Amy won in the video clip I made. I might also be voting for her just to give her mad props for being able to clean up the spilt salsa in the living room earlier so Anthony wouldn't notice. Of course I busted out laughing and gave up the ruse.

RECOVERY:
By the time Brooke rose again, a lot of people were gone, blitzed before midnight. We had some cake, opened her presents, but didn't eat the tiramisu that Amy made [damn, i love tiramisu!!]. I re-gifted a yellow Wal-Mart balloon my coworkers got me and printed out my famed birthday report which includes, what signs are you, what does your name mean, what happened on your birthday type info. Also I gave her a pimpin' Picardi key chain.

Happy Bday Brooke, and remember, all kewl people are born in October.
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Homecoming 04

2004-10-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

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HOMECOMING PARADE
Homecoming 04' once again swept by in a glaze of candy throwing, silly floats, and bands. The famed Hooter's and Players float didn't seem to show up and the random band playing for the local radio station was of no merit. Of course, we all know it's the Shiner's mini cars and the flaming jugglers that make the show. Also it's fun to cheer on your friends; Jerker the gymnast waved to me, I'm so special.

Munching on some pizza, we were on the corner of College Ave and Gartner for a while with Nicole's friends. Then we moved to meet up with Brooke, Ralf, and Kate by the Pollock Library for the most amazing spot, probably because of the frigid temperature which limited the spectators. Okay, maybe the view wasn’t as good as the year when Minka and I taught Jill how to climb a tree, and then left her up there to meet up with some friends. Jill was afraid to come down-lol. This spot was prime for getting things with little competition and the ego of Ralf to get attention. Soon the begging for stuff ended and we joined the parade behind the Blue Band until we broke free and went back home. Not to negative, but I think the parade this year was weak.

HOMECOMING BAR
After the parade the bars becomes one friend. Luckily it wasn't too crowded and our choice of Mad Mex turned out to be a good one because I ran into Lisa, Sexkitten, her bf Jeremy, Kim while chilling with Nicole's friends. I wasn't in the mood to drink, but if I'd have known the fun of the margaritas maybe I should. Above is a picture of my bar buddy Kim who got lit that night on just two. I probably should have stayed with her when Nicole wanting to go home early. Instead I went to walk Nicole home and noticed the line back in to Mad Mex was insane so I didn't even bother going back there.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Tia's Seoul Garden Bday

2004-10-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

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HAPPY BDAY TIA

Along with my mom’s fake birthday, today was Nicole's roommate, Tia’s, 22nd birthday. We went to my favorite restaurant in State College, Seoul Garden. In my years here, they've gone through three chefs and several variations of the menu, but still it's the house of “pork bugulki”, “be-bop-bim” and many other fun dishes I can't pronounce. I love that they give you free plate of several appetizers for the table, including “Kimchi”, with your meal. For the price, it’s so worth it. I’d pay triple.

Top 10 Reason Why This Was A Good Seoul Garden Adventure:

1) It is Seoul Garden silly; every time is a good time!
2) Nicole could order something she likes. Though I haven't found a menu item I don't like, we often went on Fridays when Nicole couldn't eat "meat" due to her strange orthodox beliefs, and she's not the biggest fan of fish, so this was a good day to go.

3) Small number of people so we weren't shoved upstairs to fend for water or wait too long.
4) I didn't have to go to the bathroom. For all its glories, and believe me its worth it, this great restaurant has the shadiest bathroom.

5) Dica wasn't here so it didn't rain. Also, since it didn't rain we didn't have a repeat of when the power went off and we had to eat by candlelight. That was fun, but the first two dishes I requested couldn't be made.
6) Case wasn't around to mooch off my food.

7) There was something new on the menu, a fish, and it was delish!
8) Nobody ordered a strange meal and was frightened by the fried egg on top. Wonder who that could be?

9) Unlike previous trips, Tia didn't go to other tables to try their leftovers to see what she wants.
10) It is Seoul Garden silly; every time is a good time!

Happy bday Tia
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Rucha's Patterson Gallery Opening

2004-10-14T16:53:00.000-07:00

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"Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thing in art: the thing you cannot explain." -Georges Braque

To confuse myself in art is a strange passion to me. When I get to meet an artist who will discuss their art, I'm in heaven. To me, good art is an expression of raw emotion, and great art is something that draws you to interact with it repeatedly.

Generally, I start with my reaction to the art and then try to guess what the artist was thinking, and continue on from there. My favorite artist is Wassily Kandinsky because it has this geometric "science seduces art" feel to it that reminds me of what I wish my soul looks like.

I have two pet peeves with art that moved me away from the business. First I hate pieces of art entitled "untitled". If I ever win the lottery, I'd open a gallery where an artist can't have a piece called untitled. In fact, if we ever find an artist showing a piece called "untitled" in another gallery, we'll hold the right to take down their piece and return it for 80% of the cost. NO, I'm not the obsessive easily irked type person so shut up!

My second problem with art is "the story". My art mentor told me to sell the story of the artist with a piece of art and you can make it worth much more. Then we did an auction for breast cancer and I told all these apparently persuasive stories. People were buying what I thought was crap just because it was a good story.

I wouldn't have been so bothered except a lot of the time I could tell people didn't really like a piece until I conned them into it with my true but bs emotionally stories. When the mentor said I had more of a knack than my friends, some of which were real artists, I knew if I didn't get out of the business I'd turn away from art forever.

ANYwho, today was a treat because I had the opportunity to go to RuchaCat's Patterson Gallery opening. Only when I got there, for one windless instant there was nobody but me. I felt like my friend, Neesha, who was told the fireworks on the 4th of July were for her birthday. RuchaCat's selection of pieces were colorful, and gave me that Fourth-of-July feeling of all the vibrant colors of her art around me. For a little while, my sure, slow heart took it all in, and I felt like Neesha, and all that beauty surrounding was just for me....Eventually, MattyMat came and we goofed around until RuchaCat showed. Abha made the most tremendous Indian treat called a spinach picorda. I'm not usually an Indian food fan, but this was good stuff.

I made everyone stand next to their favorite picture hoping there would be a best of the best, but finished with a two-way tie. One of RuchaCat's pieces was velcroed such that you could take off the pieces like a puzzle and try to reassemble them. When we took them off I was inspired and turned them into a person on the ground as seen above. Look I'm an artist too! Then we all got together to reconstruct the piece, which was a lot harder headache than it looks.

The door to an art room next door was left open begging us to investigate and goof around with. I made a skirt out of paper and put it on this doll and then stuck it next to this headless bird creature. What was really funny is that I came back the next day and found the skirt doll moved to the front of the room which meant that it was used as a piece that a class had to draw. I'm such a great artist people are copying my work!

Well if you get a chance, checkout RuchaCat's art, the ashes of her youth, and if you're rich, make the starving artist and offer and you can have an original.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

BAbbLER's Birthday

2004-10-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

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If things get better with age, then I'm approaching Magnificent. My favorite all time Steeler was Rod Woodson. Today I'm wore his jersey which is my age, 21 with a couple years of experience.

This year my birthday was on a Tuesday. I got the standard barrage of birthday emails, IMs, phone calls I didn't answer and such. Some think me rude, but my idea of fun on my birthday isn't talking on the phone, I'm a kinetic person. For the first time I worked on my birthday because my coworkers treated me to back yard burgers.

Nicole said she had crap to do so she ditched me, but when I came back she decorated my entire room with balloons and streamers. Using technology I stitched pictures of my room to make a huge flattened pic that you should check out. Granted one of the streamers came down in the middle of the night and spilt a cup of freezing water on the bed, but the thought was appreciated.

Following the recent tradition, I went to BK's for my birthday night. I was told to wait in the parking lot for Amy to drive to BK's. She arrived quickly but we played a joke on the others making them think she didn't show and I was looking for her and then ditching her. Mid-drive, my impetuous side took over and sent me to Wal-Mart where I bought a pumpkin.

At BK's Amy and I gutted and carved the pumpkin into a pirate (though most of the credit should go to Amy). I did go a little overboard and used a crowbar to lift the top and then randomly told someone to light the pumpkin on fire and spray OFF bug spray. It was bad ass. Amy found the "natural clitoris" I mean "natural citrus" Listerine in the bathroom along with porn magazines.

Rhetta made me a birthday omelet and surprisingly I didn't have a heart attack which should have been my wish. Instead my birthday wish was that I would die. Oh wait now that I've told you it can never come true--muhahahha. How do you think I became the Devil?

and remember, all kewl people are born in October.

Thanks to all that made my bday special.
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

My Older Sister Shenu's Wedding

2004-10-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

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My birthday weekend is again thwarted by my family. Last year it was Arun's engagement, this year it's my sister's lesbian wedding. The ceremony was quick combination of Indian and American traditions with both types of garments all done in English.

In the hotel I put Nicole to work ironing while I played hosts to the guest that entered the hotel. Before the actual ceremony, I was tasked with making fire (maybe I am the devil) using some red streamers, a computer fan and light because real flames were not allowed. My little sister, Molly, got to be the ring bearer and I got to look pimp in my new suit instead of a tux walking down the wedding parade.

After the ceremony, I was the hit of the night with my crazy impromptu comical wedding speech to contrast my little sister's serious one. Nicole ended up with the ring boxes after Molly didn't need them in the ceremony, so at the dinner table I asked Nicole if it would be funny if I fake proposed to her.

I started with my speech thanking everyone including "the accident", I mean "surprise" that was Molly. Then I went into jokes about what my other cousins would say if they were telling the speech. My eldest cousin, Anoop, would ask my sister’s fiancé "Katie, before you join our family you have to tell us who's the greatest football team ever?" Katie happily replied correctly, "Steelers!!".

Then I said Anoop's little brother Arun would tell a funny joke because he's the comedian in the family. Here's my try. 'Well it was odd telling my coworkers and friends why I wasn't going to be around this weekend. I was going to a wedding but it’s weird.' "What's weird about it?" people would ask. 'Well it’s not a normal ceremony; there's something odd about the couple'.

"What?" their curiosity would query. 'Well my sister is marrying this girl Katie.' "A lesbian wedding?" 'Yeah, but that's not the weird part.' "Is it Katie?" 'No,' I'd respond, "She's great. She's a computer person and the warmest person you'd ever want for your sister." Frustrated by this point, they'd insist 'Well what is it? Tell us!' Finally, I'd whisper a confession to them, 'My sister's a “LAWYER”' (dun-dah ching).

Next I busted out my fake proposal going down on one knee, opening the box, and then saying "whoops it's empty." Of course I had to switch to sentimental. 'My cousin Kitty is the sentimental one. She'd say they're in a poetic love, and since it’s a lesbian love, it'd be a rainbow love. They say at every rainbow's end is every wish you'd want to make, and I wish you too would be happy forever.'

The DJ and crowd loved it so much they asked me back to do the toast and I pulled out my classic one I wrote with this girl Kelly for a play we did stealing from various other toasts. "Here's to the young, the beautiful, and the brave of heart; to love, laughter, and happily ever after. Here's to you."

Dinner was good and we got to stay at the table with Jason I think his name was. He's the heir to the Slim Jim fortune and his boyfriend was hilarious. Finally Nicole got to see all my family and their friend be nutty on the dance floor. Every table was equipped with disposable cameras so my job was to take pictures with them if people didn't take enough so they weren't wasted.

It was great seeing the giant Sid that is Kokilia's boyfriend and seeing her brother Kapil and his date who I knew in college. On the name tags were silver cows. I told Amy I'd get her something and think that's fitting since she has prize cows (mostly because I want to mock her for not bringing be back cheese from Wisconsin during her bday vacation.) Unfortunately we were tasked with the cleanup, which included dismantling the ceremony booth but then we got to go back and rest in a hotel.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Amy's hilarious 20th bday

2004-10-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

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STAY IN THE BOX EVIL CLOWN:
Normally Amy is the perfect woman; a women should be obscene and not heard, but never trust the advocate to keep her appointments. Amy went off on a school sanction adventure to Wisconsin to parade her prize cows in a show. She claimed she would return on her birthday with gifts for us (novel huh) so I prepared to surprise her with a giant 8 foot clown in her dorm.

I called her on her birthday to see if she was on route, only to get a voice mail. It hurt, the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. Subsequently, Amy didn't come until a day later when she called us on the Volleyball court to come over after we were done playing.

OMIGOD you-had-to-be-there FUNNY:
The night knows what the afternoon never suspected. Warm hugs and greetings to Amy's mom began the reunion along with belated birthday congratulations, followed by a series of amusing you-had-to-be-there moments. I know you-had-to-be-there but I'm still going to try to delineate some of the events because I'm a jerk, and it was just so damn funny. Of course the conversations are just paraphrased.

Amy (to pChewy): Do you remember how you asked if they had trophies or ribbons at the cow show? I won a 4th place ribbon, can you believe that?
pChewy: (takes ribbon from Amy) Wow congrats. If only you were as talented as your cows.
Amy: Oh this is my mom.
pChewy: (After Amy's mom drops something, pChewy jokes) I see where you get it Amy!
Amy: So I couldn't find you any cheese pChewy. It doesn't exist.
pChewy: What?!! You were in Wisconsin. That's where the Packers are from. And you claim this cheese with holes in it doesn't exit, weak.

[We start talking about things Amy got for her birthday and then things on her desk.]
pChewy: (spinning Amy's ribbing around aimlessly, I comment toward a small item on her desk) What's that?
Amy: A thimble. I think I got it on vacation in Florida.
Amy's Mom: (pointing to Amy's "drinking" hat not knowing its significance): Where did you get that?
Amy: (starts mutters some excuse) umm...

[JUST THEN, the 4th place metal breaks off the ribbon I'm twirling and I catch it. Brooke noticed but I'm too ashamed to say anything so I start looking for something to fix it. Brooke can't help but begin giggling at my less then inconspicuous search. Amy thinks the laughter is because her mom is talking about the drinking hat and tries to cover up the devious purpose of the hat. Finally mom leaves.]

Amy: (to Brooke and pChewy) I can't believe you guys. I don't think it's that big deal about the drinking hat.
Brooke: (still laughing, points to pChewy) No, it was Pchewy.
pChewy: (by this time I ingeniously found a pin and fixed the ribbon but had to explain what happen): We weren't laughing about the hat; I broke your ribbon, but I fixed it, see.

Now if you didn’t laugh at that anecdote it’s okay because you-had-to-be-there; if you did, you need to stop living vicariously through me and get a life.

BIRTHDAY SHOT:
Amy brought back part of a bottle of Jose and could have drunk that for her birthday. For some reason I made her take a shot out of the thimble on her desk. Not just any shot, mind you, a shot of Scope which would be legal in the dorm unlike the alcohol. I guess I’m subconsciously a good Sumerian.

If you get a chance, check out the hilarious video of Amy being disgusted and finally running out of the room to spit it up the scope shot in the garbage can. It totally looks like Amy is taking some sort of wicked 3000 proof shot. Finally, to end the festivities we took the stuff around the room and Amy's presents to make some funny fashion moments, including me wearing her jacket and Amy sporting some major bling ear rings.

Oh well, happy birthday my dear advocate, and remember, all kewl people are born in October.
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Farewell AussiMike

2004-09-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -a stick!

We didn't want it to, but we knew this day would come. The day we had to say good bye to AussMike. He taught us light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Even though we captured light 252 times it wasn't enough memories to save us from his loss.

This sounds like we're going to have to visit him. Unfortunately this last weekend of mike collided with a trip to Mikeypooh's new place that we had to cancel, but when one of your best mates leaves the country you have to send him off and how?

--We met Aussie Mike on the volleyball court so there should be some sand volleyball, and there was.
Lena and Steve arrived for a last visit and to join Pollock sand Vball.
Amy showed us here green magic grass (see gallery)
Anthony craped out a baby Brooke.
Brooke and Amy tried to burry Aussie Mike in the sand, but ended up being tackled themselves.
Everyone rejoiced.

--Aussie Mike likes meat and drinks so we celebrated dinner at Beulah's and then loaded up on suds at Bar Bleu.
Yay Celery or as Aussie Mike calls her CellArray did a drive by goodbye.
Aussie and Kate fought with food, go figure.
Hey lets get a picture of Aussie Mike with the girls, (I throw his gift, roll full of condoms) snap!
Drink after drink after drink.
Kim asks me if the pepper spray I have works. I spray a tiny sample in an ashtray leaving everyone to sneeze and leave the area.

--Aussie Mike is a great cook so we need make him make a dinner.
Of course we can't let Aussie Mike walk around in anything but a towel!
Dicke BBQs outside on the George Forman
Kate makes a scrapbook in the other room and them surprises Aussie Mike.
Hey girls, show us the gun show. Hey boys show us the gun show!
Anthony and Amy do some fancy dancing.
MattyMat spanks Aussie Mike with a sword.
Anthony lives out his fantasizes as Aussie Mike pretends to go down on him.
Lots of hugs, alcohol and toasts are consumed.
Ordinarily Amy is insane, but occasionally she has lucid moments when she is only stupid. On such an occasion Amy turns on the spinning numchucks of a ninja gerbil right next to her hair to entwine it.
Everyone jump in the bottom bunk bed with Aussie Mike for a lovefest!

I guess the lesson is the same as with most good-byes. "Enjoy yourself now. It's later than you think."

Now I have digs in Australia so I guess I'm going to have to plan a visit
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Dicke's Cursed Bday

2004-09-13T22:11:00.000-07:00

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Do you believe in curses? Do you believe there are cures for curses? After this ominous tale of the bizarre, maybe you'll change your mind. Just be forewarned that this is a very foreboding tale. The whole series of events has an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Simpsons" comes on at 6:30 p.m. instead of 6:00.

Once there was a fetus boy, happy like a parasite in a woman's womb. The sun and the planet earth aligned just right to unleash a cunning curse Tuesday, September 13. The curse itself was created with something to prove, living in the shadow of the infamous Friday the thirteenth cures, arriving on Tuesday the 13.

That day the curse wanted to harm the fetus so it unleashed its wrath on the woman, causing her unheard of pain to the point she couldn't take it anymore and expelled the fetus. The fetus was now called a boy and his name was Phil, but everyone referred to him by his surname, Dicke.

Nothing will ever compare to the joys in the womb, but young Dicke was still content because he had to do little in life. His mother fed him, loved him, and cared for his every need. Then another dreaded day occurred.

It was 365 revolutions of the earth after he was first cursed and born, and the planet and the sun were aligned in the same way to allow the curse to reemerge. This continued repeatedly, every time the humble planet and sun were aligned, usually every 365 days, the curse would exact its nefarious revenge on poor Dicke. The wrath was subtle but noticeable over time. It stretched him out and made him have to feed himself. Next he had to earn for himself. Every year the curse was MAKING HIM OLDER --dun dun da.

For the most part Dicke didn't notice the curse like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. Then one year he found a girl, and he thought the stories were true that love would keep you forever young and defeat the curse. When the blue planet and sun realigned, the curse was fearful, and struck hard. It targeted the girl and made her dump poor Dicke on this day.

Eventually we named this alignment of the sun, Dicke's birthday. This year Dicke has found another, better girl. Are they in love enough to destroy the curse or will it destroy them? --dun dun da.

DINNER:
For Dicke's birthday we treated him to Ottos so he could get some quality microbrews. Did the curse strike when he got a nasty beer? Or maybe it was the curse when Aussie Mike and Kate started battling amongst themselves. No, no, the curse went right after Dicke's love, KT.

FIGHT:
A wet napkin bit battle raged. Dicke wanted to retaliate so he put a piece of his napkin into ketchup a straw in spitball fashion and then said, "KT I won't hit you in the eye." Now I know Dicke, he lacks the ability to do something that mean, so of course he didn't aim for KT's eye. But as my video proves, the curse curved the spitball right into KT's eye.

EVIL BDAY CAKE:
After dinner at Ottos we went to Dicke’s to play some ping pong have some cake. How evil is the curse’s ways? It maid KT buy tRick candles that Dicke burned himself trying to put out until he finally just spat on the cake to extinguish the flames.

Will the lovers survive the curse? Only time will tell.
But if the curse breaks Dicke and KT up, it looks like Aussie Mike is ready to take her place (see photo above)….maybe that’s the real curse!!

Happy bday Dicke.
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Mellon Fun

2004-09-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

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Labor day

HOW TO MAKE A VODCA WATERMELLON?:
First give Amy the devil’s advocate a straw to suck on for her oral fixation, a watermelon, a drill, and an alibi. Then add some help from Anthony to construct a tube to funnel the alcohol. DON'T LET Amy AND KATE CARRY THE WATERMELLON or it may fall. Get professional-like assistance from Brooke and pChewy to de-seed. Throw in Kate with a giant knife to cut up the watermelon. Finally add flashes of incandescent light to capture the treasured moments of jubilation.

MELLON FIGHT:
In life all the hours wound you, the last one kills. Usually skirmishes start small and then escalate out of control, but this was never in control. Bits of watermelon seeds tossed at each other were messy but we could do better. Perhaps the hose from the sink could be a weapon of choice against Amy. Her top glistening like nose hair after a sneeze; she was soaked, defeated and the heavens rejoiced as she was brought to her watery doom.

PAR-TaY:
The standard joys of a good gathering commenced. Perhaps they aren’t what you do when you party but we pride ourselves in seizing the day. We made margaritas with some of the leftover watermelon that survived the battle royal. We danced and sang along to cheesy songs in MattyMat's room, and goofed around in Anthony's like a middle school slumber party.

Outside on the patio we smoked when we weren't out there slicing two liter bottles in half like they were infidels with a giant metal sword. Previously my favorite picture of Dicke was a giant leaf on him from my birthday. Continuing with this fetish, Dicke put part of the melon on as a hat on his head. Around 3am, James who was out doing his rent-a-cop job returned to find snoozing Steve, so he tea bagged him.

Twas a good night with some neat pics to remember it.
Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com

Arun Rupal's Loooong Indian Wedding

2004-08-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

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Knock one more state off your list to make 35 of 50, Nicole, you've now been to Texas. Meanwhile, before this trip, I've never been west of Chicago in the centennial USA, which Nicole correctly would grade as WEAK. Oh by the way I don't think Nicole's parents know she went to Texas so shhhh, don't tell.

For this mulit-day excursion we flew out of State College to rendezvous with eight members of my extended family on their plane from Pittsburgh to Houston. Yay for airport arcades and amusing kids!! My family is insane and acted like they owned the airplane sitting in empty seats and walking around the plane without a care in the world. In Houston we were greeted by Rupal's enormous family and played a fun, can you find a car ride to the hotel without losing your luggage game.

After this excursion, Nicole will probably petition the university because she assumes she deserves credits for a multicultural course, but the truth is I was as clueless as her but I never let it on. It was a great mix of traditions from our part of India and Rupal's, which meant tons of events over multiple days leaving Nicole to play a lot of festive dress up while I rarely wore Indian garb because guys nowadays adhere to more western suit fashions.

From our side of tradition, the day before the wedding they paint the bride-to-be and her lady friends with temporary tattoos of henna. The picture above is Nicole taking part in that jovial ceremony which left me to feed her because she conveniently couldn't hold anything for hours until the henna dried.

We stayed up late at my parent's friend's scenic house which was quite charming and seemed extra fun because the couple that lived there were an unexpected kind of funny that only comes from genuine people who joke with you like you are long lost intimate members of their immediate family. Poor Nicole who dubs herself 'sleepygirl' got maybe 8 of her 40 winks over the next few days.

With the onslaught of cultural dinners and gatherings by days and reminiscing with the couple we stayed with late into the night, Nicole was exhausted. The big pre-wedding tradition from Rupal's side of the family was a like a square dance with sticks. We did it for a while but mostly yielded to the others.

I was saddened that I saw no cowboys, oversized tourist traps, or cows in Texas. It just looked like any other town, with bigger bland repetitious buildings and multiple lane roads. The only think of note we saw was this giant temple made of marble queried from Italy, cut in Indian, imported to Houston where the final touches were carved. It was pimp but used a psdoe-slave like labor to make it and was sexist in that it separated the girls and the guys, which was odd even to my parents who grew up in India where it's rare to see that type of segregation.

Now all the hoopla of the wedding makes me happy that I'll never have to go through it, but I don't cast dispersions on those that are up for all those activities. Following ancient tradition, the morning of the wedding the groom, Arun, mounted a horse with the youngest male on our side of the family. We followed dancing like blazing fools to the beat of an authentic Indian drummer. Normally this would be a parade of miles taking the groom out of his town toward the woman's hometown.

When we got "the woman's side" there was a ceremony where the eldest guy from our side of the family is received by the eldest patriarch from the woman's side. This continues down age progression so all the important uncles and siblings meet to signify the joining of the two families. The fun part of this tradition is a mock wresting match where when two respective males meet; they try to lift the other one signifying their prowess. Of course even at their age, my uncle and dad had the most fun doing this part of the tradition.

The wedding itself was interested because it was preformed in native tongue but then translated into English. My favorite Indian wedding tradition is the woman's side of the family tries to steal the groom's shoe. He has to pay for if he loses it, and there are many religious parts of the wedding day where the groom is forced to de-shoe. During part of the pre-ceremony I got to wear the groom's shoe and then sent them back to my older sister for protection. I think my family successfully protected the shoe. Another special moment was mid ceremony they passed around tiny ice creams cups for everyone to eat while the ceremony was going on and then bottles of water.

After the ceremony was of course the pippin reception to leave Nicole thoroughly exhausted. We flew back with my parent to Pittsburgh, and then back to State College at Midnight, just in time for Nicole to start her senior year in college the next day.

Congrats to the two eye doctors, Arun and Rupal. We're taking bets on how blind their first kid will be.

Your Personal Hero
THE BAbbLER
pchewy
Anshu Gupta
http://psubabbler.esmartguy.com